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Original poster

how to find out if he's interested

149 replies

cantstandthenoise · 08/10/2011 22:57

I am a single mum with a 7 year old dd. I'm 42 but think I'm still quite attractive and am often asked out/propositioned etc but unfortunately not usually men I'm attracted to.

Recently I've met a man through my daughter's friend's mum who I really fancy and a few times we've all been out in a group for a meal or a few drinks. I know he's single and we've chatted a bit but not much. I suppose he's not interested in me or he'd have asked me out/shown an interest but my friend says that he's very shy.

I saw him this evening at a party at her house and again no vibes so I should give up. The trouble is I'm no good at giving off vibes that I'm interested or flirting so I just don't know. My friend says that if the opportunity comes up (as she is friends with him) she'll bring up the subject of him being single one day and say 'what about cantstandthenoise?'.

Do you think this is a good idea or pointless? My experience is that if a man is interested he makes it clear.

OP posts:
ScareyFairenuff · 09/10/2011 21:25

Could your friend set up a blind date?

You could act surprised but happy that it's him when you meet!

Pan · 09/10/2011 21:26

FFS. If you don't ask him out, I will.Grin. Or you!

Just do it.

Original poster
cantstandthenoise · 09/10/2011 21:26

oh my god, all these people saying ask him out, I wish I could!

OP posts:
Pan · 09/10/2011 21:27

and you can.

motherinferior · 09/10/2011 21:29

I really think it's the only option. He's shy. You fancy him. It is quite likely that nothing will happen, on account of him being shy. That would be a waste.

ScareyFairenuff · 09/10/2011 21:29

Phone him now, for the love of God woman!

ScareyFairenuff · 09/10/2011 21:31

FFS. If you don't ask him out, I will.. Or you!

Pan, are you asking OP out on a date? Shock Grin

Pan · 09/10/2011 21:32

Tis merely a threat.Grin

ScareyFairenuff · 09/10/2011 21:34

(You don't look that scary) Wink

There you go OP, you've already got a back up. Smile

Original poster
cantstandthenoise · 09/10/2011 21:35

that's a shame!!

OP posts:
tifflins · 09/10/2011 21:37

Ask him out, that way, if he refuses you know where you stand and can move on to the next possible love of you life. But if he agrees it could be the start of something really special. At least you will know.......

Pan · 09/10/2011 21:38

so canstand..what's it to be??

tifflins · 09/10/2011 21:39

P.s I don't think your dc would put him off and if it does he not worth having anyway.

AuraofDora · 09/10/2011 21:40

OP i think you have had some good advice here, first hand from blokes
it makes sense just to do it, get it over with and ask..
the 19th century fannying around via girlfriends is not for these times
go to it....

ScareyFairenuff · 09/10/2011 21:40

If you were going to ask him, hypothetically speaking, what would you say?

Original poster
cantstandthenoise · 09/10/2011 21:41

you don't look scary (you look just my type) - see I can say it to a stranger on the internet!!

OP posts:
ScareyFairenuff · 09/10/2011 21:44
Pan · 09/10/2011 21:45

of course you may.

But...you fancy someone else! Focus woman!Smile

cerealqueen · 09/10/2011 21:47

OP, ask your friend to do what mine did, she emailed guy, general chit chat email then said PS - I think you and Cerealqueen would get on well together, why don't you ask her out?
He'd never have done it without that encouragement.

SingleMan25b · 09/10/2011 22:00

I also think you just need to ask him out - there's no need for a letter of introduction or any detailed plan.

Original poster
cantstandthenoise · 09/10/2011 22:03

I still can't believe all the men think I should ask him out, my experience is that men like to do the chasing and the outcome if he does say no will be that he is too embarrassed to talk to me again! Much as I don't like that, that seems to be how it works.

OP posts:
PigletJohn · 09/10/2011 22:07

nope.

What it is, it's hard for you to ask him out because he might say no

What it is, it's hard for him to ask you out because you might say no

Life is hard. Didn't you know?

Pan · 09/10/2011 22:11

Nope.

Yep.

Nope.

PJ is correct.

A refusal, which I doubt would happen, doesn't mean the sky will fall in. A 'yes please!' could be life -changing.

Original poster
cantstandthenoise · 09/10/2011 22:11

yes of course but it so common for men to ask women out that women are used to it and are used to rejecting men (as horrible as that is). And for a woman it seems mortifying to be the one rejected.

OP posts:
SingleMan25b · 09/10/2011 22:12

Some of us are far to lazy to go chasing - and many men will have been put off by constant put downs - and some will be too shy. Sometimes it's hard to be a man :(

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