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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

A problem in love making.

144 replies

Bedknobs · 07/01/2006 20:19

I know people are going to suspect I am a troll so let me first say, I can prove I am not.

I know Cod once went by the name of PouchofDouglas, that Lavenderr caused a sensation by advocating teaching her children to shoot pheasants, and I know 4 is code for who cares?

Does that establish my credentials as a regular Mumsnetter? I am using a false name because I really don't want people who know me (and some of you do) to know this about me:

Dh and I have been together for 15 years and yet when we make love, he has never "put himself in me" IYSWIM, I have always had to do it for him. As I have mild vaginismus, I always find this a tense moment in our love making and would really like him to put himself in me as I think I would be more relaxed if he did it. I have asked him to do this, but he just can't get it in on his own. Does anyone know what we should do? God I feel so embarrassed asking this, but do you put your man's penis in or does he do it? Why can't my man do it?

Our sex life apart from this is OK - nothing exciting but perfectly satisfactory. Please does anyone have any advice and please don't try to work out who I am!

OP posts:
Sadeyedladyofthelowlands · 23/01/2006 11:50

Just been laughing so hard I made dd cry!

Bettikitten · 23/01/2006 12:01

Oh I always used to put my ex's in or else the little bugger would have tried his luck and headed for the anal region!!!

PMSL at this thread

Meanoldmummy · 23/01/2006 12:51

[shock

jstbcs · 23/01/2006 13:31

lol, this thread is funny... weird the things we admit to online.. imagine sitting in toddler grp discussing this....

Since everyone is being so candid, can i ask about anal?

I have often wondered how many other women actually do this?

i do and quite enjoy it...most of the time...

is this tmi?

ps, i am soo nto a troll... just wishing i had been more general about regionb i livein on other thread!!!

MinnieHaHa · 07/02/2006 20:31

Well, (have changed name) DH and I attempted this for the first time the other night (drunkenly). I think I was much keener than he was, but we didn't get very far. It just didn't seem to work somehow! I've always quite fancied it though.

bangersandmash · 07/02/2006 20:44

gosh this thread almost makes me want to come, sorry excuse the pun, back under my proper name.

fwiw i too have/had vaginimus and dh nearly always needs a helping hand i often have to use the phrase - well not that it happens often - wrong hole darling.

bangersandmash · 07/02/2006 20:45

oh and on the later issue. never tried anal just not something that appeals to me.

Beetroot · 07/02/2006 20:56

I want to know how bedknobs is doing

Original poster
Bedknobs · 21/02/2006 21:21

Well, since you asked beety, not brilliantly.

Since posting about always having to put dh in me, he has been trying to do it himself a bit, but never succeeds and now I am finding it hard to get him in too. It is a question of angles. I have to rear right up to get the angle of the vagina right and even then, it doesn't always go in.

Don't laugh, the problem has become worse, perhaps because we are fretting about it too much? It is becoming common for dh to come before he has entered as there is so much fumbling going on. Am I the only woman who can't get this right?

OP posts:
goldstarlover · 21/02/2006 21:23

bedknobs i think you've got it in your post... fretting too much!
have you tried any other positions that may make it easier to get in?
try going on top... it's SO much easier

Original poster
Bedknobs · 21/02/2006 21:27

I don't mind the on top position, but not right now. I should explain, our house is very cold and I have to make love under all the covers and with dh on top to keep me warm. I shall save the on top position until the summer.

I know we are fretting too much about it. I feel so stupid though. Last night, he couldn't get it in, so I had a go and thought he was in but after a bit realised he was just .... well, not in. I can't say where he was, just not in. I feel so stupid. After all these years, why are we still fumbling around like teenagers?

OP posts:
goldstarlover · 21/02/2006 21:33

i think because you're worried about it... in fact i'd bet you worry about it before you even start having sex right? because you know it's going to be a problem... that makes you tense, and being tense makes it even harder to get in.

have you tried doing it very unromantically with lights on so that you can both see exactly what's going on down there/.

MeAndMyBoy · 23/02/2006 00:21

I'm sorry you're still having problems.

I'd never heard of vaginismus so googled it and found this site - it's got so much information on it I wasn't sure if would help.

