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Original poster

Is a snog considered being unfaithful in a long term relationship?

153 replies

waitingfornaru · 05/12/2011 17:08

Or not?

OP posts:
tethersjinglebellend · 05/12/2011 17:46

Yes.

Otherwise we'd snog everybody.

BrianAndHisBalls · 05/12/2011 17:48

Yes.

redlac · 05/12/2011 17:48

Arf at the darling buds of may as being held up as some sort of moral compass! I'll take my cues from Jeremy Kyle who includes snogging on his lie detector questions :)

Shinyshoes1 · 05/12/2011 17:49

yes of course it is, it's passionate and sexual and mostly turns people on, this shouldnt be done outside of those in relationships

ShowOfHands · 05/12/2011 17:49

The Larkins also practised tax evasion.

Is it everything the Darling Buds of May did that we should be emulating or just the snogging?

Scoundrel · 05/12/2011 17:49

lol @ the Darling Buds of May moral compass Grin

SarahSlaughter · 05/12/2011 17:54

Clarry you are certainly entitled to your opinion as to whether it constitutes infidelity in your relationship but I'm not sure how everyone else's husband's became the subject of such pity?

OP to answer your question, yes I would considerate it to be cheating (as incidentally would my lovely DH).

As an aside I don't personally consider being drunk as a reasonable excuse for being unfaithful. If you can't control yourself when drunk, don't drink.

Hulababy · 05/12/2011 17:56

IMO yes, most definitely.

SarahSlaughter · 05/12/2011 17:57

Many spologies for the erroneous apostrophe Blush

SarahSlaughter · 05/12/2011 17:58

For goodness sake apologies....

Making the dinner is interfering with my
MN-ing clearly!

AliGrylls · 05/12/2011 18:03

For me it depends. If you wanted it to happen definitely; if it was accidental and drunken and followed by regret then is much greyer.

lou33 · 05/12/2011 18:08

If it's something you wouldnt do in front of your partner, then you shouldn't be doing it, imo

AnotherMumOnHere · 05/12/2011 18:12

Definitely being unfaithful.

WhoIsThatMaskedWoman · 05/12/2011 18:18

Depends. If both parties know where the lines are drawn then it's not necessarily a big deal. I've snogged loads of people I'd never ever sleep with (not recently, because I am now ancient and don't do that sort of thing any more).

sillymillyb · 05/12/2011 18:51

Yup - would be a deal breaker for me.... have to laugh at darling buds of may morals too. "what would Pa Larkin do" is going to be my new social baromater Grin

sillymillyb · 05/12/2011 18:52

barometer even....

maleview70 · 05/12/2011 19:06

If my DW came home and told me she had snogged someone from work who she had feelings for then I would view that as cheating.

If she came home from a Xmas night out and told me she had snogged a random bloke whilst pissed then it wouldnt bother me as much. If she did it twice then I would!

Abitwobblynow · 05/12/2011 19:19

'If you wouldn't want to tell your spouse about it, then it is cheating' [Dr Phil].

Have you told your partner about it? Yes? Did you minimise? Did you deny?

No?

Report back. You asked us, tell us the truth. Did you tell him/her; Did you tell EXACTLY what the snog entailed, how it made you feel? What were you doing with your hands as well as your tongue?

Not judging you, just calling you on your BS. Answer!

Abitwobblynow · 05/12/2011 19:25

Just to clarify: being unfaithful is about LYING and SECRECY. If you say: I am really attracted to someone at work who is giving me the come on and it is doing my head in

you are not being unfaithful. You are stopping the secret and making yourself accountable.

A very good book on this subject: NOT just friends by Shirley Glass. Affairs happen when you shut your partner out (keep secrets from them) and let your 'friend' in.

ThereIsNoSpoon · 05/12/2011 19:33

A ''friendly snog''

I've had friendly snogs. Usually ended up in friendly sex!

As to weather it's cheating? That depends. Each relationship is unique and so are the rules within them. If you KNOW that what you are doing is likely to hurt your partner then, yes, it's cheating. Deliberately stepping outside the bounds of what's acceptable in your relationship is a breach of trust and, to me, that's where the cheating comes in.

People should lay their cards out on the table about intimacy at the start of the relationship so there's no room for interperitation or excuses.

SuziQuattro · 05/12/2011 19:35

The trouble is Abitwobblynow (you're not the only one BTW ;) the cheater never sees it like that, they tend to only see the 'ACT' itself and not the bigger picture beyond eg. the emotional damage which comes later.

They only see their own self gratification, have no self respect for themselves or their partner, are more familiar with deception and lies rather than loyalty and honesty.

A Kiss is not just a Kiss, it's what lies beneath!

reelingintheyears · 05/12/2011 19:37

Yes.

Bogeyface · 05/12/2011 19:44

i define cheating as anything you wouldnt want your partner to know about which is why I consider what my H did as an affair even though there was no physical contact, sexual or otherwise.

i wouldnt want him to know if I snogged someone else and I know he wouldnt want me to know it is was him doing the snogging, so yes to me it is.

Abitwobblynow · 05/12/2011 19:51

If he hasn't mentioned it to his significant other - of course it is cheating. If it would cause his significant other distress and he knows it (hence the silence) - its cheating.

That is why he needs to tell us - has he shared this pleasant event (and of course it was, and of course it didn't mean anything, but that isn't the point) with his SO?

Otherwise the injured puzzled innocence is just so much BS.

ClarryKitten · 05/12/2011 19:53

I have a bracelet that says WWPLD.

the argument that if you wouldn't let your partner see you do it you shouldn't be doing it at all is nonsensical and im certain everyone here does not live up to that credo. would you have a wank with your partner watching? scratch yer minge? pick your nose? shave your pubes? etc. etc.

I must be dead inside because it really wouldn't bother me if my partner had a snog with someone who i knew meant nothing to him. you cannot maintain a relationship by keeping the other person in an emotional prison...best way is to keep strong that internal spark of individuality - you're a free person underneath all the relationship, parenthood, family stuff and if a naughty little snog at a christmas do makes you feel like you can breathe again, like you're alive again then seriously...whats the big deal? i think we're old enough and ugly enough to throw out all that dusty religious moral conditioning and weigh it up at face value.

WHY is it wrong? we all know the difference between an personal kiss and an impersonal one. We don't mind if family kiss our partners on the lips so it has nothing to do with lip on lip contact...is it length of time spent at the lips that constitutes an infidelity? 3 seconds? 43 seconds? or is it the intentions and the feelings of the people kissing that matters? analyse your response to the act and you'll soon realise its irrational. Now, you could argue that it is wrong to kiss someone without it meaning anything - and you'd probably be right.