should i let him know i know he's still seeing OW?

[abyssy]

Hi all. My partner is still seeing OW even though we had agreed recently this would stop. I know this. It isn't just a feeling. I'm very worried about bring it all upo again because he has threatened me with leaving me with DS and I do need him. I can't sleep. It's even worse when I can't sleep because he's there beside me totally ignoring me and even mutter things in his sleep as though he's dreaming of her

No, a cheating lying pig of a dad isn't good for any child.

There are more important things than the odd bounce on the knee or telling a bedtime story... Mind you, you only tend to realise that when you suddenly see that your teenage son has no respect for you, cheats on his own girlfriends, talks to you like shit, has no respect for your home or his own family... has turned into a cheating lying pig just like his dad, in other words...

Show a better example to your child and demonstrate that if you treat people like the crap on your shoe, there are consequences. Show him that love means respect and caring for others' feelings. Show your pig of an H the door.

I bet if you call his bluff and tell him to leave he will suddenly become more reluctant. There is obviously something in it for him to stay rather than move in with this other woman.

You are spending all your time and energy worrying about this and it would be better spent planning for the future and spending time with your son.

I think in a funny way you are giving him the rationale for his behaviour, ie he can justify it to himself as he believes that you would be in pieces and not cope without him so he allows himself to have the best of both worlds and believing he is also doing the best thing by you. This is so obviously not the case from your point of view that he needs to know.

Well, if you really want him to stay at least don't sleep with him, get him another room and treat him as a housemate rather than a lover (he isn't a DH to you anyway). Advise him tt as he is seeing another woman, that if the opportunity arises that you will also start seeing other men. If he belittles that idea, just tell him, that he has managed to find someone to sleep with him and that you are sure that it is entirely feasible.

This man is cheating on you! And your allowing him?

Pack his bags and kick the fucker out!

biddysmama i'm from the uk yes.

I would like time before sperate. We've done that beofere. I'm not always strong and I argue with him a lot. He can be brilliant, he can be a pig. We bicker a lot. I want him to be around for DS.

abyssy but if you split, if you leave him, he can still be very much a part of DS's life, and maybe it will even be more positive that way. He just won't have the control over you that he currently has, the ability to reduce you to accepting being treated this way.

It does not have to be this way. I know of a few great dads, who were terrible husbands to their partners, and a woman the same, fab mother, not a great wife. They are better able to be a parent when not with that partner they hurt constantly.

Pavlov's hit the nail on the head. You argue a lot, you bicker a lot. If you mean 'a lot' then that's not healthy for ds.

If your OH truly is a good dad then he will still be around for ds. At what point does it become an option? When ds knows that his dad sleeps around with other women? When you see your ds treating his own wife and child that way? Will you then still feel your OH is a good dad?

He can still be a part of ds's life - it's just that you can remove him from yours if you want to.

Until you want to then I don't think there's much that any of us can say or do to help.

That's not meant to be as harsh as it probably sounds. I've been where you're standing now and the view is scary. But I'm telling you now - jump. It really is the best thing you could do.

first - are you for fucking real??

second - just incase you are, kick him out, he can still be a parent if he doesnt live with the child
my boys have a good relationship with their dad and we have been split for 11 years
there is no way in the world i would be living/sharing a bed with someone that sleeps with other women, if you get an infection from this will you still be saying ''i need him'' ?? hmmm i dont bloody think so

How will you cope if/when he ups and leaves you for the next OW, or the one after that or the one after that?

He may only be threatening you now but he will walk. One day when he meets the right one or when he has used up every last piece of you and there is nothing left to give. He will leave and move onto a better opportunity for himself.

Stay, put up and shut up until you are a shadow of yourself and he goes anyway or make him leave now which will be hard but you will survive and move onto better things.

(whispers to herself: don't let me cry). Am trying to do what's best. I want him to love me. But I do argue with him. I make his life hell at times. No, he should't have an OW. But he does. His mates at work urge him to stay with me. Butboth long in tooth I wanna cry now

My ex was a cheater. He isn't in my life, but is a very solid and stable part of the lives of our kids.

