He pushed me out of the car

[LouP19]

Went out for a 'nice day' with husband. We got into an awkward conversation at one point about his family and money issues and he completely lost his temper and kept telling me to shut up. He then pulled over and pushed me out of the car and sped off. He left me in the middle of no where on a country lane.

He came back within 5 minutes and apologised and asked me to get in the car. We drove back in complete silence, I came upstairs and he came up again to say 'I'm very sorry I should not have done that'. I told him to leave me alone for the rest of today, and he has now thankfully gone out.

I'm in shock. I don't know if this is very serious, or to be grateful that he quickly recognised the insanity of his actions and tried to right them. We were in the middle of no where in the countryside, so I had no idea when he would come back. I can't even begin to sort this information out in my head, let alone talk to him about the awfulness of what he did.

He does have a bad temper (and when I see his family I know where it comes from), but we've been married for 4 years and it has massively improved. But he hasn't even done anything like this before.

Should I just move on and see this as a blip? Is this normal?!!!!!

I
Hope your ok. It was totally out of order and he should NOT of done it. But if you were at home etc then he would of stomped out of the room to calm down. I'm not sticking up for him but it's like he needed a min to cool down. He needs to talk to you and find new ways to calm down in situations where he can't escape.

Just wanted to say 'thanks' for everyone's replies by the way, it's great to sound this out and get different perspectives,....

Why did you pick a 'nice day' out to raise a contentious issue related to his famly that happened 2 weeks ago?

And why did you raise it when he was driving? Is it because you feel that he's able to avoid listening to you at other times?

Just because your partner looses their temper with you does not men they are an abuser.

Agree with onefatcat, it was a hideous thing to do but haven't we all done something hideous in a fit of anger. He doesn't do these things often, but just keep an eye on his anger and if it continues, he might need some help with it.

Another agreeing with onefatcat and Mango.

You aren't scared of him and he's never hurt you.He lost his cool and regretted it.It wasn't nice for you at all but he did apologise.He sounds human.I make mistakes,loose my rag and say shit things sometimes - also human.
If you become scared or he hurts you - a different story.

So he didn't actually push you out?

Awful thing to happen, he was being a twat. If you had been physically pushed out of the car I think you really ought to leave. But if you got out of your own accord, although he was being a twat, he wasn't violent towards you (or was he?)

Sorry, but I cant believe what I am Reading here.
He pushed his DP out of a car. He drove off. Somehow this is the OP's fault for not responding to his command to "shut up" when she is told to.
This is not normal behaviour in a loving relationship. It isnot Ok this time & it will not be ok the next time either.

You seem to be missing something Penguins.

The OPs dh did not push her out of a moving car. Because he didn't want to listen to what she was saying, he stopped the car on a country lane, undid her seat belt, and she then got out of the car whereupon he did a boy racer wheelie and drove off - only to return 5 mins later.

Your dh needs help to begin to unlearn negative patterns that were set in his childhood and which most probably continue to be reinforced by the way his family initiate and respond to arguments.

You both need help to improve and hone the way you communicate with each other on issues that may prove to be contentious for either of you.

I would suggest you source individual counselling for your dh and, once he has begun to learn that shouting is unacceptable, you consider couples counselling so that you can raise issues of contention in a safe venue and learn how to deal with them as a team rather than taking up a position of warring sides.

You seem to be missing something Izzy.
Her DP started to push her so she got out before he could push her out. He then drove off at speed, presumably with little concern for her safety. Why did she get out? Presumably because instinct told her it was the safest thing to do at the time. All the counselling you can suggest won't change the fact that he thinks it's fine to tell his dp to shut up when she says something he doesn't like and then reacts in an extreme way when she does not obey his commands.

We need clarification about the 'pushing' bit.

Sorry, but counselling??? because he got got cross and drove off in his car, but came back 5 minutes later??? Get real!

Do some people on here actually live on earth, you have never stormed off from an argument with a loved one which this was the equivalent of- only they were in the car so he had to drive off!

This is wrong. You can feel like stopping the car and pushing someone out. You might even say "I really need to put this on hold till we get back, I feel like chucking you out of the car just now." But he did it. It's wrong, wrong, wrong.

He was prepared to chuck you out and leave you in the middle of nowhere.
The fact that he had a rethink and is apologising is NOT the point.
People who hit their partners & children rethink later and apologise.
It doesn't make it okay.

I'm sorry, Lou, but this is way out of order and it's not just "anger". It's contempt for your right to speak, and contempt for your safety. It was domination.

Will you be afraid to raise tricky issues in the car from now on?

It's not the same as walking away from an argument, fgs!!

They were in the car.
You cannot 'walk out' of a car.
If you're not willing to moderate your behaviour due to circumstances or location, you aren't safe to be out in public!

Some people might have pulled in safely, said We need timeout, and gone for a walk or summat. Not chucked the other person out and buggered off.

Phew, SGM! I thought there were only two lonely voices ...

After the holidays, innit. All those strained couples playing happy families, pushes some over the edge. Happens in January, too, after Christmas :(

Cannot believe OP is being told she's to blame - even partly - for this.

A NORMAL response by him would be for him to argue back at her - tell her she was wrong about his parents, that he disagreed, that she was being unreasonable.

I could even give him the telling her to "shut up" as being pretty normal, but very disrespectful (it shows he can't discuss anything like an adult, as telling someone to shut up is just childish IMO).

But undoing her seat belt and opening the door for her to get out while pushing her (however he did it - it's not clear) is just horrible. Not your fault OP, I can understand why you are so upset and pissed off.

If you're really angry and you're driving, the best thing to do is to pull over and get out of the car. Not kick your wife out and scream up off the road.

I'm glad you're not scared of him OP but I suspect you felt like you might have been hurt if you hadn't got out of the car when you did.

Would your husband consider counselling? I think he really needs to look at ways to manage his anger. Whatever his family are like, he has a choice. Does he lose his rag like this at work? Or is it just with you that he goes into meltdown? Whenever people say 'oh well, I just have a bit of a temper', generally they don't actually let rip at times where they might lose a job or something. So actually they can control it, they just choose not to at times.

Can I ask were you shouting at him or basically not stopping having a go at him as some men can't take constant nagging and have to get out of that situation quick before there temper goes completely.? Don't agree with him pushing you out of the car whatsoever, were you stopped or were you still moving I havnt read the full thread,, I hope your un hurt