Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I really need some honest advice please.

395 replies

uknowme · 27/10/2003 01:19

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
fio2 · 29/10/2003 17:45

It's also confidential so knowone can tell anyway

fio2 · 29/10/2003 17:46

god is this what happens when I have a drink of wine? knowone...dur!..I meant no-one

uknowme · 29/10/2003 17:47

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
jasper · 29/10/2003 22:08

uknowme, relate ask for a financial contribution if you can afford it , but if you are stoneybroke you can use their services free. That's how it worked when I went (years ago)

(My 4yo son had just got out of bed and asked who I am writing to. I said "a friend who is sad".
He said "why don't you put in a happy face to cheer her up.?
So here it is, from him )

aloha · 29/10/2003 22:14

I know of two people who have been to Relate (or other couples counselling) both couples were separated but got back together because of the counselling. They are both very pro. However, I don't think violence was involved in either case.

Chinchilla · 29/10/2003 22:20

Jasper - that made my heart ache...aren't children lovely sometimes!

mckenzie · 29/10/2003 22:22

uknowme - my then boyfriend, now husband, went to Relate in 1998. He made the first contact and then persuaded me to go. i went to the first meeting, which was a free consulation, under duress but the lady that we saw obviously siad something that appealed to me as I ended up agreeing to participate (DH was going to go without me anyway if I didn't).

I cant remember how often the sessions were, weekly or fortnightly, but we both found them very very useful. I think I can truthfully say that if we hadn't gone we would never have stayed together.

Jasper I think is correct about the fees. I seem to remember that we paid but I remember seeing signs about people on benefits not paying the full rates.

Please call them. We've been married now nearly 4 years and have a lovely son who is 2. We wouldn't have any of that without Relate.

Good luck.

ps. i found a book called 'Too good to leave, too bad to stay' quite helpful also.

uknowme · 29/10/2003 23:56

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 30/10/2003 02:22

uknowme, I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you. Some of this thread is such chilling reading that I'm getting a rush of adrenaline on reading it. I'm so sorry that some of you have had such awful and abusive times. uknowme, no-one's judging you, we're all judging him and there's some great advice here, I hope it's helping.

winnie1 · 30/10/2003 08:19

uknowme, relate today does expect a contribution money wise. They have flat rates and if you are broke they negotiate a contribution. Nothing is recorded although the counsellor will take notes. And it does work. Dh and I had a 'blip' - he was having a bit of a mid life crisis - and it completely put us back on track. We only had a few sessions but it was very useful. As for going to a different area, it is completely confidential and I can only imagine that people know the relate office are relate offices because they work there or have been themselves. No neon sign saying 'marraige failures' or equivalent So please don't worry about that. The biggest problem is the waiting list and frankly you mayhave to push to get seen sooner rather than later which may mean disclosing the violence. HTH Thinking of you, Winniex

jasper · 30/10/2003 08:26

uknowme I have that book Mckenzie mentioned,"too good to leave too bad to stay" around somewhere and am happy to post it to you if you want it .
COntact me in confidence through mumsnet.
Ps ds is going to be delighted with his smiley.

Twinkie · 30/10/2003 08:49

Message withdrawn

doormat · 30/10/2003 09:31

here it is uknowme
love from twinkie

fio2 · 30/10/2003 09:32

doormat you are getting one big show off with those links

Twinkie · 30/10/2003 09:33

Message withdrawn

doormat · 30/10/2003 09:35

Hey it is something I thought I would never learn, go to anyone want to practice links on other subjects and try it,
If I can do it you all can

sis · 30/10/2003 10:57

Doormat, you could have done a helpful link to the thread!

Uknowme, just a quick point on relate, as others have said, it is confidential and fees can be negotiated. The other thing that I found was that I felt completely drained after the first session - I think it was because I had never told anyone other than dh about how I felt. Anyway, the point is to prepare you for the experience and perhaps you could take a large bottle of water in with you as I think that would have helped me.

whatever you decide, I hope you and your children have a happy life.

doormat · 30/10/2003 11:03

here is the website for relate

thanx for pointing that out sis

twinkie your fault

uknowme · 30/10/2003 17:45

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
sykes · 30/10/2003 17:47

Don't think he can insist the house is sold. Don't listen to anything like that. Take legal advice. First session is usually free - but make sure it is before committing to it. Failing that, ask questions here and everyone will do their utmost to help. Lots of luck.

LIZS · 30/10/2003 17:57

uknowme

You may be surprised at how much your friends of last night picked up on but they probably won't say anything to you because they would believe that it is part and parcel of your relationship and you accept it as banter, unless they have real reason to believe otherwise. I haven't been through what you have, and therefore don't really feel qualified to offer any advice but good luck.

beetroot · 30/10/2003 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

uknowme · 30/10/2003 18:18

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
beetroot · 30/10/2003 18:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

uknowme · 30/10/2003 18:29

Message withdrawn

OP posts: