Is a snog considered being unfaithful in a long term relationship?

[waitingfornaru]

Or not?

Speaking purely for myself and my own relationship Clarry, figuring out the putting-the-seat-down argument took far longer than realising where our boundaries lay.

I knew that anything from snogging upto full sex was a no-no for him, as it was for me.

The fact that he did it anyway is another thread altogether..........

The whole secrecy thing is a nonsense too. We may do things that we feel perfectly fine with but also know our partner, who is perhaps less open minded or prone to jealousy, may find upsetting and so decide not to say anything. It does not make the initial act wrong or indeed the choice to keep quiet. what would be wrong in that scenario is the fact that the individual has chosen to pair up with someone wholly incompatible.

I know women who get upset when their partners even look at another woman. now here we cross the line - it is the wife's insecurity and not the husbands natural actions that are at fault. Should he be made, through a desire not to upset his insecure wife, to stop looking at attractive women? is it acceptable that his very eye movements be controlled by his wife?

Relationships are not as simple as 'always keep 'em happy'. However i would say that they are based on truth. So, if you find yourself genuinely feeling that you can't say or admit something to your other half then i would say you're better off single.

what if your too young to remember the darling buds of may?

i would class it as cheating

It would be infidelity in my relationship and applies to us both. That boundary was discussed and agreed long before we lived together and has never changed.

one thing I have notice though is that people are more likely to go looking for that random snog if they feel suffocated by a jealous, emotionally controlling partner.

....Oh and my partner is definitely not 'my other half' Clarry. Like me, he's a person in his own right. Only insecure control freaks call their partners their 'other half'

Charbon, likewise I would never refer to my partner as my other half. I was speaking in general terms.

Personally i couldn't think of many things worse than living with a jealous partner. for me it would be like having bars on the window.

it's kind of an unwritten rule that snogging others isn't on, surely? Unless you have agreed otherwise.

I make a point of not following the written rules, let alone the unwritten ones!

This is perhaps the body of my point, right there - the 'surely?' at the end of Jasper's point. We don't actually know if it is undeniably right or wrong. its not like kiddy fiddling or chopping people up with a spoon its a subtle, cultural concern. We only feel its wrong because our parents thought so or our neighbours think so. It cannot be, by reason alone, defined as a wrong act.

No Clarry, its because if the person we have put our trust and love into does this, it hurts. It really bloody hurts. And thats not because of tradition or cultural expectations, its because if someone says that they are ours and ours alone, it its incredibly painful to find out that they lied.

Clarry I do find your posts very strange. Clearly you have different boundaries in your relationship.

However, a recognition of fidelity, emotional and sexual, is not synonymous with being suffocating or emotionally controlling.

Very few people have a problem with their husbands 'looking at another woman', but I imagine lots have a problem with snogging. Just as I would have a problem with an emotional affair, cyber sex or texting.

The OP was asking, in our relationship, which side of the line it would be on. It has nothing to do with what our parents or neighbours think.

it's 'cos she is deeeep innit

and we are mundane sheep, of course

I am still laughing at Pa Larkin. Where the bloody hell did that spring from.

What next? The love lives and morality of Keith Barron's character from Duty Free? Tips on how to keep your wife happy from Soames from the Forsyte saga?

I am looking forward to "How to live your life" by the Boswell family (from Bread)

How to win friends and influence people by Basil Fawlty.

Or "Parenting, by Denise and Jim Royle"

"Racial harmony" by the cast of Love Thy Neighbour

< shows age >

Haha I was going to say something about Jim Royle.

Practial Car mechanics by Charlene from Neighbours.

"Left wing politics" by Margot Leadbetter

Entertainment and Hospitality by Rigsby.

Oswald Mosely: Misunderstood Genius by Captain Mainwaring

The Good Hotel Guide by Richard Nixon

"How to Treat a Woman" by Peter Sutcliffe