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Original poster

Plenty of Fish, yes, but where are the men? Dating chat thread #4

999 replies

lubeybooby · 12/10/2011 15:14

A new one (again)

Dating, internet dating, all kinds of dating.... chat about it here.

Off you go! :o

OP posts:
PoppaRob · 15/10/2011 14:14

I do have a very sweet tooth. My ideal meal would be something like teryaki beef and rice washed down with a southern comfort and coke. I've never liked sour or bitter tastes. I do find normal coke tastes very sweet and syrupy since I changed to Diet Coke or Pepsi Max, so I guess a gradual change could achieve something.

Original poster
lubeybooby · 15/10/2011 14:22

Definitely Poppa. Friends and family used to gasp in horror at my request for three sugars, but I couldn't see for the life of me how they could have none/one/even two. Then I did the Atkins and had to give up sugar totally or have splenda. I preferred none! Then when i stopped the Atkins I started having one normal sweetener or one sugar if no sweetener available.

I made a coffee with three sugars for my niece the other day and had a sip, it was awful. Just toooo too sweet.

1 heaped spoon of sugar is 50 cals, so by dropping to one sweetener and one sugar you are losing 100 cals per cup. Add that up over a week and you have a 1lb weight loss worth in cals just from the sugar drop!

OP posts:
adamschic · 15/10/2011 14:35

I agree with Watch on this, although I don't agree with everything she does.

Every single dating site tells you to keep safe. DO NOT let them pick you up from home, PLEASE. You meet in a public place and you make you own way there and back. You've never met these men and they might be perfectly fine, most are, but you are taking a huge risk. Dating someone you have met before and have a mutual attraction to is totally different. You both know you want to kiss, cuddle even shag, you've met before!

I have had lots of experience and these are my rules:-

Rule 1 As above

Rule 2 Drive, if possible to the first meeting, don't let alcohol cloud your judgement, keep the beer goggles, firmly off

Rule 3 Don't take them home with you on the first date, even if you want to shag their arse off.

Rule 4 See above, don't shag on first meeting.

Rule 5 Reflect on the date and let them get back to you and if you want to see them again, knowing you both want more then the rules are relaxed but still be on your guard.

If they guy is worth it then he won't mind you sticking to the rules and I would be a bit suspicious if a man thought it was OK for him to pick you up. He might think he is in already.

watchoutforthatsnail · 15/10/2011 14:47

Yay Adams :)
I just think its not worth playing with personal safety.

Even though my rules tail off sooner :)

Though they don't every time, just when rum/lust gets the better of me.

PoppaRob · 15/10/2011 14:55

I found a pic of my sister and I where i'm not only smiling but my eyes are actually open, so I've done some editing and popped it up as a profile pic. Opinions welcome.

Original poster
lubeybooby · 15/10/2011 15:20

It's not your best one Poppa, one eye is less open than the other. Great smile though :o

OP posts:
PoppaRob · 15/10/2011 15:30

I always seem to have my eyes shut in photos... and if I try to make sure they're open I look stunned! :)

TimeForMeIsFree · 15/10/2011 15:56

See, I'm still finding this a tad confusing and contradictory. I get the personal safety and agree. So, we haven't to let anyone pick us up from home but if we fancy them/feel comfortable with them, approximately 3 hours after meeting them we can take them home and shag them on the first date? Surely if we are thinking personal safety we shouldn't be shagging them until we have got to know them a whole lot better, know more about them and trust them. That makes more sense to me.

Like I said before, I'm not being deliberately argumentative and I understand the personal safety, I just don't see how you can suddenly be safe because you have had a drink with someone and known them for a few hours. I don't see the risks being any lesser. Confused

Original poster
lubeybooby · 15/10/2011 16:13

To be absolutely certain of your safety you'd have to not shag or get any closer at all or give away where you live til about the 15th date. Even then if you went on to get married they could turn into a wanker. No one has any guarantees no matter what date you're on

Long as you at least know they are who they say they are, and they aren't clingy/needy/funny with you if you don't text (ie stalker tendencies) and don't give you a bad 'feeling' in any other way, then just keep your wits about you and go for it. I don't think anyone is ever any safer than that and that you don't glean any further information than that about someone magically after the 2nd/3rd date than you do on the 1st and the run up to it

[shrug]

OP posts:
Snapespeare · 15/10/2011 16:15

hellish day - our 11 week old kitten died in the night. children all very sad:( took him to the vets to be cremated and was cross examined by belligerent bitch vet lady about why he hadn't been in for a kitten check on purchase and why he hadn't had his inoculations. DS2 in tears.

realise this is nothing to do about dating, but don't want to start a separate thread. unlikely any dating going on for me for a couple of weeks.:(

TimeForMeIsFree · 15/10/2011 16:20

Oh no Snape I'm so sorry about the kitten, that's awful. Take no notice of the vet, insensitive woman!

