The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Joins The Foreign Legion In Their Quest For Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse and I have a very abusive relationship with alcohol.

I can't just have one glass of anything, I have to drink until I pass out or run out. Whichever comes first.

This Bus is a place of solace and safety, where drinkers, non-drinkers and those who aren't quite sure can come and post or just sit and 'be'.

No-one will judge you, no-one will think any the less of you because we all have the same thing in common.

Alcohol.

And for those who want to read the journey's so far and the original thread by JWN, the lady who very bravely started these journeys for us, HERE they are.

(PS - the title is just for you notevenamousie)

Morning lovely ones!, just checking in .

Hello and wecome to all new babes.

Venus Sending you my love, I hope DD's tests are ok, have you been able to see her yet? Sorry, if I've missed any of your posts.

Have good mornings everyone. Back later.

xxxxx

morning

faire - yes i am. i've put my dose back up now (did it yesterday) - had been at this dose for a while before then put them down a little and was fine at the lower dose for months but knew i had the higher dose available if i struggled with the turn to winter. i had thought that stopping drinking would improve mood and allow ad's to do their job better but who knows.

i 'think' it's day 17 for me. well into the third week. i suspect this may be the longest i've been without alcohol for a very long time - even when i was pregnant i would have had half a glass of something every week or so. so probably the longest in 20 years or more

first couple of weeks felt great, this third week has not so far. anyone whose been down this road experience anything like this? i don't know if it's connected to the stopping drinking or if it's just seasonal depression kicking in or what.

hope everyone is doing well - i have been reading but can't remember much sorry

Morning!

Little bit of a boing from me as I am not hungover! Just as well as up in night with poorly DD2, as well as my usual insomnia. I will be such a nicer mum without the hangover grumpiness

Modre, well done on resisting the wine! I think I was probably projecting my own weaknesses onto you there...oh but it's on special offer, it would be rude not to, etc etc... I think that's a real test - to be out in the evening and have the opportunity to buy wine at the time when you actually fancy it. Hope you're feeling suitably smug today

Swallowedafly, sorry you are feeling a bit rubbish. I'm afraid I can't advise you on what week 3 sober feels like (I wish!) but it has to be better than week 1 drinking again... Hope you feel better soon.

Venus, hope things calm down for you soon. I have read many months' worth of all your supportive posts, I hope you are looking after yourself now, too. Good luck with everything.

Today I will not be drinking

Venus (( )) hope your DD is ok and the op goes well. Take care of you ok? You always sound incredibly positive and are always there for everyone else, so let us take care of you for a bit?

saf morning, I have been battling a bleurgh feeling for the past day or two. I think its the rapid onset of the cold and the fact that we have gotten past the 'hurrah' phase and its more of a 'harumph, so this is it then'. I remember last year when I stopped drinking for a couple of months I was amazed that the rest of my life didn't just resolve itself too. Until MIF gave me some straight talking . Perhaps around week 3 we realise that its just the same old shit without the alcohol, hangovers, shame, self loathing ... so a bit different then . You know where I am if you need me.

All ok here, bit of a bleurgh feeling. I have also been ignoring feeling a bit sad about the baby again. DH's best friend and one of my close friends both had their 20 week scans last week and looking at the pics on fb was upsetting. DD was asking me if there was a baby in my tummy and when I said no, she said why not. I bit the bullet and told her that its not that easy and mummy probably can't have any more babies. Forms for genetic testing are still being ignored in my drawer. I don't think I can deal with that right now.

On the 'not ignoring grief' front I got my xmas present early! I got a bracelet with a charm for DH, DD, and the baby. We got the same charm for DD and baby, just DD's is in her favourite colour and the baby's is silver. We had planned to do it in December near my due date but randomly went to the town where the shop is on the weekend and decided it felt like the right time then. What could have been a very emotional time wasn't as DD was rushing around the shop, jumping about and giving her input in the choice of charms - which felt kind of right if that makes sense. Due date will now be spent having a spa day I think - so the very opposite of what it could have been.

