Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

One Night Stands - have you ever had one?

84 replies

itsbeentwoyearsffs · 05/10/2011 17:37

I never have, ever.

My situation is such at the moment that I don't want to be in a relationship for the foreseeable future, if ever. I pulled at the weekend but didn't do much and was talking to a mate about it afterwards. She thinks I should have taken advantage of the situation! But there is something in me that can't get over the Respect thing. Its not like I want a relationship with this man but I AM gagging for a shag.

So I just wonder what people really think. Its been two years! Two years ffs, since I had any physical contact with anyone and I could have broken that on Saturday but couldn't go through with it.

Don't know just want some thoughts really, this dating and men thing is so blurry and confusing to me now. I am in my late thirties btw so time is not on my side. I still look pretty good, should I be taking advantage of this and getting some?

How do I separate the love and sex thing? I always fall for blokes and start getting the churny stomach thing the minute I even snog them!

Aaaargghhhhh!!!!!!

OP posts:

said · 05/10/2011 19:37

Isn't it best to go back to theirs (assuming it's safe, and all that) so you can escape? Easier to leave than tell them to go

ButWhyIsTheGinGone · 05/10/2011 19:40

Said I've always found best to be on home turf. I once trusted the word of a bloke who claimed he lived in the town centre - we walked for AGES and I got more and more uncomfortable, thinking "I have NO CLUE where I am." My fault but it was not fun. Since then I only ever go back to mine. Have had the occasional "lingerer" where I've wanted to turf them out, but on the whole it's better, I reckon.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 05/10/2011 19:48

I seem to remember the effect this possibly attached guy had on you last Saturday. Did you post on the subject? In any event, seems he got your juices flowing so he was good for you in that respect.

The anonymity of a big city lends itself perfectly to affairs of a transient nature; if you live in nosy small town, you may be best advised to look elsewhere for someone who has the wit and warmth to laugh you into the sack for a no strings one-nighter.

Think of it as 'have needs, will travel'

akaemmafrost · 05/10/2011 19:50

Yes I did post about him somewhere, can't remember which thread. He was lovely actually and I wish now I had just gone ahead and done it!

Gay40 · 05/10/2011 19:53

I have developed feelings afterwards, but not of the relationship sort. More like "Yes, you are funny and nice, and worth keeping around but not for a relationship."

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 05/10/2011 19:58

O well, what's undone can't be done now until you bump into him again
but there'll be other opportunities for sure.

BTW re 'the Respect thing', there's absolutely no reason or need for you to disrespect yourself simply because one-nighters or casual liaisons suit your needs/current lifestyle. Honesty builds self-respect - go get busy and build yourself an indestructible wall.

Selks · 05/10/2011 20:09

Yes, a few, mainly when younger. Safe sex always practised.
And there's no need to do the 'morning after' thing.....just kick 'em out / go home after the shag!

rycooler · 05/10/2011 20:19

Gay40 - that's not very nice is it...

TheGoldRoad · 05/10/2011 20:22

Yep I have, when I was 18. It's where my ds1 came from. Never even knew the guys second name, never ever saw him again :-s

AngryFeet · 05/10/2011 20:24

God yes I had loads when I was younger - most of my sexual experiences in fact :( I was very insecure and desperate for affection (which I never got at home). Felt a bit shit after every encounter though. Not worth it unless you just see sex as fun and nothing more out of a relationship.

PointyBlackHat · 05/10/2011 21:17

Did it once, it morphed into a 'friends with benefits' scenario that worked really well for both of us - we'd just call each other and ask if we were up for it, if the answer was no that was fine. No awkward mornings, breakfast was part of the deal.

It ended when he met someone, he told me, the benefits ended but we are still friends. It can be really good.

alittlebitresignedtoitall · 05/10/2011 22:39

Togetherwehaveitall, I am laughing so much at your fart story. I've done it too though - not on purpose but one slipped out. I stopped dead in my tracks which just drew attention to what I'd done. The fella, he was a gent. He laughed and said that he wanted to experience everything with me so if I needed to do it again, he saw it that I was at least relaxed. Don't know about that, my bottom was obviously way too relaxed!

I've had several One Nighters. It suits me as I don't want to live like a nun and I did for over 8 years. Agree that if you find someone that is easy company and fun, all will be fine. I've had a couple of awkward exits but on the whole, I've been lucky to find nice blokes. Go for it. Just take care of your safety - that's my best tip.

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 05/10/2011 22:44

I had several in the past.

And then what I thought was going to be one, but 7 years later he is still here

WibblyBibble · 05/10/2011 23:11

Yes.

AnyFucker · 05/10/2011 23:15

Yeah...not for many years though

< fond memories >

stayfornoone · 05/10/2011 23:16

I have done the stroll of success, a good few times. Nothing I am ashamed of! Sex is a need as much as anything else and as long as its safe sex then I dont have a problem with it.

TheSecondComing · 05/10/2011 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Positivechanges · 05/10/2011 23:55

I'd be too scared about the obvious risks of one night stands. Is there a male friend you would be able to have as a friend with benefits who you trust? Alternatively there's always the rabbit?!

solidgoldbrass · 06/10/2011 00:10

I've had loads. Some were fab, some were ok-ish, some not thrilling, but none were disastrous. I prefer away fixtures to home fixtures as I am a complete slob and the odds are that the bloke will have cleaner sheets than I do. My tips are:
Always carry condoms
ALways carry cab fare and a cab number, or if you are skint, a local bus map.
Always carry a map. I remember once waking up, er, somewhere, and ringing my then-flatmate in a flap because I didn't know where I was. She gave me the useful tip of having a quick look round for any letters that might have the address/postcode on and then looking it up in the A-Z.

Casual sex is actually pretty good for women. It helps you tell the difference between a good shag and a bad one, and it also gives you the confidence to tell inadequate men to fuck off.

stayfornoone · 06/10/2011 00:14

I remember leaving a house once, on the stroll of success, hung over to shit with no clue where I was. I wish I had a map then, took me four hours to reach somewhere I remotely recognised! ahhh memories

Gay40 · 06/10/2011 01:24

I can't see what's not very nice about it, tbh rycooler

NotADudeExactly · 06/10/2011 01:53

A couple.

I've never taken to the awkward morning after thing. Also #2 voiced some pretty weird opinions, which made me feel really paranoid about having sex with people I know nothing about. I simply don't do certain types. :o

The sex without love/romance thing has never bothered me. I've had FWBs and loved it.

Coming to think of it, I guess I just need to like the guy. Wouldn't ever have sex with anyone again unless I'd also be happy to see them socially, basically (even if this never happened subsequently).

billysolloxx · 06/10/2011 01:59

mona not the only car you've been in the back of eh

togetherwehaveitall · 06/10/2011 02:10

It had been so long, and the fart took place towards the end. The kissing and cuddling was FAR better than the really short sex tbh!

M0naLisa · 06/10/2011 02:15

Yes but darling we were shag buddies back then ;) and 6years i you cant get rid of me now

Flip

1 2 3 4