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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

One Night Stands - have you ever had one?

84 replies

itsbeentwoyearsffs · 05/10/2011 17:37

I never have, ever.

My situation is such at the moment that I don't want to be in a relationship for the foreseeable future, if ever. I pulled at the weekend but didn't do much and was talking to a mate about it afterwards. She thinks I should have taken advantage of the situation! But there is something in me that can't get over the Respect thing. Its not like I want a relationship with this man but I AM gagging for a shag.

So I just wonder what people really think. Its been two years! Two years ffs, since I had any physical contact with anyone and I could have broken that on Saturday but couldn't go through with it.

Don't know just want some thoughts really, this dating and men thing is so blurry and confusing to me now. I am in my late thirties btw so time is not on my side. I still look pretty good, should I be taking advantage of this and getting some?

How do I separate the love and sex thing? I always fall for blokes and start getting the churny stomach thing the minute I even snog them!

Aaaargghhhhh!!!!!!

OP posts:

rycooler · 06/10/2011 13:15

I'm not into casual sex and could never have 'fuck buddies' > - demeaning for all concerned imo,
so I guess that's why I don't think it's very nice - also, you sound as if you think you're Gods gift to mankind - but nothing wrong in bigging yourself up I suppose.

SnakeOnCrack · 06/10/2011 15:13

I don't see why two consenting adults having fun is demeaning to anyone but everyone has different opinions.

There's no need to be rude to Gay though, they didn't say anything offensive!

akaemmafrost · 06/10/2011 15:49

rycooler can you explain what you think is demeaning about it?

akaemmafrost · 06/10/2011 15:50

Also girlfriend guy had been texting and assures me he is now uncommitted. So watch this space!

GetOrfMo1Land · 06/10/2011 15:54

Rycooler how can you think that gay40 thinks that she is god's gift from her posts?

rycooler · 06/10/2011 16:06

I don't know - but I gave up smoking drinking and chocolate this week so I'm probably hallucinating or something -

SnakeOnCrack · 06/10/2011 16:29

Oo akaemma... swit swoooooooooooo

GetOrfMo1Land · 06/10/2011 16:30

rycooler, what on earth are you trying to do to yourself - all three in one week!

rycooler · 06/10/2011 16:37

Ahh mate, thanks - I'm climbing the fucking walls...

Gay40 · 06/10/2011 19:01

Funnily enough, I'm not God's gift to womankind nor do I think I am. My point was really that some people, after a ONS, are better as friends.
Utterly failing to see how that is bigging myself up.

FabbyChic · 06/10/2011 19:23

I had quite a few in my youth 17 to 19, and then caught up again when I was 35 to 38. I've not had a one night stand now though for 5 years and that was my first in a few years.

For me it's been so long I don't give sex a thought now, I really don't care whether I ever have it again or not.

I like being alone, sharing my space with someone might just be too much now.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 06/10/2011 22:15

Meet up halfway - that's what hotels are for

twizzr · 07/04/2016 20:52

I am not a zombie

MNHQ

PresidentOliviaMumsnet · 07/04/2016 23:44

No, but the thread is.
Thanks

Toomuchinfo1 · 08/04/2016 14:25

I went home with someone years and years ago, after a very drunk night out at a club (a friend of a friend of a friend kinda deal). we had alright sex (although he looked at himself a lot in a mirrored wardrobe). His house was amazing.

in the morning, my walk of shame was worse than any other - as I had to climb out of his bedroom window, down onto a low roof, and then down a ladder! it turns out, he lived with his parents and they would have gone mad if they knew he had brought someone back!!!

come to think of it, he also asked me to put my finger up his bum.

Nothavingfunrightnow · 08/04/2016 15:22

I agree with a PP. Fuck the "Walk of Shame"! It's a Walk of Pride with Added Swag!

Toomuchinfo1 · 08/04/2016 15:34

haha! or 'the limp of pride, as I've lost a shoe somehow'!

Mousefinkle · 08/04/2016 17:55

Yes I've had three. The worst sex I've ever had. They were all useless lovers but also the fact there was little meaning/feeling behind it didn't help. And the next morning is horrendous! I just felt cheap and nasty TBH. I'd spoken to all of them for a while online beforehand btw, it wasn't a case of a random person in a bar so it was an arranged date that lead to sex... I don't believe in regrets but those three experiences would be regrettable offences if I did . No feelings attached at all... I have to see one of them occasionally now because he's a barista in my favourite coffee shop but meh, whatever, indifferent.

SuperFlyHigh · 08/04/2016 18:55

I went through a phase of having a string of them in my mid to late twenties when I went clubbing. After the odd will he or won't he call me (I had 2 shortish relationships from this time) I ended up embracing the 'I don't give a fuck just enjoy it' which strangely did wonders for my self esteem.

However my coupled up friends weren't overly impressed and tried to get me to settle down with a few prospects.

As I didn't want a relationship it was good at the time.

It did make me a bit cold towards men and I spent 18 months in a relationship at 29 with a very unsuitable man whom if I'd got to know better friends and all that maybe that could've been avoided.

A few friends of mine did it too.

Always be safe, be wary of drink/drugs/stds so use condoms. I stupidly didn't and ended up with chlamydia.

If I could look back on that time I really could slap myself for being unwise... But handled in the right way there's nothing whatsoever wrong with it.

SuperFlyHigh · 08/04/2016 19:00

Oh I had away and home 'fun'. Make sure if you can that you bring clean pair of knickers, fold up toothbrush and travel makeup wipes. Nothing worse than feeling and looking awful. If you stay over and get offered a shower and brekkie then embrace it if you're happy! Some men are really nice about it. If there's someone dodgy or dislikable make sure you have money for a fully charged phone, minicab app etc and money.

NickiFury · 08/04/2016 19:10

This is my thread who keeps bumping these zombie threads?

BolshierAryaStark · 08/04/2016 19:25

Ffs, another zombie thread? Must start checking dwte of OP...

19lottie82 · 08/04/2016 21:44

I've had a couple of one night stands pre DH, but they were always with people I knew, rather than just some random I met in a nightclub, or the like.

Like you, if I was going through a bit of a "dry spell" then I used to wish I could do it, but I just didn't have it in me! I have to get to know someone before I fancy them enough to sleep with them.

Waypasttethersend · 08/04/2016 21:50

Zombie thread, truly hope op is getting some 5 years on

BillyDaveysDaughter · 08/04/2016 22:01

Just the one, many, many moons ago in my early 20s. He was the friend of a friend, met him in passing where we were all out clubbing, he was hilarious, beautiful and Irish.

One thing lead to another really, it was fun and very passionate but we both knew it was just a shag - I slipped away as soon as he was asleep, never saw him again.

It's not a problem as long as you don't expect too much.

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