The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Joins The Foreign Legion In Their Quest For Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse and I have a very abusive relationship with alcohol.

I can't just have one glass of anything, I have to drink until I pass out or run out. Whichever comes first.

This Bus is a place of solace and safety, where drinkers, non-drinkers and those who aren't quite sure can come and post or just sit and 'be'.

No-one will judge you, no-one will think any the less of you because we all have the same thing in common.

Alcohol.

And for those who want to read the journey's so far and the original thread by JWN, the lady who very bravely started these journeys for us, HERE they are.

(PS - the title is just for you notevenamousie)

Unusually (i.e. for the first time in 10 years if not 28) I can say I have not had any alcohol in my body for one month.

To be a normal drinker would be favourite, but, for me being a sober alcoholic is way better than being a drunk one.

However, I have insulated myself in an alcohol free environment and only been out socially during the day. Then, it has not been difficult to enjoy soft drinks. I have refused more challenging evening events.

This isolation from the real world has to be overcome.

SO? I think I must conquer my apprehension about attending AA. One month is great but it?s not exactly secure and I want to stay as safe as I can. I realise I will never have a safe or secure relationship with alcohol and it?s all over the place poised and equipped to totally fuck me up. (Been watching Casino Royale with child, James Bond is a total pisshead)

I have just phoned the AA helpline and arranged for someone to phone me about taking me to a meeting on Monday morning. Lovely person on phone. I have spent a month being abstinent, great, but my drinking behaviour is too deep to expect, on my own, to develop a life of sobriety. So I have had to throw away all my disingenuous reasons for not making that call and move forward. Already had call back, butterflies still fluttering. It?s a steps meeting so everyone will have to go back to step 1. That?s fine apparently. Scared but excited.

I am getting so much motivation from reading your posts. Thank you. I?m sorry I?m not giving anything, I don?t have any advice that is fresh or new from that others have already said.

For me, something that has resonance was There are two days in every week which we have no control over----yesterday and tomorrow. Today is the only day we can change.

Feel really apprehensive now I've 'done it' and have someone expecting to meet me. I have spent all but 12 of 46 years living in a 10 mile radius of where I was born. I know I shouldn't mind, but acknowledging / accepting a fatal flaw in public is not my idea of a good time. I know the consequences of not doing this aren't a good time either, but I am vain enough to fear losing face. A self indulgence I can't afford. Hey ho school pick up.

Obrigada

'really don't plan to drink' doesn't sound like a strong resolve, tbh. More like I didn't plan to drink but...

Ideas for ensuring you don't drink include: telling your friends you're not drinking (for the real reason, or antibiotics or diet). Arrive late, leave early. Remember HALT.

For me personally I never found driving an effective not drinking technique. I'd have a drink at the early in the evening to be safe driving later, then not enjoy the rest of the evening and stop off at the off licence on the way home and reward myself.

I feel more like drinking than ever.
My voices are saying 'it's OK, have a last blowout, you are about to be saved in a swooping net of love and acceptance.'
Zap the thin ice.

thinice don't do it honey!! Be strong. ODAAT. Just don't drink today. Reaccess the situation tomorrow

And very very well done for phoning AA!!!

AA doesn't save you, it helps you save yourself!

obrig wise words from helpme it needs to be a firmer decision, so that tonight you have a frim resolution, rather than a wavering one. I also did the driving thing, and used to leave early to head for the offie .

Helpmenow

You are right it doesn't sound like a strong resolve!

Thanks bafanga I think I am safe tonight due to driving commitments. I want to help myself, and take responsibility and only I can do that, but the insidious alcoholic voice is trying to deny it and give me one last reward / cop out for being a big girl. I now have a date on Monday and that is a projection and right now I would like to avoid the whole thing.

thinice you've done so well and you have a real insight into the effects your drinking has had, and the benefits stopping is already having on your life. I can really understand why you're thinking about one last blow out before Monday, but play the movie to the end...

Worse case scenario- some of the 'yets' happen. I don't know what consequences you've avoided so far, but you know that you could have choked, slipped, driven, dropped a child, stepped out in front of a bus, and perhaps that's what'll happen this time.

Even worse case scenario- nothing dreadful happens, and your alcoholic thinking will try and kid you that you can drink safely... that you're not an alcoholic.

I don't envy you either consequence and deserve better- you have already shown a real honesty and resolve.

you deserve better.

Melody well done on sober Tuesday. Are we doing sober Wednesday together too?

if I tell myself I can have a drink then, it might make tonight and tomorrow easier

Are you really thinking you can have 'a drink' or is it more likely to be 'several drinks followed by a hangover'? Try substituting that phrase in your mind to make it more realistic. That's what I do when I'm considering 'a drink'.

