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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

how to find out if he's interested

149 replies

cantstandthenoise · 08/10/2011 22:57

I am a single mum with a 7 year old dd. I'm 42 but think I'm still quite attractive and am often asked out/propositioned etc but unfortunately not usually men I'm attracted to.

Recently I've met a man through my daughter's friend's mum who I really fancy and a few times we've all been out in a group for a meal or a few drinks. I know he's single and we've chatted a bit but not much. I suppose he's not interested in me or he'd have asked me out/shown an interest but my friend says that he's very shy.

I saw him this evening at a party at her house and again no vibes so I should give up. The trouble is I'm no good at giving off vibes that I'm interested or flirting so I just don't know. My friend says that if the opportunity comes up (as she is friends with him) she'll bring up the subject of him being single one day and say 'what about cantstandthenoise?'.

Do you think this is a good idea or pointless? My experience is that if a man is interested he makes it clear.

OP posts:
PigletJohn · 10/10/2011 13:15

Genetic programming.

Men have to sleep nearest the door so they can fight off wild animals, and they don't ask for directions. Surely you know that?

TheRhubarb · 10/10/2011 13:28

LOL! I didn't know that but the world seems to be a better place now I do! Grin

BettySwalloxs · 10/10/2011 13:58

Life is so complicated sometimes, isn't it?

CSTN - Don't know if it has been mentioned, but can you text him? Does your friend have his mob no. if you don't?

PJ - I am somewhat startled at your verbose telephone conversations tbh.

Mine usually take the following form:

Me: Beer?
Mate: Yeah.
Me: 7.30 at the Rose?
Mate: yeah. see you there.

Less is more.

Therefore, CSTN, text him with - Coffee? 1pm sat at [venue]. See you there. CSTN.
Job done. Wink

ScarahStratton · 10/10/2011 13:59

Christ, what have said in the past if Pan needs a sledgehammer Confused

SingleMan25b · 10/10/2011 14:48

Sending a text is just another sidestep. Simply picking up the phone and making a call is much simpler.

cantstandthenoise: (rings mans phone number)
Man: (picks up phone) Err.. (meaning Hello)

cantstandthenoise: Hello Man, it's me cantstandthenoise - you remember xyz's friend from the party last week?
Man: Oh

cantstandthenoise: Look I wanted to speak with you at the party but I thought you might think I was a predator or a stalker!
Man: err (meaning who's this nutter)

cantstandthenoise: Anyway, I want to ask you a question. Have you got two forms of photo ID you can bring with you to the pub this Friday at 9pm
Man: err Yes! Will my library card do as one?

cantstandthenoise: Yes! So I'll see you you at the Rose & Crown at 9.30 after the footballs finished - don't worry about bringing a urine sample, we can do it when you get there. Bye
Man: err OK (meaning Yes and bye)

Man: (20 minutes later) I wonder what she wanted?

-

And although the football match went into extra time, after a clear penalty was disallowed in the final minutes - which again raised the debate for goal line technology to be introduced by the FA - thus making the man understandably late for his date - they both lived happily ever after. (separately)

Pan · 10/10/2011 15:11

Bellisimo, SM! Just got to tweak the truth a leetle bit and it's so funny.

canstand - it's all so true. 'Cept forthe urine sample. I hope...just ask him. "Do you imbibe Class A drugs?".

TheRhubarb · 10/10/2011 16:19

Oh and don't forget the psychology questionnaire and the DNA sample for genetic testing.

There should be a app to let people you know you fancy them. Like a neon flashlight above their heads that reads "FANCY A SHAG?" That only they can see. Otherwise it would cause problems. Obviously. Unless it was that kind of party. In which case you wouldn't need an app.

AnyCorpseFucker · 10/10/2011 17:12

This is getting a bit bizarre Grin

ScareyFairenuff · 10/10/2011 18:21

Any update yet OP? Have you spoken to him or your friend? I have to pop out for a bit but will check back with you later.

cantstandthenoise · 10/10/2011 22:02

really bizarre that this thread has generated so much debate, but no update unfortunately...

OP posts:
ScareyFairenuff · 10/10/2011 22:14

It's because we love a good romance

Some of us are living vicariously you know Grin

So, having slept on it, have you decided to leave it or to let your friend see what she can find out?

I take it the asking him yourself is still not an option at the moment?

Pan · 10/10/2011 22:18

Indeed living it vicariously.

