The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Joins The Foreign Legion In Their Quest For Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse and I have a very abusive relationship with alcohol.

I can't just have one glass of anything, I have to drink until I pass out or run out. Whichever comes first.

This Bus is a place of solace and safety, where drinkers, non-drinkers and those who aren't quite sure can come and post or just sit and 'be'.

No-one will judge you, no-one will think any the less of you because we all have the same thing in common.

Alcohol.

And for those who want to read the journey's so far and the original thread by JWN, the lady who very bravely started these journeys for us, HERE they are.

(PS - the title is just for you notevenamousie)

Morning all,
I am posting happily from the kitchen/ dining room listening to DD "playing" my guitar and singing (equally tunelessly) whilst not really watching cbeebies and clearly not finishing her breakfast and I am just SO grateful to be here, snotty and all, sober, to hear it [hgrin]
Oh, and faire not your suggestion but you inadvertantly inspired me!
Love to all, time to chivvy DD into uniform. Still think ties for 4 year olds is completely crazy.

morning all.

going to try and break the hibernation mode i've been in lately (staying in and stuffing my face mainly) and go out into the world today. have a few things i need to do in town that i've been putting off. just have to try and stay out of pubs which i find hard in town as they're traditionally my rest and recoup spaces before next attack. this town doesn't really have nice anything cafes.

day 20 i think so won't be ruining it. oh and i have parents evening after school so that should keep me on track too.

mouse my love i'll be thinking of you and will keep my phone with me all day - seriously if you get tempted just phone me ok? don't go it alone. i KNOW this day is going to be hard in many ways but i'm thinking of the drinking - i know the few shots of something to numb you and make the painkillers extra woo is your usual strategy for coping with journey pain and i know that for my part i always get pissed at funerals because i don't know how to cope sober and everyone else is drinking and it feels more than justified to need something to take the edge off. please do call if you need me - don't hesitate.

can i just say i am really impressed with how well the newbies have taken to all this - such resolve from some who've just dived straight into not drinking. stick with it.

msgee - how are you today? we're three weeks tomorrow you know - stay strong xx

Send much love to mouse today. Don't be embarassed by your feelings, don't run from your emotions, take comfort from being able to grieve a little alongside others who also knew and loved your friend. xx

Hope others all have a good day.

Thank you all for your lovely thoughts, my dd was rather out of it yesterday on a morphine drip, but everything went OK, and I expect she'll be coming home in a couple of days. Now I've got to get my head down and catch up with everything that I was supposed to do this week, which for some reason all got postponed!

First line should have been "SENDING much love to mouse"

It reads rather like an instruction to all babes! Oops!

Positive well done, I'm definitely up for sober Thursday too :)

Sending lots of love to Mouse today, will be thinking of you.

Really glad it went well for your Dd Venus you must be utterly exhausted.

I'm tired today as Ds2 has a cold so has been up since 4am, feeling very positive about sober Thursday though.

X

Morning everyone.

thank you all for the kind wishes and candle lighting. I am not sure what the current state of play is with friend. I don't want to post lots of detail as I don't want to hijack someone else's grief but at the moment it all looks very complicated and I'm not really clear what is happening. I am not religious but if anyone who is can pray for the least traumatic outcome for the parents. At the moment I can only imagine she is in a living hell. Essentially yesterday labour started at 21-22 weeks and the doctors have gone from pronouncing their worst nightmare to the possibility of a multititude of different nightmares. Sorry to be vague but it is genuinely difficult and I am scared of saying something that is wrong. DH and I are desperately sad for them and for ourselves and everyone who has had to face similar. Its not right that people should go through this.

venus I am glad the op went well, I hope your DD is ok. I can't imagine what you have been going through. This week seems to be the stuff of nightmares.

