Belting out Adele songs to your 27 cats... dating chat thread #5

[lubeybooby]

New one! Off we go :o All kind of dating, chat here.

time and zany - i used to do that. but i genuinely do not give two shits what he thinks anymore.

time - ar they new fleece ones, they sould slighly better than my owl ones ( honestly, they couldnt be much worse!) im off in town tuesday when ive been paid, so will go have a look.

I also get what you mean about the attention, that would be nice. For me, i dont even think its that. id just quite like some sex and a bit of niceness, occassionally. And maybe someone to do the rubbish jobs, like tidy out the garage or clean the car. lol.

I had always done all the xmas stuff, well, all of the any stuff, all the time, what with my husband being away all the time. It literally made not much difference ( except financially) when i kicked him out. except now i get to see my family and get their support too.

You do sound really happy time :) hopefully at some point someone deserving of you will come along.
You too zany ( wonders where men get off saying such shit things to women)

meant to add lubey that texting thing is so annoying, the Ex is a terrible one for not answering a question - I'll text him and say (for example) 'Will you be picking DS2 up from footie and bringing him back here, or do I need to go and get him' reply usually comes back - one word - 'Yes'

I have a friend who does it as well. Making arrangements with her by text is so awful I end up just phoning her instead, at least I can actually get proper responses that way

Thing is with my ex he pointed the finger at me when it came to his own misery. He doesn't really like women, he has no respect for women whatsoever, he just doesn't rate them as human beings, he see's them as sex objects but doesn't see them fit to live with. In fact, it is him who isn't fit to live with women, him who doesn't know how to behave or maintain a relationship but he can't see that, he blames every woman he has ever been involved with, including me. I worked very hard in that relationship to be the perfect partner, to prove to him that he was wrong about me but of course it wasn't ever going to happen because he is the one with the problem. Maybe I'm wanting to show him that I am capable of maintaining a relationship and that he was the problem? Actually, I want to rephrase that because I do know for a fact that is what I wanted but having said it I no longer care, I really don't. I'm single because I choose to be, not because I'm a reject!!

My XP would say things like that and then would tell me how wonderful I was and what a good Mum I am, even if the day before he had told me I should never have had children . Think I would run for the hills at any hint of that sort of twattiness now

hello LuLu!

been away for a couple of days.... been really busy with rehearsals for the play my DS's are in....it's a huge cast with a lot of presentable young men tootling around, so I think I may be getting more involved in am dram.

texts from the doctor have dried up. I'm not bothering. Currently chatting to soundtech, a guy who works for the FSA, so we will call him 'banker' annd a nice guy on okc who has a cat. Getting a reasonable amount of interest on OKC, but am replying selectively. If I don't like the look of them, I'm not responding.

good luck for the date poppa :)

I'm glad he hasn't taken all your self confidence Time that you realise you are not a reject

Thank you watch I am really happy, I'm happier than I can ever remember being in my whole life. I've changed so much as a person since I walked out. I had counselling which helped a great deal, my confidence levels are higher than they have ever been, I actually like/love myself for the first time in my life and I really feel I have nothing to prove to anyone. I am more than happy to wait as long as it takes for Mr Right to come into my life, I'm not prepared to settle for less than what I want or feel I deserve BUT, I do worry a little that I might have set my standards a bit too high because of my past

I don't even want a man for taking the bins out, decorating, gardening, or any of those kind of jobs. I love being independent and doing everything for myself. See, I'm sat here now wondering what the hell I do want a man for!

I bought my PJ's last year for £6 watch but got them at the end of season so haven't worn them until now. I was considering one of those all in one things this year but can imagine it being a bit chilly when you need the loo!

Time so much of what you say has echos of my Ex, I don't think he really likes women either. When I met him I remember him saying how useless all his ex-gfs were, they didn't work, or didn't have proper jobs (he said this in the context of complimenting me for having a good job in law, my own home etc, not being a 'dole scrounger' ) I took it as a compliment at the time, stupid me.

