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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He pushed me out of the car

74 replies

LouP19 · 15/10/2011 19:19

Went out for a 'nice day' with husband. We got into an awkward conversation at one point about his family and money issues and he completely lost his temper and kept telling me to shut up. He then pulled over and pushed me out of the car and sped off. He left me in the middle of no where on a country lane.

He came back within 5 minutes and apologised and asked me to get in the car. We drove back in complete silence, I came upstairs and he came up again to say 'I'm very sorry I should not have done that'. I told him to leave me alone for the rest of today, and he has now thankfully gone out.

I'm in shock. I don't know if this is very serious, or to be grateful that he quickly recognised the insanity of his actions and tried to right them. We were in the middle of no where in the countryside, so I had no idea when he would come back. I can't even begin to sort this information out in my head, let alone talk to him about the awfulness of what he did.

He does have a bad temper (and when I see his family I know where it comes from), but we've been married for 4 years and it has massively improved. But he hasn't even done anything like this before.

Should I just move on and see this as a blip? Is this normal?!!!!!

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 15/10/2011 19:26

No it is not normal, but people don't do normal things when angry.

Maybe he needs to take an Anger Mangement class.

MangoMonster · 15/10/2011 19:27

I don't think it's normal, bit you said he's never done it before. I would talk to him, find out why and make sure he knows how unacceptable it is. 5 mins is a long time in a country lane. I think it's very childish IMO.

RitaMorgan · 15/10/2011 19:31

Wow, I would be absolutely livid! Beyond livid in fact. It would take a lot of convincing to persuade me it won't happen again - definitely needs to address his temper, and do some serious apologising.

ImperialBlether · 15/10/2011 19:33

No, normal behaviour is saying (maybe with gritted teeth) "Let's talk about this at home", not pushing a woman out of the car into a country lane.

(It would so tempting in that situation to just "disappear" for a few days to really show him what a stupid thing it was to do.)

margerykemp · 15/10/2011 19:34

Ffs is there ANYONE at all on mn tonight who ISNT in an abusive relationship?

babycham42 · 15/10/2011 19:35

He has apologised (properly) and hasn't done anything like this before.

I can fully sympathise with your shock Lou though.

I think he realised quickly he'd done wrong and has done what he can to rectify it.None of us are perfect so I reckon as it stands I would see it as a blip.

Original poster

LouP19 · 15/10/2011 19:36

You're right 'ImperialBlether', I did think about packing my bag and staying at a hotel tonight to get my own back,........!
He's just come upstairs and said 'Please come downstairs to be with me', but I'm so angry I can't be in his company. I feel he's apologised like he trod on my foot or something.
It was like a scene out of a bad soap - he even did a big wheel spin when he drove off. What an idiot!

OP posts:

Annie421 · 15/10/2011 19:37

No it's not normal and I can understand why you are so angry, you must have also been so scared being left like that, you say though that he hasn't done anything like this before, hopefully he is sorry and will never do anything like this again. Is he abusive towards you in any other ways? If not then perhaps his temper just got the better of him? It is no way right what he did but people do stupid things in anger.

MeMySonAndI · 15/10/2011 19:42

No, he shouldn't have push you off the car.

But why you didn't stop when he asked you repeatedly to shut up. Obviously this doesn't justify his actions, that was wrong but, you are not totally right either..

ballroomblitz · 15/10/2011 19:44

It isn't neccessarily normal but then maybe it was a case of he thought he was really going to lose his temper. Kind of like slamming a door and storming off.

MY friend actually did that to an ex but he didn't drive back, funny enough that was the last of them. We all do and say silly things in the heat of an arguement. Not that I'm condoning it. I would be furious too.

squeakytoy · 15/10/2011 19:46

He kept telling you to stop.. you carried on... so you were both at fault.

I had a row with a boyfriend years ago.. and I drove off and left him in the middle of nowhere.... and I didnt turn round and go back for him.

