The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Joins The Foreign Legion In Their Quest For Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse and I have a very abusive relationship with alcohol.

I can't just have one glass of anything, I have to drink until I pass out or run out. Whichever comes first.

This Bus is a place of solace and safety, where drinkers, non-drinkers and those who aren't quite sure can come and post or just sit and 'be'.

No-one will judge you, no-one will think any the less of you because we all have the same thing in common.

Alcohol.

And for those who want to read the journey's so far and the original thread by JWN, the lady who very bravely started these journeys for us, HERE they are.

(PS - the title is just for you notevenamousie)

Morning all, Venus thinking of you and your daughter today.

Morning again Babes!

Just wanted to be honest, instead of ignoring the elephant!

I drank loads of wine last night, and felt this morning like I am back to square one, and a lost cause. I knew that I had been backsliding in the last couple of months, but had chosen to ignore, or downscale my thoughts, because I wanted to drink again. Constant "well, I'm not as bad as last year, etc, etc", whilst knowing that I was heading to the same place.

But, a pm I had earlier from someone concerned about me has given me hope and strength. Thank you .

I can't believe the love, and support that is always here, on this thread, and I wanted to tell the truth, because you all help me so much.

Much love
xxx

Morning Thurso, you are definitely not a lost cause! Hugs to you :) Take care of yourself today.

oh i'm sorry thurso! but it's done eh? how are you feeling? and how did drinking feel? have you thought about what took you there? is this question time?

msgee - thanks. you're doing great. i'm doing ok too is it day 18? yep full moon overnight so hopefully that'll be the peak of whatever is going on with me and it can start to calm down again after. i have bastard toothache and have realised it may be that my tooth was getting infected that had me feeling so shite - i have weird health shite with history of ME on top of the depression and basically infections knock me for 6 - i feel exhausted, depressed, flu-like before i even get swelling and pain from the infection. weirdo. fingers crossed it's that rather than a plummet into no cause depression.

my dad bless his heart has come to mow the lawns here. he means so well and i am grateful but i hate people being around in the day when it's my time and i'm trying to get on with stuff. not to mention that he has already kicked the dogs water bowl over and flooded the kitchen and traipsed boot prints everywhere ungrateful madam really as if the lawns had to wait for me to do them i'd be living in a jungle.

happy tuesday everyone - may we be sober, sane and satisfied.

Happy Tuesday all!

Loupyloo-When I say fell I made the decision so I suppose I stepped off for the weekend really."

Wise words, now's a good time to put in to place strategies so that next time you don't make that decision.

Morning all. Venus thinking of you and DD. Mouse hope you are being gentle with self this week. Sorry if have not followed everything going on, need to get my pen and paper out, but please all know my good wishes are with you.
Am still pretty self obsessed here I suppose, hopefully with more drink free time under my belt I will look outwards a bit more.
Day 7, have moved forward so far from the terrified me who posted last week. And no drink. Still scoffing loads, but trying to not worry about weight for a bit longer, must be consuming at least 2000 calories less a day anyway, cider v. calorific!
If(when )I make it to day 14, will change my name to Cidrenomore!
Happy no-drink Tuesday to those planning a sober day.

Afternoon Babes

Saf - you're on day 18!! Well done! Fab to read x

MsGee - you too, day 18! Bloody brilliant. And you are welcome. I meant everything I said to you x

Thurso - well done for being honest with yourself, saying it out loud, putting it on here, for all to see, is not an easy task but you did it. You have to go with the flow right now, please don't put any pressure on yourself. You need to take a step back and just let yourself 'be' for a while. Just do what you have to to get through this phase in your life.

We're still all here for you no matter what okay? No matter what. xx

venus - You are in my thoughts and have been all night. I hope that you are looking after yourself. Of course you're not but please, try and eat something and stay hydrated. You know what hospitals are like so plenty of water and soft drinks please. Send you and DD love xx

Loopy - he's okay, not great today. I was going to leave him with the respite nurse but we were up for most of the night. He has an awful thick green gunk coming out of his nose. Poor poppet. It's endless currently!