Thing is over the years all the stuff he supposedly liked and valued he grew to hate and tried to destroy, he didn't like me being cleverer than him so belittled me, he didn't like me having a good job so told me it was shit and I should be earning more, and so on. I tried to make him happy for a while, but I spent years wishing he would just disappear. I hoped one day I would come home and he wouldn't be there. Eventually I found the strength to leave, and I've never ever regretted it. Am so pleased for all of us who have escaped from rubbish (for whatever reason) relationships :)

Thank you zany, he did actually once tell me that he would break me and when I left I was at such a low point that I thought he had succeeded. But I'm a fighter so I used every ounce of my strength to crawl out of the dark hole I was in. It's so much better being a survivor than it is a victim.

hahahaha. time. i have one of those all in one things. i look like a telly tubby. It is the least attractive thing in the world and yes, you get cold when you need a wee. its part of my ' keep the heating on low' plan. No other human on this planet other than my daugher ( who also has one and loves it) will ever see it.

I do want a man for those jobs, not because i cant do it, becuase i can, but because i hate doing jobs like that! lol Cleaning out the garage and doing tip runs does not fill me with joy.

Sponge - my ex was the same. Awful, Awful man, who clearly does not like women at all. He used to tell me i was hideous and a horrible person. Im neither. its his problem. The only thing i worry about is DD, and how his attitude to women will come accross to her. Luckly shes a strong minded girl ( or as the school constantly says ' free thinking, confident, future leader... also translates as sutbborn, does her own thing and is bossy' :) so im hoping she will be able to see through his shit at some point.

God where do we get these ex's from, the sound very simular in lots of ways. My XH didn't/doesn't like me being cleverer then him, at my DS's last parents evening his teacher was praising my DS as he is top of his class and joking said 'he must get it from you Mum' my ex laughed and said very condisendingly 'I very much doubt that'. Was embarrasing. At the end of the day my DS come to ME for help with homework and we have lots of interesting chats about all sorts of fairly grown up mature things that I know he doesn't have with his twatty Dad. My XP was always telling me I should get a better job and that I didn't know what work was all about and yet in the 5 years we were on/off together he only worked for about a 1/4 of the time.

Yes sponge I stupidly saw him being with me over his exes as a compliment, I mistook his jealousy, control and possessiveness as love and was stupidly flattered by it. Your ex sounds very much like mine, he hated me working, he resented my intelligence, he refused to acknowledge me in conversations, he would insist my hair looked so much better short, he did a right job on me. I used to hate the sight of his car pulling into the drive at teatime, it would make me feel physically ill to see it. I used to have daydreams that the brakes would fail on his car and the police would come knocking on the door to tell me he hadn't survived the accident...

I've never regretted leaving either, not once.

watch the tip run was my treat when I was with the ex. He never used to take me out but he would take me for a run to the tip as a treat. Yes, honestly!

I might get both me and DD an all in one, we are on a keep the heating on low plan too. Better than last year though when I couldn't afford to have it on at all!! If we wear a vest underneath it might not be as chilly when needing a wee! I do keep looking at them and thinking how cosy they must be.

Your DD sounds very much like mine too. My DD has her dad and his mother well and truly sussed and that is without any prompting from me. He tries to dictate what she eats from a menu when they are out, what outfits she wears, how she should wear her hair (he wants it short but she wants to grow it) but she stands up to him, she has her own mind and she uses it! I'm very proud of her and feel if she continues the way she is doing there will be very little chance of her ending up in an abusive relationship

watch love the description of your DD in her school reports, mine used to say opinionated/strong willed a lot so no bad thing in my view

I do wonder how/why I ended up with my Ex. I do suspect that had it not been for DS2 (I got pregnant accidentally about 6 weeks after Ex and I met) it would have fizzled out naturally after a few months. I knew in my heart within a year it wasn't right, but I had a tiny baby by then. But there is no way I would be without DS2. I just won't ever make the mistake of ending up with anyone like the Ex again!

idiots the lot of them.
I got told that all his affairs ( approx 2 a year) where my fault becuase i never forgave him for the first one. So he thought seeing as i wasnt being nice to him, that he would just continue.
The fact that he didnt confess to the first affair, let alone even say sorry for it is a moot point. Apparently.

The amout of times he belittled me as well. When i had a better job, earning more. He used to telll people i was a receptionist!! ( not that there is anything wrong with that, but i used to manage teams of people) He used to do lovely things like invite people over for dinner, then run down my clothes, or my body or tell them he had brought everything in the house and ask them, in front of me, if i should be grateful.
Nice.

I think if our DD's are strong willed and we can guide them from our experiences when they are older then I don't think they will end up in abusive relationships at all. My DD is only 8 but I often tell her not to accept anyone being horrible to her etc etc when she is older.

