should i let him know i know he's still seeing OW?

[abyssy]

Hi all. My partner is still seeing OW even though we had agreed recently this would stop. I know this. It isn't just a feeling. I'm very worried about bring it all upo again because he has threatened me with leaving me with DS and I do need him. I can't sleep. It's even worse when I can't sleep because he's there beside me totally ignoring me and even mutter things in his sleep as though he's dreaming of her

Nobody needs that kind of shit in their life.

I agree with AF that sometimes you cant help some people.

OP
The man you love doesnt exist. Your husband isnt that man you want him to be, that man is a fantasy or perhaps an act he put on when you were first together. What you have now, that is the real man. Do you love him?

You can't help people until they are ready to be helped

I now think the OP wasn't real

but for the lurkers...

you have to acknowledge there is a problem before you are open to change

until then, you may as well put up and shut up

But AF, playing devils advocate, perhaps posting saying you are unhappy, describing what makes you unhappy and defending it is the first step. Seeing people say that it is unreasonable and that you shouldnt be defending it can often be the first part of someone acknowledging the problem. An abusive relationship can skew your view of whats normal so you do wonder if it is your own fault.

But I do agree that unless the person agrees there is a problem, you cant do anything to help them. Like alcoholics who refuse to accept they have a drinking problem.

Bogey, I agree

Which is why I never play along with the defensivenes and rationalisations

The message goes in at some level

If not for the OP, certainly for the lurkers, whom are legion