So I'm super tired but not hungover.

DAY 20!!! And I will not be drinking today.

Oh, and I am so glad that the full moon is going to be done and dusted tomorrow, I have a kind of build up of weird energy that I need to get rid of, kind of restless and fidgety

Mouse you are absolutely right, about me.

I was (and am, really) so upset with the Dc's gone, that in the past few weeks, I have taken on more work, thrown myself into studying, been swimming, booked theatre tickets, etc, etc. No bad things in themselves, but I think I was covering up with them, rather than doing them because I wanted to.

I do need to breathe in and out calmly for a bit.

Dh just phoned, he was out all last night, and didn't get home until I'd fallen into gone to bed, I told him, and said that I am a bit sick of fooling myself again (don't suppose I was fooling him!), and that I need his help again, he was lovely, as ever, not judgy, or shocked or angry. Just said that he was so glad I had told him.

I need to acknowledge that this is a new phase in my life, one to be lived not drowned. And I am so blessed to have life.xxx

P.S Day 20, you little star xx

Sweetheart, I'm so very pleased to read that post, that you have told your DH how you feel and about your drinking. Maybe, just maybe, he feels it too, the loss of the DC.

Not in the same way as you, not as deeply as you, but I bet it feels odd to him not coming home to them being there?

And he'll be ignoring how he feels because he's a man? Or maybe I've got that wrong. Maybe he's been a bit,softer around you. maybe he knows you are struggling to adapt?

Just take the pressure off yourself. Learn to accept this is how it has to be for a while. Keep breathing. Sitting. Ease yourself gently into this.

Talk. Talk to him and let him in. I know that's hard when most of the time you'd rather bury the way you feel and get on with your day but that is nothing more than self destructive.

Allow yourself to grieve over the change in your life. Please. xx

Sweetheart, I'm so very pleased to read that post, that you have told your DH how you feel and about your drinking. Maybe, just maybe, he feels it too, the loss of the DC.

Not in the same way as you, not as deeply as you, but I bet it feels odd to him not coming home to them being there?

And he'll be ignoring how he feels because he's a man? Or maybe I've got that wrong. Maybe he's been a bit,softer around you. maybe he knows you are struggling to adapt?

Just take the pressure off yourself. Learn to accept this is how it has to be for a while. Keep breathing. Sitting. Ease yourself gently into this.

Talk. Talk to him and let him in. I know that's hard when most of the time you'd rather bury the way you feel and get on with your day but that is nothing more than self destructive.

Allow yourself to grieve over the change in your life. Please. xx

Sorry, double post!

enjoy cake msgee hope you've got some cream on that - gooey frosting on warm cake plus double cream - yum.

hey mouse and saf, there is lots of cake to go around.

No cream, not a fan myself but cake alone is sufficient. I might have another piece once I have finished this piece of work.

Today I am mainly eating cake

I WANT CHOCOLATE CAKE

Hi all
Just popping my head round the door. Just to let you know that I seem to be in control at the moment. For the past few weeks I have abstained during the week and had a few drinks at the weekend. Like "normal drinkers", I suppose.

Now, I've got into the habit, not drinking on a weekday isn't too bad, although I sometimes crave one when I see DH drinking.

I think part of my problem has been getting into bad habits through living with a heavy drinker. I've noticed when I do drink at the weekends, he's perpetually filling my glass up - maybe me drinking makes him feel less isolated. I need to address that. I wish he'd also cut down, but that's another thread really, I suppose.

Haven't had time to keep up with the thread. But hope you are all doing OK.

Newly - your DH's drinking is his problem not yours and that is really hard to accept. For you both I suspect.

Well done on nailing the M - F drinking. Still take you time, one day at a time.

Sounds like you're doing great!

NEWSFLASH - Nemo has just eaten some of my chocolate bar (Cadbury's Whisper bar, of course other chocolate bars are available) and is now covered in it. I'm trying to upload it from my phone but can't find my lead. He's got it all over his new England 2011 Rugby top. Good job they lost then!

He looked so funny, just stood there licking it!

