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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The Owl Man goeth - Owelefs, come to my nest, bring wine

177 replies

ParsleyTheLioness · 05/11/2011 09:40

Well,he went about a week ago...other thread on here. Apparently his online dating habit commenced when me and dd wouldn't go owl watching with him one night....We are seeing him this morning at Mac's. He texted me to say he's moving into 'a room' (cue for sympathy, no?). I text back to say does he want the spare kettle (I am already taking him the travel iron). No response for 24 hrs, so I text again, saying, well, does he want the kettle? Get a text back, as if to a stranger who is harassing him, saying no thank you, and see you at X (in other words, I shall speak to you no more, or should that be Hoot No More, until then). I am hurt and fecked off.

Tell me not to text unless it is absolutely necessary.

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Thumbwitch · 13/11/2011 11:42

Shocking isn't it? You can't believe that anyone who professed to love you could be so cruel, so intentionally hurtful.
Evilly, when my ex left me, I thought I could probably have coped better if he had died - at least I would have known that it had been an accident and that he never meant to leave me. The deliberate act of leaving was just soooo bad. :(

However - and it took me a while to learn this - it said a lot more about him and his lack of care than it did about me and my worth. And the same goes for you too Parsley, and your DD of course. And he is a complete Arsehole for not realising how wonderful you both are and how much of a dick he is for not hanging on to you both for dear life.

Original poster
ParsleyTheLioness · 13/11/2011 14:12

Thanks Thumb....he is an Arse, I have known this for many years. We are better on our own. I have a strong sense of this, even throught the Howling meltdowns that I allow myself in private.

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Original poster
ParsleyTheLioness · 13/11/2011 14:28

I am just horrified that someone will keep on abusing you until you hate them enough to make them leave, despite repeated warnings about coffin nails. What the f is that all about then?

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Thumbwitch · 13/11/2011 21:49

That, my lovely, is about them reducing their guilt. Because you made him leave, it's your fault the relationship broke down and he can tell everyone that. He can conveniently ignore the evilness that he perpetuated upon you, because "that's just him" and you were obviously just being an unreasonable, naggy, bitter ol' harpy who "just didn't understand him". Hmm

Some men are just too cowardly to make the move themselves so they are more and more evil to you until you crack and finish it/chuck them out (have been on the receiving end of that as well, didn't have any idea wtf was going on! It was quite scary, wondering what I was doing that was causing this lunacy to occur - then I realised I wasn't doing anything!

Your howling meltdowns are good for you - you are mourning the demise of the relationship you thought you had. You'll get better, promise :)

Original poster
ParsleyTheLioness · 13/11/2011 22:05

I will Thumb, and I am....even tho this is horrid. I know I'll be ok, cos last not so dh was an arse too...and I survived! Thanks. Just need some reassurance at times.

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Original poster
ParsleyTheLioness · 13/11/2011 22:06

Ps. In my defence, last ah was over 20 yrs ago.

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Original poster
ParsleyTheLioness · 16/11/2011 12:52

So far today...electric has fused, unable to reset the trip switch for two hours, despite isolating the circuit.
Seen a rather snotty solicitor about changing the will. Must remember not to die before its sorted!
Door lock, which have paid mega-bucks to be sorted, has locked shut, despite Arse of a locksmith coming back out to it on Saturday. he showed me what to do with a screwdriver to remedy it , if it happened again. This does not work.
If I have to call him again, I will shove the screwdriver where the sun don't shine.

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Original poster
ParsleyTheLioness · 16/11/2011 13:03

Someone tell me it will get better soon....

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Thumbwitch · 16/11/2011 13:04

Oh dear, Parsley - that sounds like a shit of a day!
Why on earth didn't the locksmith fix it properly the first time? Confused I hope you didn't pay him loads - make him come back and fix it for free this time if you did!

How are you feeling in yourself?

Original poster
ParsleyTheLioness · 16/11/2011 13:16

I did pay him loads, but the back is off the original lock, so probly needs replacing. He did say that it could be opened though, from the inside with a screwdriver, so that I could take it to the shop for an exact match. This is not true. Feel really cross with him.

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Original poster
ParsleyTheLioness · 16/11/2011 13:16

I am stressed, and cross, and sad....

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Thumbwitch · 16/11/2011 13:24

Awww lovely, here, have a sneaky ((((hug)))).
Call him back and cry at him until he comes and bloody well sorts it out. Are you locked in then, or is it a back door?

Original poster
ParsleyTheLioness · 16/11/2011 13:30

Back door, so not locked in, but have to use the front door, which means sliding my fat ample arse nether regions around the porch doors....not impossible, but not easy. Will cope with the front door for now, just wonder why people can't sort stuff out properly. If I had to pay him for the back lock, I would, but he doesn't want to do it it seems. Tosser. Ta for the hug. I have chocolate fortunately. Can you get Green & Black's with cherry near you Thumb?

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Thumbwitch · 16/11/2011 13:59

Sadly not, Parsley. I used to be able to get the milk and almond but the fuckers have stopped stocking it and tbh I need to stop eating chocolate because I keep seeing photos of myself on FB and nearly dying of Shock at the sheer size of me! So haven't pressed the local supermarket so hard to re-instigate the G&B milk and almond. They do the milk, the 70% dark, the 85% dark, the white [blech], Maya Gold and that's it. I loved the one with sour cherries as well... Hey ho.

Original poster
ParsleyTheLioness · 16/11/2011 14:30

Should I send you some for Crimbo or would that be a Bad Thing? Grin

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SarahStratton · 16/11/2011 16:59

Bad day, could I just have a tiny snuggle please.

Original poster
ParsleyTheLioness · 16/11/2011 17:41

Snuggle to you...

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SarahStratton · 16/11/2011 17:53

And I snuggle you right back...

Original poster
ParsleyTheLioness · 16/11/2011 17:58

Thanks...I have had a crap day too, summat in the air obs.

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SarahStratton · 16/11/2011 18:04

Want to tell Aunty Sarah?

Original poster
ParsleyTheLioness · 16/11/2011 19:41

See 12.52 post from today...

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SarahStratton · 16/11/2011 20:23

Ouch, poor Parsley :(

Original poster
ParsleyTheLioness · 17/11/2011 09:27

Tres irritating...what happened to Sarah?

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SarahStratton · 17/11/2011 11:10

Sadness. Keep bursting into tears. I cried at the Dentists yesterday, it was mortifying.

I am stuck in a morass of 'what could have been', and I'm not doing a very good job of hauling myself out. I need slapping into reality really, I'm terrified that I will never see him again.

Thumbwitch · 17/11/2011 11:35

Parsley, you are an absolute sweetie to even think of sending me some but no, I can't accept you're kind offer because I Must Give Up Chocolate. I am working on cutting down - have gone from a whole bar to half a bar to 1/3 of a bar (although that was only tonight so fingers crossed I can sustain it) and I have plans for exercising, just need to get the impetus to do it! Hoping that my new badminton group will kick off next Thursday.... ooohh, actually quite excited by it! [saddo]

Sarah, you ok?