Hi mums (and dads)
This is an awkward thing to talk to my close friends about, since they all know my husband really well, so I'm hoping some of you out there can help me get my head straight on this.
My husband enjoys watching porn - some hard core I understand - but nothing too deviant (no animals, young girls etc). He does this on the internet, upstairs in our loft room (which he uses as a study), and usually when I've gone to bed or I'm out for the evening.
We have discussed this before because I've been a bit uncomfortable about it, and he says it's just because my libido can't keep up with his, and since he's not the type to go and have an affair or find a prostitute, this is his way of 'scratching the itch'. He's tried to explain that for men, the sexual need is a very physical one and you have to kind of let it out otherwise you get really pent up and frustrated. And because he's not particularly imaginative, he needs some visual stimulation to assist him with this.
I find this uncomfortable, it seems really odd that he's upstairs watching women whilst his family are asleep downstairs. He says I'm being a prude and that some wives would want to go and join in.
Last time we had this discussion, we agreed that it was because I wasn't putting out enough that he required this outlet, and it turned out he felt that if we had sex regularly once a week as a minimum, he wouldn't need to find other ways of relieving his frustration. So the agreement a few weeks ago was that he'd stop watching the porn sites and I would increase my efforts in the bedroom. I feel I've kept my side of the bargain (other than the last couple of weeks when either the children or I have been ill).
Today I went to find something on the computer and discovered he's been back on all the sites again and watching it on several evenings (I ended up going through his browsing history) without saying anything to me.
I have confronted him this morning and am upset and angry - largely because he lied to me, and we had a deal - and partly because I am now worried that he has a proper addiction and I don't know where to go from here.
Am I being a prude? Is this normal (he says what he's doing is entirely normal)? Should I be grateful he is doing this within the family house rather than going out and shagging other women? I'm concerned that if I give him an ultimatum, I'll either push it underground and he'll just lie, or I'll make him so sexually frustrated he'll go and snog (or worse) someone else. Ironically, all this is doing is turning me off and making me not want to have sex with him at all.
Please send ANY opinions you have - male or female - good or bad.
Thank you x