Mouse lovely lady - please be kind to yourself. I hope that physically the journey isn't too awful and the doctor has given you something to get through it. As saf said, you need to resist the normal pain blocking - one thing I have learnt is that you can't block grief out (and I have tried really fucking hard). I am working this morning and with DD this pm. Call me whenever you want, even if its to cry down the phone for a bit.

saf well done on the get up and get out attitude. Perhaps you are coming out post full moon-ness (I genuinely think I am). I think the full moon has a lot to fucking well answer for at the moment. Stay out of the pub. A coffee in the pub will not work. Channel MIF ... imagine asking him if its a good idea . Or call me. I'll probably direct you to a cake but it will be better than a drink. Can you find the biggest pile of leaves in your town and jump in a lot. that always cheers me up.

noteven your image of DD brought tears to my eyes.

silver ((( ))) thinking of you and your mum x

to everyone else, sorry I am not being very giving at the moment or supportive of the new folks on the bus. I do have cake though. 2 pieces left - lemon drizzle or chocolate?

thanks msgee - i too love leaf kicking - i will actually look for some

take care of yourself - make sure you get some switch off time - as in you're bound to think about your friend but try to get a rest from it too you know x

saf I may well do the same later. I passed some people from the council clearing up the leaves on the posh streets in town today - there were humungous piles of leaves ... just waiting for someone to jump in them!

Morning, ended up having 4 whiskeys and coke at comedian last night, best belly laugh I have had in ages, left as soon as it was over and resisted the temptation to stay and have some more drink.

Hello everyone

Mouse I am thinking of you. And your friend. Hope the physical pain is under control. I can't think of any words that are right. Today must be hell for you.

MsGee I'm so sorry your friends are going through this. It is truly horrific and must be incredibly hard for you too. I know you must be so worried and distressed about what your friends are going through but like swallowedafly said, you really need to get a break from thinking about this. Force yourself to think about something else at some point otherwise you're going to get ill. You need to be saving some of that compassion for yourself too.

Venus thinking of you and your daughter. Hope she recovers quickly.

I am on Day 5 and feeling truly hacked off. Like lots of you have said, I am just hating the fact that so many of us are going through (or have gone through) such a terrible time. It breaks my heart to think of all the pain and grief in this world. It seems like sometimes lovely, wonderful, innocent people are forced to suffer awful tragedies, often again and again, whilst other people just go through life without a care in the world. It goes round and round in my head and I get nowhere. It's just not fair. How childish does that sound? Sometimes I think that drinking is actually quite an appropriate response to life. How else do you forget? I often drank to get 'out of my head', literally. I wish I had faith. In anything really.

Well that's my cheery two-penneth for you. Good luck everyone.

Just having quick read through and realised that I had neglected to send strength and good wishes to Mouse, Venus and MsGee.

All this leaf talk has reminded me of the first ever poem I had to learn by heart,aged 5- managed to track it down on the internet. I could never understand the bit about taking the chairs, as a child - makes much more sense now!

Kicking Up Leaves-by Rose Fyleman
The summer is over,
The trees are all bare,
There is mist in the garden
And frost in the air.
The meadows are empty,
And gathered the sheaves,
But isn't it lovely
Kicking up leaves.

John from the garden
Has taken the chairs,
It's dark in the evening
And cold on the stairs.
Winter is coming
And everyone grieves---
But isn't it lovely
Kicking up leaves.

legal that is lovely and perfectly apt for today xx

DD and I are just about to make shortbread with purple icing. we will bring back aboard.

silly and saf thanks for the thoughts. Luckily I had a work crisis earlier which took my mind off things for a bit...

Afternoon all

I had a little kick through the leaves on my way home from work today. I don't know why anyone bothers sweeping them up really. Just makes it too tempting

Am thinking of trying to make fudge tomorrow evening with dcs. Any suggestions, recipes, tried and tested, family secrets passed down through generations? I thought just plain old vanilla start with.

Tomorrow is face pack Friday (comes round fast doesn't it). I will do mine about 9pm if anyone cares to join me. Mind you, I haven't seen a noticeable difference yet, might try a mud one this time.

Hello Babes

Well, I made it. Dry as a bone but I think I owe that to the valium. I did have half a glass of pink champagne which was 'our drink' whenever we went out, they were serving it at the venue afterwards, so we all stood and raised a glass to a wonderfully brave and kind lady.