He's got good taste that son of yours Mouse

Welcome to MrsMiniver. Would you like to come back and tell us a little more about yourself and what you want to achieve through not drinking/cutting back.

If you like you can join me and Melody, Thurso, MsGee and anyone else who want to sign up for sober Tuesday today .

Sending love and (((hugs))) to venus. As Mouse says, please try to look after yourself my lovely.

Loopy Lou it's not so bad if you are choosing to drink at weekends, or whatever. You have to try these things to see what's best for you. For some of us it's too hard and easier not to have anything at all. What's important is that you are happy with your own drinking habits and, if not, are trying to change them. Sober Tuesday for you too?

Newly I found the weekday drinking habit fairly easy to kick too. Once you get into new habits I find the cravings ease off a bit. It's not easy but worth sticking to if it seems to work for you. I'm not drinking every weekend either, mostly because of my diet and I've lost 9lb now.

Saf bloody well done on not drinking despite feeling crap. You did well to think that through. Toothache is hideous, especially an infection. Get some antibiotics and strong painkillers as soon as you can. I've had two root fillings recently. Not nice but better than suffering.

Thurso there have been times when I've had a bit of a drink and thought, I won't mention it but it preys on my mind because everyone here is so honest and I feel mean by not being entirely truthful. So I have made myself come here and tell everyone and it's the absolute best thing to do. In fact, those are the times when the support here is invaluable. No judging, just understanding, acceptance and fresh start with a clear conscience.

I need to acknowledge that this is a new phase in my life, one to be lived not drowned - wise words and applicable to lots of us I'm sure.

MsGee keep an eye on horridbabydoll tonight would you, with the full moon looming and halloween just around the corner, I'm getting slightly nervous.

Shit. Thanks Faire forgot about that.

I def need more cake. Picked DD up from nursery and as she has figured out mummy's office is at home she was crying for me telling the staff I was at home. Can't keep up with her brain.

thanks faire

i'm mostly drinking jasmine tea these days - finding something hot and nice to sip on works well with not drinking and with not grazing all evening.

random share - i'm finding the time from after school to bedtime hard work. it's sort of too short to really do anything but too long too. we've already done eating and bath and a bit of tv and it is only 5.30pm and feels like bedtime. any tips gratefully received. i'm so tired in by this time of day lately that i'm just wishing the time away till i can climb into bed.

Funnily enough was thinking about this last night saf in preparation for potentially reducing DD nursery hours so they're like school. I was thinking of walk on way home one night to use up 40 mins or so and maybe doing cards with activities on (drawing, playdoh, fuzzy felts, water play, happy land etc) and letting her pick one each day? Does that sound naff? I alwYs forget how
much stuff we have here to do so thought it would help me.

Could you do tea at a cafe one night a week or a playdate as a treat? Or bake?

sAf my DD is reception age and we've fallen in to this pattern - my wall of tiredness is about 5-6ish too. We do school pick up at 3:30, home abt 3:50, she gets changed and we then do something eg colouring, baking, garden, homework (ugh) though today we went to the library on the way home from school. I cook, she has to entertain herself and set the table, and we eat together abt 5:15-5:30ish. TV 5:50 (Abney and Teal) then DVD or story CD (since they removed C+L and 64 Zoo Lane - Waybuloo is enough to drive me to want to gnaw my own arm off/ end rant) til 6:20 (ish), bath, then our pre-bed stuff which is chapter from story (Owl who was afraid at the dark atm) Bible story, gratitude list/ prayers, lights off about 7:15 but can be a bit either side. And then I try and stay and awake until a grown up bedtime.

loopy did you choose to drink? Or, did it happen despite you not really wanting to?

cidre am so impressed! Are you going to give AA a try?

I have caught DD's cold and am not enjoying it! I think I should get to languish on the settee for 3 days eating ice cream and being waited on like DD did! Sadly on with the job in hand :)

hi can i join...; (
feel like rubbish most of the time and drink to numb problems out. Ive been an alcaholic for the last 3 years. Want to stop now, think ive hit rock bottom. Manged to hide my addiction from all of my family (except my husband).