If you are thinking about drinking on Friday, that is projecting. Don't even think about Friday until Friday morning. Also, beware of 'rewarding' yourself with a drink, that's the 'alcohol voice' which will try to trip you up on the days you don't want to drink.

thinice you have done massively well . Big day for you on Monday but that's a few days away yet, don't think about it until Monday morning. How do you think you would really feel if you drank after all this time? What would you say to yourself the next morning. I don't know anyone who's ever regretted not drinking the night before.

Obrigada make sure you eat before you go out. Have a plan of what you are going to drink all evening. Perhaps make your first drink a sweet one, cola or orange & lemonade, then switch to lime & soda with ice and lemon. Make a list of all the reasons you don't want to drink and take it with you. Read it in the loo. Take the number of a friend you can call if you feel yourself wavering or have a ready made excuse so that you can leave suddenly if you want to.

Saf I have had open wine in the fridge for over 10 days and it doesn't bother me either. I didn't even think about it going off as I've never kept an open (or closed) bottle that long before.

MsGee let it out. So sorry for your friend and her dh. Shall we light a candle for them?

Putrifyno interesting name. Welcome back to the bus

hi all, stayed sober last night, going to do the same tonight. Just checking in. Sorry some of you lovely ladies are having a bad time at the moment :(

yes lets do a candle night. for all the lost babies (me too btw before ds came along).

could we say 8.30pm? i will be anyway.

haven't stopped eating today.

Candles out. Great idea.

I think that just to have a little quiet moment would be lovely. I have to say that I am super fucked off with The Powers That Be just now. Why? Why take innocent people, babies, children and leave fucking rapists, murderers, paedophiles to live to a ripe old fucking age.

Sorry, I am so worked up. Selfish moan alert but I have had a week + of bad news, my friend loses her battle with cancer and leaves her small sons and loving husband behind, MsGee's poor friend losing her first baby at 20 weeks.

Other friends, venus having to stand by helplessly and watch as her DD's life hangs in the balance.

noteven losing her DM and fighting for her DD....... not so long ago.....

Others who have lost whilst being on the Bus...

It's not on, it's not fair. I am so sick of it. Seeing people I care about in pain.

Enough please.

Enough.

Mouse, I am so sorry to hear about your friend - life can be really s... At times and difficult to understand why so many bad things happen to good people....

I will be thinking of mouse, not even, Venus and McGee and sending lots of positive energy their way.

I saw a friend today who is battling cancer in extremely stressful circumstances (I can't go in to on here) . It isn't fair.

Struggling to resist the urge to pop to telcos to buy wine.... Why can't ribena have the same appeal?!

Good luck everyone with sober Wednesday!

Thanks Positive - I'm just sounding off, frustrated I guess that I can't help.

Sorry about your friend, it's everywhere isn't it.

It is frustrating and it definitely isn't fair.

Its just awful and it seems to be happening more and more frequently.

It's awful feeling so helpless

Have a lovely evening all - I've managed to avoid tesco and stay sober thus far tonight!

Well done Positive

And I don't know that 'it' is more frequently, I think it's that we are all older now, not at school any more, not protected by our parent's any more, we are told the bad news, we are given the truth aren't we? Because we are big enough to deal with it now..................

and it tends to feel more real because we've been through stuff ourselves, so it hits home differently to how it would do to a youngster who'd been sheltered.

anyway.

i have to get this boy to bed - he's turning the whole house upside down looking for a ben10 head that is awol.

Thank you Mouse! How do I make names bold on an iPad?

You're right it is because we're older and now know what's going on - very depressing. I guess all we can do is stay positive and support those going through these awful things as best we can. You read the stats and know the reality but it seems so unjust when it happens to someone close to you.

True also it means more because we've all had experience of it so itnhits home all the more... Good luck with bedtime swallowed!

will light a candle here tonight to guide the lost ones to their new destinations.

Ds has crashed out on the sofa - he is 9 and built like a brick shit house. There is no way I can lift him. Help! if I leave him there he is bound to wake up in the night and have the screaming abdabs. he is a bit OCD about his bed - same covers, same bedtime routine, - and waking up in the front room will freak him out.
Dh not home tonight, thank Feck. We're not speaking anyway so not going to miss any scintillating conversations....he is a TWUNT!!!!

Hi everyone,
I've had a lovely day apart from the lurgy, a good long chat with a lovely mum from school and took DD swimming tonight and we had our tea there too, she was great, we just had a lovely time. The school has a real community feel and despite gossip as I discovered on Sunday, I am making freinds and feel really different about things.

Am shattered (as usual) - the problem with keeping going at normal speed with a bug is that it doesn't half take it out of you.
thinice why wait til Monday for the meeting? Very, very well done for ringing though. And I identify with that voice, and left to our own devices we will start to believe it. A month is huge, and how great to go to your first meeting not hungover, able to take stuff in.
Mouse in case I miss you, I hope tomorrow is a truly appropriate send off for your friend and though very sad is also therapeutic.