Maybe the next thread should be singing 'I'm a surviver' to our 27 cats and 1 dog (my hound)

time - the tip run was a TREAT!!!!!! oh my god.
yes, get one. they are vile. but warm. I indend on wearing my over normal pjs. And the possibly a dressing gown over the top ( in the evenings, planning on turning the heating off at 7:30pm)

but i was always strong willed and i still got sucked in. TBH, he didnt show his true colours until after we got married. According to him, he realised about a week after he married me that he didnt want to be married. So he was angry at me, and thats why his behaviour changded.

Again, he had asked me to marrry him, and it wasnt like i made him do it.

2 dogs ( my hound)

I have a theory and that theory is that when they meet us they are attracted to us because we are attractive, confident, independent, special women. Which I would say that every single one of us on this thread are, yes? Then, because they are insecure twats, the very qualities they found attractive in us they feel threatened by, they fear other men are going to find those same qualities attractive and because deep down they feel that they aren't up to the job of being our partners, because they don't feel worthy of us they set out to ruin us, they pull us down in order to feel secure about themselves. They don't want other men finding us attractive so they set out to destroy us.

I think we credit men with far too much intelligence!

I had a feeling someone else had a dog but couldn't remember who

watch mine changed when I got pregnant with DD, there were a few red flags which I recognise now in hindsight but he stepped it up big time once I was pregnant. I think once they have married you or got you pregnant they have you trapped, they no longer need to keep up the pretence so they become more abusive. His behaviour changed because he was showing you the real him, and he was angry at you because he was an abusive twat. Simples!

Yes, the tip run was my treat. No word of a lie. If I ever complained that he never took me out his reply would be "I took you for a run to the tip on such and such a day" and he was deadly serious. Before that he would only ever take me to the local working mens club where it was full of pensioners and no men to attract my eye. If I refused to go then I didn't get to go out so, needless to say I never got to go out.

I will definitely get me and DD a couple of those all in ones. My heating is set to go off earlier than yours . We have an electric blanket so snuggle up in my bed and watch TV. But, I will admit I also have a fear of putting on the heating as a result of living with him. He very rarely allowed the heating on. It was a huge house that was also very cold so I was always freezing. He once got a gas bill for £333.33 and he went absolutely mental with me, in the drive way while I was holding DD who was an 8 month old baby, in my arms. He went crazy!! A few days after that I found a betting slip for £400 in his pocket for a horse he had backed and which had lost He even took out the gas fire and had a coal fire put in, which I had to clean out and light every single day. After I left he had a gas fire put back in. But all of that has left me with a phobia of big bills, it's weird but I feel in my comfort zone if I'm cold and the heating isn't on. I feel sort of safe. I panic when the heating is on. It's totally stupid and I am trying to overcome it but out of everything that I went through with him that is the only thing that still affects me.

He sounds vile. Put your heating on! :) and get some of those all in ones. Just be prepared to look awful :)

I thought 7:30 was early for it to go off? Ive not got it on yet, but when it goes on it will be for an hour in the morning and then from 3pm till 7:30pm.

I cant stand being cold, but have made a real effort with getting the themostat lower, and im going to not let it get above 19 this year.

Im gobsmacked at the tip thing. Mind you, i didnt get taken anywhere, and when i tried to get him do something he would tell me that he didnt want to go anywhere with me and than i was boring.
Which is ridiclous, as im the least boring person i know.

bloody hell these men

time I think you're right about them getting you in a position where you're trapped, in my case it wasn't when I got pregnant but when we bought this house together (we lived in my house before that) That was when he showed his true self, within a week I asked to hang up some of my pictures, he smashed the glass in every single one :(

I don't really have the heating much (I never put it on before November anyway). We only have 3 working radiators, so they dont make much difference, luckily we dont really feel the cold. We do have a v powerful fire in the lounge so when it gets colder we sit in front of that :) thinking of investing in an electric blanket as well as my bedroom does get a bit chilly.

He is vile! The daft thing is that I was grateful for that trip out to the tip!! They really do a number on you don't they? You become conditioned.

The crazy thing about the heating is that I pay by direct debit, £33 a month and because I barely had it on at all last year I'm in credit by £170 but still I daren't put it on! And mine is set to come on for 45 minutes in a morning and an hour at night when it does eventually come on. I don't have it on at all when DD isn't home. Once I have conquered the heating thing then I am made!