You know what. Whatever happens, if you phone him or not, just make some stuff up for us?? Make it wildly and heart-stoppingly romantic, funny, tender and happy. We really don't mind being lied to.Grin

CheerfulSingsOut · 10/10/2011 22:23

Grin at Pan

Pan · 10/10/2011 22:27

Well it's true.Smile.

cantstandthenoise · 10/10/2011 22:29

yes I like the idea of keeping this thread going. Kind of like my own personal therapists. Unfortunately as I have no updates I will either have to make stuff up or start posting other unrelated problems! (men are so different to women by the way, phoning - no, possibly texting if I was very drunk...but neither probably).

OP posts:
PigletJohn · 10/10/2011 22:34

texting is no good.

phone not much good

Face to face is best.

If you want to do anything, you have to ask him.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 10/10/2011 23:06

If you're not going to call him - and it really is as simple as SingleMan has made it - you're going to have to wait until you encounter him again at some future event, by which time a more enterprising woman may have snatched him from under your nose, so to speak.

I've asked men out usually after I've got to know them slightly through being at the same events/parties etc - just a casual 'would you like to come to see...' or 'would you be my plus1 on...'. If they want to read into my invitation more than I've intended, that's their problem and if they say no that's their problem too. Offhand, I can't remember any who declined but there must have been some who got away from my evil clutches.

However, there was an occasion when I was introduced in passing to a divine looking guy by a friend - one of those situations where you stand on the sidelines like a spare part while the 2 of them have an intense chat about people they know, and you don't, before going separate ways.

Friend told me he was single and available, gave me his number, and a week or so later I called him. After telling him my credentials (friend of x, we were introduced briefly, etc), I asked him if he'd like to accompany me to a night at the opera (yes, I had tickets).

Much to my (very temporary) chagrin he said no (silly man), but when I bumped into him a month or so later and reminded him I'd called him, he invited me out straightaway. It transpired that when I rang him he couldn't 'place' me and was scared he'd be in for a evening of ... well, let's not go there.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained - and in these situation the spoils inevitably go to the fleet of foot.

As for texting when drunk - it's never a good idea to try and break the ice with strangers when you're paralytic/off your trolley unless you're certain they're equally loaded when you press 'send message'.

BertieBotts · 10/10/2011 23:14

Mumsnet rule #36: If it's a POAS thread, or a FGS just ask him out thread, it will attract way more traffic and people waiting for updates than you ever thought possible Grin

Men have to sleep near the door to fend off wild animals? How come I always end up nearest the door fending off the wild toddler?

Nippysnippy · 11/10/2011 12:39

Pop your number down on a card with a casual note about calling you if he fancies going out sometime.
Give to friend to handover.
See what happens.
If he does nothing you can have the polite excuses from him when you next meet and settle on being friends.
He may however call when he is not put on the spot by a face to face, esp as he is shy. He can build up to it if he interested.
No to Facebook stalk. Tacky.

PigletJohn · 11/10/2011 12:45

you mean speaking to someone face to face, or even phoning them, is so horrid that you can't possibly do it? But on the other hand it's so easy and relaxed...

Spellcheck · 11/10/2011 13:33

Just de-lurking to beg cantstandthenoise to ask this man out for a drink sooner rather than later! While she is still in his recent memory. He would by now definitely think she is not interested - what a nice surprise to get a phone call from that nice-looking but aloof woman from Saturday!

Please don't waste any more time dithering! If he says no (and he probably won't), then at least you know, and can move on with your life. Not embarrassing, if he doesn't fancy you then so what, you're not going to die, are you?!

I've done it, it was extremely hard to build up the courage but two years later I don't regret it...we are so happy. I hope you do it soon, and I hope that whatever happens it will give you confidence to do the same in the future. Smile

Following this thread for an update...!

ScareyFairenuff · 11/10/2011 16:57

My friend says that if the opportunity comes up (as she is friends with him) she'll bring up the subject of him being single one day and say 'what about cantstandthenoise?'.

The trouble here is waiting for the opportunity to come up. As you are absolutely determined not to call him, could you get your friend to call and ask if he's interested? Or, as I suggested previously, get her to set up a blind date (well blind to him anyway) for later this week.

We are too impatient to wait longer than that Grin.

PfftTheMagicDraco · 11/10/2011 17:15

Just ask the poor fucker out!

PigletJohn · 11/10/2011 18:14

she's willing to consider anything, except for what might actually work Hmm

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