It is doable, even when you feel as though you need him. Truthfully. Even now I miss him, but I don't miss the lying awake, the self-doubt and the mental contortionism I used to live with.

You can't control what he does, OP, you can only control what you do. You can't make him love you and you can't make him respect you. The ball's in your court. If he really does love your child as you say he does, then he'll stll want to be in their life. It might be the only honest relationship he has.

You're just thinking of the short term "missing him" stage which is natural however horrible someone has been to you. Think long term and of all the possibilites which are out there. You definitley don't need someone like that.

You do not need a man like this in your life, you only think you do.

Do you honestly think he is going to change??
He's cheated before, he's cheating now and will continue to do so as long as you let him.
I think he's made it quite clear he isn't going to change regardless of how hurt you are.

Think of how you are feeling right now, Do you want to feel like that all the time that you are with him??
You dont think this will impact on your son?? Your Ds will be picking up on your emotions and a whole lot besides.

As others have said your DS will probably have a better relationship with both of you if you are seperated.
You will work out what to do in your own time but seriously this cannot continue for your sake and for your DS's emotional well being.

I think you know that anyway but you need to stay strong and build up the courage to do what is right. There is lots of help out there. You really do not need to stay.

I think I'm doing the best for the kid now. We've split up and got back so many times now I've lost count. We just argued about the stupidest things sometimes. He's a heel. I can't stop loving him though. It's difficult to accept even wen we get on that he will be there. And then he met OW when we sperated b4 n I guess he's never ditched her/her ditched him altogether. It's bad. No longer 20 something so hope flies...doesn't even begin to form at my age. Sucks. But he's good for the babe and I can't just let him go

Basically he is threatening to leave if you mention the OW. That isn't on is it? What a bully. I have two DC's and am alone in the week, I cope, you'll find everyone will rally around.

I don't think you're doing this for your child, OP, you're doing this for YOU, you want him and you mean to do whatever you can to hold on to him. It won't work but good luck to you.

He is a bully. but then i drop hints to friends and relations he's a bully and they why not leave him and i say cos i talk about/moan/bitch more than him and i feel i'm on fast wash & dry. I almost understand him needinmg another shudlder

this unstable and miserable environment will be what shapes your child's future.

What ARE you going to say when your child looks into your eyes and asks why life has to be this hard? why do they have to accept their P shagging anything that moves and they have to put up with it?

My dad left my mum (for OW) when she was early 40s. she lived alone for a while, travelled and did what she wanted to do, and then met the man she has been with for the greater part of 20 years. They are 6 years married.

So why would you not deserve a decent life? why are you a write off already?

Answer is that you DO deserve a life, you are NOT a write off, only all this OW mess, your DP treating you like this has you THINKING you are worthless.

You are not worthless. Far from it.

BUT - if there are no consequences to his betrayal of you, then where is the incentive to treat you with respect, to end his cheating, to live honourably?

In order to win back your life, your respect and your position, you have to be brave, you have to stand up and you have to TELL him to end it or YOU will end YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

He is not going to take you seriously for anything less.

This is actually a WIN/WIN situation. If you end it and he mends his ways and comes back, treats you with respect, kindness and eats shit apologises for -ever-- a while, YOU WIN.

IF he chooses to continue with the betrayal, fuck around with both of you and treat you both like fools, and doesn't come back, you will be free to enjoy a proper life with a decent man.

This dickhead needs telling to zip up his trousers, get himself down the STD clinic for a full once over, grovel like mad to you and behave. OR LEAVE. And remind him that the sooner he leaves the sooner you can get a decent man, so not to fuck around wasting your time wondering which scenario it's going to be.

No, he's saying i'm a ho cos i make a fuss and have too hight expexctations (histerm, not mine

No child/baby should be around the type of relationship you have, they will grow up thinking unhappiness and arguing is acceptable.

My friend had four children when she met her husband she was 36.

Women don't need men for anything not even money, they can be exceptional parents to a child without the need for constant male input.

You are doing your child more harm than good by staying with him. Think of your child here not yourself.

This man does not care for you, he does not love you, you are just a habit, he is only with you for the child not because of how he feels about you.