Snapespeare · 15/10/2011 16:24

:( keep thinking about my son tucking him in his blazer and trying to smuggle him out of the house so he could go to school with him. we still have his sister, who is a bit WTF. so sad. will need to get a 'replacement' when we feel a bit more up to it. we really loved him. Sad

Original poster
lubeybooby · 15/10/2011 16:26

Awww Snape that's horrible for you :(

I got my kitten at 8 weeks and I didn't get her checked and vaccinated until she went in to be spayed at 6 months. I wasn't told off at all and presumed it was ok as I wasn't letting her outside til after the spaying. If that really is something you're meant to do immediately then I had no idea. Anyway what I'm saying is don't feel bad, you're not the only one! [hug]

OP posts:
TimeForMeIsFree · 15/10/2011 16:27

Sad I'm sorry snape it's terrible when you lose a well loved pet. Does the vet know what happened and why he died? Is his sister ok, health wise?

wrigglytummy · 15/10/2011 16:31

Snape sorry to hear of your crappy weekend.
Onwards from safety and dieting, I have turned my new leaf and emailed 4 'new' fish blokes, rung another (who was I was keeping up my sleeve) to see if he is available 'spur of the moment' tomorrow (but he is away for the weekend) and am now contemplating the sofa and chocolate option
.... single life is such a joy!

adamschic · 15/10/2011 16:31

Sorry about the cat snape.

Time, I didn't say it was OK to take them home, see my rules Grin.

Lubey, sorry but read the guidelines on POF about meeting up for the first time. You can get alot from your gut instinct about a person after spending a few hours with them, not least is the physical chemistry which is why we are dating. I would never get in a car with someone I'd never had a face to face conversation with in a dating scenario. Why carn't you meet him out, is there a reason? Hope he turns out to be OK.

TimeForMeIsFree · 15/10/2011 16:41

adamschic I'm not on about your rules, I was more referring to our discussions over previous days where I had just got used to the idea that it was ok to shag a bloke on the first date. I can get into his pants but not into his car Grin

Anyway, am fed up of the safety talk now. Let's get back to having some fun!!

Original poster
lubeybooby · 15/10/2011 16:43

I know all the guidelines and agree with them but only for when someone naive, easily fleeced, is just starting out in dating land and doesn't know how to get a good 'feel' for someone and check them out a bit, OR when someone isn't sure and don't trust their own nerve and instincts.

I'm not worried in the slightest honestly. I know he is who he says he is, our kids go to the same school and know each other, I know a couple of other people that know him as we live in the same town.

The reason he is picking me up is because I asked him to, he didn't suggest it. I don't do that every time, in fact quite rarely but in this case I'm perfectly satisfied and have a good enough knowledge of him that I'm more than happy to do it.

OP posts:
TimeForMeIsFree · 15/10/2011 16:47

Yeah, I can see tomorrow's headlines, "Woman attacked while walking to meet first time date"

'Miss lubeybooby was walking along the dark road when her attacker struck. Due to wearing 5" heels and leather pants she could hardly breathe in she was unable to run. Her attacker used her handbag strap to strangle her with. Her date had offered to pick her up in his car but she had refused due to safety reasons'.

Nuff said Grin

TimeForMeIsFree · 15/10/2011 16:49

Yep, just the same as me last night lubey Smile

You have a fab night and make the most of a good feed before we crack on with losing that stone!

TimeForMeIsFree · 15/10/2011 16:50

Is this one a potential shag by the way lubey Wink

adamschic · 15/10/2011 16:55

OK, I didn't realise you knew of him already. Have a good night.

I would normally drive myself to a first date or walk if it was to a place close by. I have a fav cafe/bar a few minutes walk from me, it's very central and the only decent place around just to have a drink. I've met several there and it's getting embarrassing to go there on dates now. I'm sure the staff think I'm dodgy. Grin

Original poster
lubeybooby · 15/10/2011 17:03

I don't drive but more often than not on a first date I either walk to meet them in town, or get the train to the nearest city and meet there. But yeah it's just in this ones case that I've actually asked for the pick up, and that's only because I do feel I know enough to be more than safe and do feel very comfortable with it. This is the first one that's picked me up in... ohhh about 20 months? I was in a relationship for 12 months of that though so no dating then. But the one before that last one was probably a good 6 months before that too.

Every situation taken on it's individual merits or lack thereof :)

OP posts:
Original poster
lubeybooby · 15/10/2011 17:05

adamschic I'm sure I'll be recognised in my fave restaurant now, that's why I've chosen somewhere different for tonight :o

OP posts:
Original poster
lubeybooby · 15/10/2011 17:16

Just phoned him to check all is ok for tonight - and it is, so yay :o

Outfit decided on. Nice jeans, nice boots, black top with slight cleavage, and long cardi to cover arms and because it will be a bit chilly later. Meeting at 7.30 and I'm intending to be back about 10pm/10.30 ish, he won't be drinking as he is driving and I won't be drinking (not much anyway) in solidarity

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