I saw the boys, the youngest has no idea what's going on, so very very sad. Her DH mingled and came over to us, took my hand and started to cry. He seemed okay before he got to me, he just kept looking at me and saying how sorry he was.

The service was lovely, absolutely packed church. And now we are home and feeling deflated after the adrenalin has worn off. But we are safe, and together and we have each other.

venus - I'm glad that DD is out of surgery and resting. Please look after yourself still okay? xx

MsGee - what an awful time for you and your friends. It's so very hard to know what to say or even what not to say.

Thank you all for the texts and messages of love and well wishes for today, I don't think I'd have gotten through without them, you all made me smile and stay strong. Well, as strong as I could be.

mouseface thinking of you and your friend.

venus hope that DD feels better, it's amazing how DC's can bounce back from what would put me out of action for days at a time. Again

Trying to keep strong and positive, but this 2nd week has been much harder than the first. But if all you lovely people can do it, there is no reason that I can't, apart from myself putting barriers in the way.

Modre remember to keep it in the day. How long til bedtime now, 5 hours? Stay with it my lovely, we are all here for you x

mouse well done you. That was tough. Now don't go hiding your emotions this evening by having a drink. You will feel exhausted, you will feel emotional, you will feel sad. Allow yourself to grieve - for your friend, for your boys, for other endings in your life. Let it happen, don't run from it.

I spent some lovely time today with a very elderly lady who is planning her own funeral. She wants it filled with joy and happy memories, and she's chosen some fabulous, uplifting music. She spent all afternoon laughing and telling me about all the funny things that have happened to her - it might be the only funeral to include the words "I want my bum pinched by an Italian man"!!

dd is recovering well - sitting in a chair, and texting me with demands for toiletries - she must be feeling better . Visiting time calls. See you later folks.

t'internet keeps kicking me out.
DH and I still not speaking, don't really care.
DD2 in Spain is ill - stomach pains and sickness. just spoke to her on Skype she looks rough. This is when i want to give her a hug and be there for her
host family have been very kind and given her a day off to let her sleep - how kind!
Bedroom painting finished - a dear friend has offered to lend me the money to get a new carpet now while the room is empty, rather than wait for the insurnace pay out. Then I can pay her back when it comes. How kind again!!

Ma what a lovely friend . Well done on finishing the room. Sorry dd is poorly but these things happen, wherever we are. Hopefully, she'll be back to her old self in no time.

Venus good to hear your dd is starting her recovery well.

Mouse well done, you must be exhausted. Try to get a good rest over the next couple of days my lovely.

It's quiet on the bus tonight. How's sober Thursday going babes?

Evening all, a busy day and evening here with house sorting. Am a little uneasy about a few things, but have a lovely happy girl and so much to live for now - the uneasiness will either pass, or I'll learn to live with it. I wish I had my mum to share it with - I can't believe the way it takes months for the unreality to wear off - who else do I talk to about this stuff? Will stop as this is the short version of tonight's grief. It is all so much better sober though, no matter how tough it all gets. Love to all and sorry if that's needy. Mouse - a friend thru AA (my age) lost a very much beloved parent recently (of my mum's "too young" age). We hug, cry, and don't always say much, but much is said iyswim. I expect the same passed between you and your freinds DH. Sleep well lovely. xx

noteven - great name!

Yes, I think you may be right. I'm so sorry that you don't have your mum to talk to about the things you want to share with her.

My mum has MS and many other ailments. She looked after nemo for the first time ever today whilst we went to the funeral. She loved it. She hugged him and he let her pick him up which is a first...... he was so settled there.

Dinner was lovely but now I'm really full!

Anyway, off to bed. I'll be back tomorrow with a load of hugs and loves for those who need them.

venus - thank Jeff that DD is on the mend, sending you and her love and strength.

Night night lovely Babes

Thank you so much for all of your support and kind words, you amaze me.

Sleep well all x x x x x x x x x

Morning. Day 21. Was v nearly day 1 but I resisted. So that's something.

Support and love to those who need it x

likewise msgee. yesterday was bloody hard.

morning all.

Well done to MsGee and sAf