I really need some honest advice please.

[uknowme]

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uknowme, two weeks seems a long way away, but hang in there, two weeks will roll around in no time.
At least you have taken the first step in sorting things out one way or the other.
Your relationship did not get into this state of disrepair overnight. Coming to a decision ( one way or the other ) will take a bit of time. DOn't do anyting hasty. A two week wait is really not all that long ( easy for me to say I know) The important thing is you have taken a concrete step forward in resolving things.
Good luck xx

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Hey uknowme, you ok?
I think there normally is a long wait to see relate, i am no expert, but have heard this before. One good thing - he has agreed to see some-one, a lot of men wouldn't do that.
But one thing worries me, has he apologised yet? I dont remember you saying that he did.

By-the-way, sorry if you thought i had a break-in before. I meant i had to break into my OWN house, having locked my self out.
As del boy would say - you plonker!!!!!!

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How awful this is for you, and I want to say to you just leave, but of course that is not the only way forward, and it doesn't seem to be the way you want to go. You could try to work this out together, if you are both keen to, but it would take both of you!
Problems between people are owned by both of them - although clearly violence is ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE.
You should make this clear to dh, and if you want to give him another chance, he needs to know that there must be no more violence.
Then you can get to the underlying problems of how you relate to each other, and you should take some responsibility yourself here, of course not for the violence, but for the underlying problems in your relationship.
If your dh is not willing to acknowledge a problem, and try to work through it with you then I think it will be very miserable for you and the children to carry on living with him.
Good luck

You see, what worries me is that most men are VERY sorry after something like this. They say they are sorry, they cant believe what they have done etc. So i find it quite worrying that he has shown no remorse.
Saying that - most of these men who apologise so much after, are oh-so nice.......until the next time it happens, so it means nothing anyway.
It just seems to me that he is not facing up to what he has done. He is burying his head in the sand, so to speak.
Until he faces up to it, nothing can or will change imo.

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This is what they do. Try to make you feel like it's not as bad as your making out, it was your fault anyway, you drove them to it.
As time goes on, you probably will start to think that you were maybe over-reacting. I and you know you are not.
Some men do not hit all the time. My Dad could go six months to a year without doing anything. But it always started again.
You know i am here if you ever need me.

NO you are NOT making more of this than it warrants! Don't ever think that!!

uknowme, please believe in yourself and don't take on board his attempts at undermining you. He has not apologised and if he really thinks you are taking this issue out of proportion he really has a lot to learn and sadly no respect for you whatsoever. What you feel is real and valid and you have an absolute right to feel angry and hurt. Is the relate meeting for the two of you? Good luck with that, thinking of you, Winniexx

uknowme, please forgive me because what I am going to say sounds harsh, but it is meant with the best of intentions and I am saying it as a kind of last resort. It seems that the situation is going to have to be repeated before you are going to be able to accept it and do what you have to do. I really hope he doesn't hurt you too much and I hope you don't have to live in this limbo for too long, but I think that this is what it will take, because (understandably) you are still living in the land of self-doubt. I haven't time to read all posts, but you don't say what friends and family around you think, or whether they are helping you ATM.
xxxxx

totally agree droile

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Droile, I was in a violent relationship adn could never have brought myself to tell my parents - I have no other family. Even now its over, I couldn't do it. I told a few friends when drunk, but they just didn't understand what it was like. Uknowme has made a really big first step admitting it on here and recived some incredibly good advice. It really does sound crap to say that you are ashamed, but you are, its not just your body that gets battered, its your confidence.

U,
really sorry to hear whats happened to ds as school, I left ex a year ago so my ds2 was the same age as your ds, its amazing how much they pick upon at that age, I think as much as telling him that you love him and giving him loads and loads of cuddles the person who you need to talk to about this is your h. I hope that your relate appointment comes thru soon. At least now, the teacher will look out fo r ds and give him a bit of extra support and leeway. It may be a blessing that she know.

Ukm - are you okay?

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uknowme, just wanted to say I agree with droile, winnie and batters. Please re-read your most recent post about your conversation with your h and try to imagine it was written by a friend: what would you think and what advice would you give her? Thinking of you.

uknowme and lillibet, I was in a violent relationship too, briefly. The violence began only weeks into the relationship, so it was very different from yours, there were no children involved so I was able to get out of there pronto, (unfortunately, he then turned into a stalker - but that's another story). I have to admit that I hit him back too - not to be recommended, he just hit me even harder. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I understand how how hard it must be to leave when you have children and when you have loved your partner. I find it hard to leave my own ridiculous marriage. But I also firmly believe that the victim is rarely in a fit state to make such decisions and has to be bullied by well-meaning friends. The reluctance to leave is all part of the trap weaved by the low self-esteem brought on by the attacks. uknowme, if I were your flesh&blood buddy instead of your virtual buddy, I would drag you kicking and screaming to a safe house, and your H would be black and blue.

I'm worried about you too.

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