DH left last night been having affair for a year

[OtherwiseKnownAsSheilaTheGreat]

Can't really type as feeling shakey and numb, couldn't sleep. We've been together for 13 years married for 8. Two DS's 1 and 3 years. Has come out of blue. Phoned in sick to work today, how am I going to get through this?

BTW you are doing very well. My DH did this to me - didn't find out about OW until 6 weeks after he left.

I was traumatised too. Surround yourself with all the RL support you can, can some legal advice pdq as it will make you feel more in control. Be very very kind to yourself. Check out www.beyondaffairs.com - it got me through the first, horrendous days, helped me make sense of things etc.

Did you have any inkling that things were not right, suspicions etc? My DH was more stressed and picking loads of arguments (obviously to give him reasons to leave).

Take care.

Glad you feel a tiny bit better....if I were you I would take his stuff to his work....dont clog up your garage with it. Dump it in reception and tell them why.

I would.

Good thinking Mumbling - why shouldn't he have any consequences for his bad behaviour ? Get angry and bring their sordid little affair out into the open.

That's right....OP has nothing to fear. No point allowing him to have his own way now...he's behaved abominably...his OW can find storage for his things. Or not.

And tell him you will be using his work as a correspondence address for your solicitor seeing as he won't tell you where he is staying.

Take control and make them quake a bit.

And if he turns nasty and threatening, call the Police on him.

You have a right to answers from him!
He should not just leave without explanations and talking it through.At the very,very least he should tell you who she is.
How did you find out?

I would inform his Inpector (or whoever) personally, because should he get nasty and you have to phone the police he won't be able to fob them off so easily, and if he does kick off he would be risking his job. Plus you wouldn't want her turning up at your house either

Listen to all of the practical advice, plus change the locks on the house so he can't just turn up when he wants.

Most importantly, stay strong for you and your children. You will get through this. There are a lot of people on here who will support you and give excellent advice

I think you have done amazingly well today. Well done. It will be a rollercoaster of emotions over the coming weeks but you will get through it.

Have lots of nice cuddles with your babies tonight. xxx

3 yr old DS bit three children at nursery today, so I told the room leader H had left. They said other than the biting he was his usual cheerful self!? 19mns DS had good day in his room. Thinking about getting my own account, would I then leave the mortgage for H and transfer other bills to new account? Need to do budget planner tomorrow. Will make appt to see solicitor tomorrow, have got recommendation. Doctor has given me zol something sleeping pills, has anyone tried them? Will also write to council tax people tomorrow. We don't get any tax credits at mo, but is that something worth looking into? Sorry for rabbiting...

as soon as you are seperated you will qualify for the benefits in your own right - he is no longer in the home so his income doesnt count.
i would speak to his work - I am pretty sure that they are supposed to know about stuff like this, and i am sure that they have a support network. entitled to website will also be good for a nose, re what help you can get financially.

Boys are in bed, evening went ok. I'm exhausted, please let this be a good nights sleep. Going to talk to a couple of relatives and go to bed about 9. Can't believe this is the first day of the rest of my life, it's been so hard.

Are they Zopiclone? Take them early and have an early night because they can really knock you out. I tend to take a half if I really need one because I tend to be a bit zombie-ish the next day on a full one (I have general insomnia)

If you didnt sleep last night then there is a good chance you will tonight, especially as you have been busy. I tend to go to bed early and if I am not asleep an hour later, take half a tablet.

Yes, zopiclone. Will take half as haven't taken sleeping tabs before. Will feel better if I get a bit of sleep. Would love to drop all his stuff off at work, but he'd go mental. Worst thing is having to keep it civil because of the boys when I'd like to slap him.

Wait and see if you can sleep first, dont take it when you may not need it.

He'd go mental would he? Well I'd let him!

At a place where I used to work (just after I left so I didnt actually see it, sadly) the wife of a man who I worked with came and dumped everything he owned on his car as she had found out that he was having an affair with another manager there. She sent the dildo she had found to said OW, gift wrapped so she opened it in front of the entire office :o

I'm not recommending it, but a bit of revenge fantasy might help you through the next few days :) xxx

Definitely get the money out of the joint account. Mine emptied ours the day after he left. I have taken the advice given to you about being the applicant not the respondent. Thanks to that poster.

Also do get in touch with his employers. They really don't look kindly on this kind of thing. Your children are young enough that they probably won't even remember the bastard a year on from now. Hope you are ok.

I don't think his employers will give a damn. If someone has an affair I would think a high percentage are with someone at work.

The police force won't give a damn

Infidelity, and sexism, is part of it's constitution

Have to agree Anyfucker

I agree with AF up to a point, but they will be interested if he starts acting like a cock and kicking off. If at any point he acts in such a way as the OP feels she needs to call in the police on her behalf, their attitude will change.

So she actually has a fair bit of power here because he knows he has to behave otherwise he will be risking his career.

That hasn't been my experience, Bogey

It's academic though, really

OP...I hope you are holding up ok

Ah Im so sorry OP - I hope you manage to get some sleep tonight.

I just wanted to caution you about involving his work though or dropping his stuff off there, as anyfucker has said, they wont really be interested. When my ex left (a copper, having an affair with a work colleague and also using escorts) I forwarded his mail onto his work address with a note on saying "as previously requested please stop having your mail delivered to my house as it only reminds me what a lying cheating coward you are" and my ex had his Sargent's arrest me for harassment.

Im not saying your ex would do the same, but it would be the last thing you needed to happen at the minute. Put his things on the front lawn when its poring with rain instead.

I'm so sorry for what you're having to go through op.

Sounds like you're managing fantastically given the circumstances. Take all the practical financial advice - I know it's a nightmare having to get organised and make phone calls when the rugs been pulled out from underneath your feet - but you and your children will be better off in the long run if you can just grit your teeth and do it.

Be careful with the Zopiclone. It's fine in the short term but addictive in the long term. Only take it when you really need to and once you're in a regular pattern of sleeping then wean yourself quickly off it. Your GP shouldn't be happy to prescribe it long term anyway.

Sending you much virtual moral support. How terribly painful for you. Just keep on keeping on - you'll get there.

Slept quite well but feel really dopey this morning. Have taken a pro plus. God, I'm turning into elvis Presley. Will try not to take zopiclone tonight. I think anyfucker and co are right, lots of people in the police have affairs. If I take his stuff in or make any kind of scene I will be the one who looks stupid. The thing that's stressing me is the thought of it going on for a year. That's so much lying and sneaking round. Also gutted that he seems relieved, said he hasn't enjoyed having DCs. The thing is, up to 18 mns ago ish he was always the most pushy about doing things together like not having our own accounts, just a joint account. I remember when we got married I thought about keeping my name and he was determined I should have his so we'd be a proper family. anyway, going to friend this morning with DCs and mum coming round this afternoon. Think I will arrange to meet H somewhere tomorrow when DS is at pre school, will leave 19 mns old with my mum. Not sure where to meet, don't want to be sobbing in a cafe! But don't want to talk at home for some reason.

He sounds like a proper knob...sorry OP that hes done this. Saying that he wanted to be a "proper family" as if a name on a bit of paper makes that! I'm glad youre going to a friends house.