You sound so forlorn .

here

Original poster
Bedknobs · 23/02/2006 13:25

Thank you for that link MeAndMyBoy. I have just read through the whole website and am pleased to say that I do not think I have vaginismus, or at least not the full blown form as I do have regular sexual intercourse. I think I must have a slight version of vaginismus as my dh does find it very tight when he is in me and this tightness does lessen a bit if he waits and gives me time to relax.

The problem really lies in him not being able to enter me unaided and the resultant fumbling that goes on definitely makes us both tense, which does not help. I just wish he could get it in by himself and our sex lives could become a bit more natural.

But thanks for the link anyway. It was very interesting.

OP posts:
MeAndMyBoy · 23/02/2006 22:09

You're welcome, sounds like it might have helped a little bit?

I know other ladies have said that the vagina muscles don't stay tight after orgasm, but mine do. I usually have to wait about 5 mins or so before we carry on if I orgasm before DH is inside me (can't orgasm just through penetration either lol) real passion killer I can tell you.

Now this may sound bit weird and not be your thing but what about something like this?

nookii

DH bought this for us and it really helped me get used to sex again. Just a thought. Also gives you plenty of ideas about what the other person likes without actually having to talk about it too much if you see what I mean lol.

h x

EmilyStarr · 12/03/2006 10:36

Hi, I am also someone posting under an changed name, have been fascinated by this thread and the differences between people! Thought I'd add to the mix.

My DH generally uses his hand to guide it in, but sometimes I will do it. It never really slips in by itself. TBH it's not the part of the whole thing that we remember, I don't think! The wet patch issue: I quite like the patch and the dripping, unlike some here I am very fond of my darling's semen (taste, feel, everything) and although it means the bed gets a bit sticky, I like that and we laugh about it. He had no probelm going down on me even after he has cum there, so as you see we are very comfortable with the whole thing and everything about each other and ourselves (this is in fact one of the nig reasons I fell in love with him in the first place, his incredible freedom about sex).

I did used to have a boyfriend, years ago, who kept a special "love towel" by his bed, but that's cos he lived at home and his mum made his bed I think!!!

Those who don't like cum, I must say you don't know what you are missing! Especially if he has been eating fruit, it's great fun. Oral is on both ways every day for us, whetever else we also do.

Anal is also very much a part of our sexlife, at least once a week, he loves it and is always very careful to use lots of lube etc, and I, while preferring vaginal and oral, have no problem with it, and get turned on by the incredible amount it turns him on. Perhaps we are unusual though.

Flip · 12/03/2006 11:08

Don't know what to say to the last post!!!! But just read the whole thread and I've shed tears of laughter and had the children come in twice to see what I'm laughing at. About to go and read the orgasm thread now!

How are you getting on Bedknobs?

asproclear · 12/03/2006 11:20

Bedknobs I haven't had time to read all of this thread yet but my XP who I was with for 5yrs also would not put himself in me, I had to do it. Not sure why, said he could never do it ! I probably haven't helped but just wanted you to know you weren't on your own

slutinapastlife · 12/03/2006 11:38

also posting under changed name as i'm sure people here think i'm odd enough without disclosing all of this!

as someone who had more than her fair share of sexual partners in her younger days i'd say about 50% of men can't put it in themselves and a fair few more, my dp included shouldn't be allowed to as they seem incapable of figuring out which hole is the right one! or even where the holes are, half the time he just prods at my perinium which annoys the hell out of me. he's also never figured out to spread the labia with his fingers the few times he's in the right spot, and mine are quite big so it's not comfortable if it's not done (you either know what i mean with that one or you don't i'm afraid Blush)

as for the tightness and dryness at the beginning of sex, i've always had that but not really thought much about it. i find sex more comfortable though if i tease him for a while first til he gets that little damp patch at the top of his penis and use this as lubrication to gently ease him in, takes longer but drives him wild anyway so he doesn't complain Wink

i also get annoyed by the leaking after and tend to keep a pack of babywipes close at hand which we dive at a soon as we're done! this followed 2 years of fighting over who had to sleep in the puddle afterwards!

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