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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

A problem in love making.

144 replies

Bedknobs · 07/01/2006 20:19

I know people are going to suspect I am a troll so let me first say, I can prove I am not.

I know Cod once went by the name of PouchofDouglas, that Lavenderr caused a sensation by advocating teaching her children to shoot pheasants, and I know 4 is code for who cares?

Does that establish my credentials as a regular Mumsnetter? I am using a false name because I really don't want people who know me (and some of you do) to know this about me:

Dh and I have been together for 15 years and yet when we make love, he has never "put himself in me" IYSWIM, I have always had to do it for him. As I have mild vaginismus, I always find this a tense moment in our love making and would really like him to put himself in me as I think I would be more relaxed if he did it. I have asked him to do this, but he just can't get it in on his own. Does anyone know what we should do? God I feel so embarrassed asking this, but do you put your man's penis in or does he do it? Why can't my man do it?

Our sex life apart from this is OK - nothing exciting but perfectly satisfactory. Please does anyone have any advice and please don't try to work out who I am!

OP posts:
harpsichordcarrier · 07/01/2006 22:04

yes indeed bedknobs
send him round here
I will do a powerpoint presentation
"HC's guide to the female genitalia (with special ref. to the Pouch of Douglas)"
coffee and muffins will be served

popsycalindisguise · 07/01/2006 22:05

gogogogo

(and report back )

SoupDragon · 07/01/2006 22:06

New ideas, a pile of T shirts and a care mat?

Seriously though, I hope you've been reassured if nothing else!

Original poster
Bedknobs · 07/01/2006 22:07

Keep idling HC!

Well, off to bed. Thanks girls, for the advice.

Nice to chat to you tonight.

OP posts:
iota · 07/01/2006 22:07

a box of tissues on the bedside table always comes in useful - -especially if you have a cold

snowleopard · 07/01/2006 22:10

I don't just wipe, I keep the t-shirt in place and go to sleep. I could fumble around for knickers and a pantyliner but I feel that would spoil the mood (kind of like saying "what a lot of semen you have darling!" ). Agree with Bedknob, it's the subsequent leaking that's annoying.

popsycalindisguise · 07/01/2006 22:12

cough

SoupDragon · 07/01/2006 22:13

And keeping a Tshirt in place doesn't spoil the mood??

NotQuiteCockney · 07/01/2006 22:15

When I was much younger, and more bothered, I used to jump up and down to make all the semen fall out.

Leakage is normal, yup.

notasheep · 07/01/2006 22:19

There is another one here who does the T shirt mop too!!!!!!!!!!

pootlepod · 07/01/2006 22:20

I am crying with laughter at this thread.

I love mumsnet!

Yummymummy24 · 07/01/2006 22:21

Semen stinks does anyone agree? Babywipes are good also toilet for a wee and push. Why did you change your names girls? I'm feeling liberated too maybe i have no shame!!!!!!! This is quite gross but i wiped the mess on dp's face for a joke lastnight hee hee i have to drink his cum so felt he should get a taste of his own medicine i lost all the cum when i laughed hysterically at this. Maybe you should try that to avoid the wet patch. Also feel the need to tell you this. My dog once licked up the wet patch when we did it downstairs ewwwwww!!!!!!!

mcmudda · 07/01/2006 22:23

That's why pantyliners have "odour control" IMO

notasheep · 07/01/2006 22:26

Damp,Sweaty,Discharge thats going off!

Beetrootfultoyourself · 08/01/2006 19:54

my mum had a p who had love towels by the bed. (how did I know that!!!)

wilbur · 08/01/2006 20:06

LOLOLOLOL. Bedknobs - thank you for this thread, I feel about 500 times better about my sex life now. I've also seen waaaay too many movies and always wondered if the coordinated sighing and thrusting on screen was how it was for everyone else but me. I love mumsnet - both practical and disgusting at the same time . Now, where are those Care Mats.

rummum · 08/01/2006 20:36

I love MN

I have just had to look up frottage in the online dictionary....
you wouldn't believe what I learnt on here last week about poo... I had to use a dictonary for that as well!!!

Anyway back to the matter in hand.. [snigger]
I think I always guide my hubby into position... its never bothered me to be honest...

loved the idea of "being taken before I die"...

Original poster
Bedknobs · 08/01/2006 20:37

I am just glad we could talk about it openly with no hints of troll accusations.

I sometimes feel Mumsnet gets in the way of the real world, but you could never have these discussions in the real world and sometimes you just need to talk about things like this!

I am not convinced by care mats though. Didn't any of you have something similar laid on top of your sheets in the post natal ward to keep blood off the sheets? I could never keep mine under my bum and always made a mess of the bed!

OP posts:
Beetrootfultoyourself · 08/01/2006 20:39

love towels, with his and hers writtenon them

longwaytogo · 08/01/2006 21:41

I am so glad you started this thread bedknobs. Wet patches and the smell are things I've often wondered about other people. I hate that feeling that wakes you in the night of it all slipping out and now sleep with loo roll wedged between my legs, romantic isn't it - not. I really really really hate the smell of semen so much so that I can't bear to put his bits anywhere near my mouth in case he comes (bawking at the thought of it even) which really gets to him (bless him) Is it me or do pears smell like semen, also can't eat them as the smell makes me heave ds was eating one earlier and I am sure its the same smell. Anyone else or is it just me? Please someone say its not just me or i will be sooooo embarassed

nooka · 08/01/2006 21:53

This is such a great thread I don't guide dh much, but after 15 years I think he knows me "down there" better than I do. I would encourage him to get to know you with his fingers (maybe he does already if you come before he penetrates) including when he is inside you. That way he can get to know the landscape a bit better. My dh likes me to come before he does, but I find it a bit irritating, as I can then get a bit bored! He is still in pursuit of the multiple organsm, but I like to enjoy the first one, not go on and on...

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 08/01/2006 21:57

I usually put it in for dh cause he usually misses! Im like "NO! Wrong hole" or "erm thats my leg...." It just seems to happen, he puts it in or I do or it just slips in... never thought about it before tbh.

Blu · 08/01/2006 22:05

ROFL at 'love towels' - I've always heard them called 'cumrags'.

Beetrootfultoyourself · 08/01/2006 22:10

grosss blu

Yummymummy24 · 09/01/2006 20:20

hahahahaha i'm so glad there have been furthur posts i got all scared after my semen stinks post that everyone thought i was a troll!!!! Way to self obsessed, i'm sure its just preg hormones. Can't say ive noticed the pear thing but next time i eat one i'll give it a SNIFF. I hate the taste and burningness of cum. Have you ever got it in your eye? Its like chilli powder. I just hate the stuff to be honest.