CristinaaarghdellAaarghPizza · 15/10/2011 19:47

I've always wondered how you push someone out of a car. How did he open the door? Why didn't you hang onto the seat while he was trying to push you? Are you hurt?

Kick2down · 15/10/2011 19:49

Actually, saying 'shut up' repeatedly ain't great behaviour, either. Saying 'shut up' to me once would make me beyond livid with DH. Everyone has different styles of arguing, of course, but I wonder if you're putting up with a lot of milder crap that some of us might consider unacceptable. (Clearly pushing you out of a car is WAY beyond acceptable.) Maybe you could both use a bit of counselling on how to disagree without having it turn nasty? Or maybe just he needs that, it's hard to tell from your OP.

Original poster

LouP19 · 15/10/2011 19:50

No, he's not abusive. He has a bad temper, but over the years it has got a lot better - as have my reactions to it (which is to get up and walk away). As I said, all of his family are very similar, and to them shouting at people to get your point across is perfectly normal.

The subject matter was probably the key issue. His parents came to visit us a couple of weekends ago and I made the point that I was surprised that his parents expect us to pay for everything during their visit (including 2 meals out). He didn't like this,...... and he didn't like it because it was too close to the bone. :-( Although still no excuse for his reaction of course.

OP posts:

Kick2down · 15/10/2011 19:53

Oh, and 'his family' and 'money issues' are two things I would not want to argue about with DH while driving and having a nice day out. That's very emotive stuff.

Original poster

LouP19 · 15/10/2011 19:54

Agree I should have dropped the issue, but as one of the posters said, he kept saying 'Shut up, shut up!' which was just winding me up and making me do the exact opposite. It's a phrase he uses often in arguments when someone is saying something he doesn't want to hear.

Re; being hurt, no I'm not. He leant across and opened the door, undid my seat belt and started to push my arm. I just got out because he'd absolutely lost it by then,.......

OP posts:

StewieGriffinsMom · 15/10/2011 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CristinaaarghdellAaarghPizza · 15/10/2011 19:54

Shouting is not the same as pushing someone out of a car though. And it is fair enough that you raised the subject of his parents never paying for anything. You should be able to discuss the way that your finances as a couple are handled without him totally losing it. :(

Are you scared of him?

babycham42 · 15/10/2011 19:55

I have had it happen to me.He did come back.But it was an abusive relationship and it was one of many more worse incidents.I got out because I was scared of what he'd do if I didn't (because I had a good idea)

If he's not done anything before I stand by my previous post.But,thinking on,did you get out because you were scared of what he'd do OP? If so I reckon it needs a little thinking about.....

Kick2down · 15/10/2011 19:55

X-posted, OP. Yeah, really not a great time to bring up that you think his parents are freeloaders.

Annie421 · 15/10/2011 19:56

Yes you should have just dropped it, especially as it was about his family ... but its instinct to carry the conversation on when someone tells you to shut up, i know that i would have carried it on, right or wrong

squeakytoy · 15/10/2011 19:56

It is also ridiculously stupid of both of you to be carrying on a fierce argument while driving a car, and putting other road users at risk.

Kick2down · 15/10/2011 19:58

Well, if he's always shouting 'shut up' during disagreements, then he needs help. You probably do too. That's no way to handle the disagreements that will always come up in life. Never mind shoving you out of the car - clearly very wrong.

MangoMonster · 15/10/2011 19:59

Parents are an extremely emotive issue, especially in a confined space, obviously no excuse, but maybe pick your moment better next time. Never good to upset someone when they are driving and need to concentrate.

Original poster

LouP19 · 15/10/2011 20:02

No, not scared of him. But I hate it when he shouts.

He is inept at talking about important issues though. Agree we should not have been talking about them in the car, but this issue arose as a consequence of a previous conversation we were having,.... so of course you're not really thinking 'is this sensible?' at the time, it just evolved. :-(

OP posts:

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