Mouse hope you are ok. When is your appointment re falls? Please take care of yourself.

Big hello and much strength and love to everyone else x

Morning silly - I love this comment "I'm afraid I can't advise you on what week 3 sober feels like (I wish!) but it has to be better than week 1 drinking again..."

I might write that down for the tough moments.

scoundrel-I'm still on a fairly steep learning curve and don't want to be teaching grannies to suck eggs.

Don't ever feel that your shares have to help anyone but yourself. If it does that's a bonus, but go to the fellowship to help you.

Also if anyone does come up after and say, thanks, that really helped, its unlikely to be for what you thought would be helpful, and if you share with the express purpose of helping others you might miss getting out what you need to.

To return to the example of my three daily shares about work. No-one listening would necessarily have gained any great techniques for dealing with workplace strife, but they might have been reminded of what it feels like to feel unfairly maligned and how its better sometimes to sit on a problem rather than respond hastily.

Another meeting anecdote- when I was barely sober I went to a meeting where the main share was from a woman who's mother had just died. She was raw and grieving; the next share was from a woman who's dog had died. She was also raw and grieving.

I remember being really shocked at her tactlessness and was cringing that someone would point it out. No-one did. It was taken for what it was- both women were sharing about something that had happened that had devastated them and how they were going to make sure it wan't a threat to their sobriety.

Those shares eally helped me because it made me realise that here was a place where I could say what was upsetting me, without that inner voice telling me to think of others. Which isn't to say that as time has passed I don't try and share the positives and the practical tools that AA has given me, but in the early days make it about you!

venus, look after yourself today.

Morning everyone - well done Modre last night, and hello to a fellow cake baker - mine too taste fab but can look a little wobbly, I don't have the patience for proper sugarcraft.
sAf I have noticed that since I stopped I am hugely cyclical - probably was obliterating it before. My tired all the time "woe is me" last week and before was progesterone induced, now I am bouncier and 'high' on natural oestrogen. Hope you get through it, this too will pass you know?
venus how is your DD? Hope you are looking after yourself too.
silly hooray for a bit of boinginess
MsGee that sounds lovely wrt the bracelet, I hope it gives you a lot of joy to wear it. Completely different but I am loving wearing the one of my mum's rings that I have, it feels like she's going with me wherever I go iyswim.

As for meetings silly you don't sound like you'd be judgemental of seeing another school mum at a meeting - what makes you think she would be??

And my own experience of sharing is different to what's been mentioned, and it comes from that feeling of truly deep joy, that I imagine all of us have had here, or in a meeting, or even not related to alcohol but a friend/ family member, when we hear of someone who has been having a terrible time, or has been very sick, is doing better. That, IMO is why newish people should share in a meeting. Others see your recovery often before you do - you're not teaching them anything, you are letting them share that joy. It's another AA cliche, but I do believe it that you should "share your sh* with your sponsor, and your recovery across the table" and that is what the people at my local meetings whose sobriety I respect do - there are people around who still share their crap at meetings but I'm not sure I want what they've got. And occasionally brand new people share, drunk, hungover, despairing, which also helps others, because it reminds them that it really was that bad, and then as the weeks or months go by, it's just so amazing to see those same people getting better. For me, the joy of AA is that it is all about "carrying the message to the alcoholic who still suffers" and if you've been sober for weeks or months you may have a more accessible message to people who are new. AA to me is totally about doing things for others and not myself - I spent years doing things for myself and it only led to chaos and destruction with alcohol. AA has given me so much, and all I have to do is keep passing it on, and it just gets better, so that's why I share my story and my recovery in meetings. It's just my experience of what's been suggested to me but it seems to work.

Hi.

So sorry for posting and then not coming back. I was in a bad way, finding it almost impossible to see a way forward and how I could stop.

I'm feeling SO much more positive today. I don't have a hungover (mainly because yesterday was grim) and I'm not going to have one tomorrow.

I'm not drinking today!

Silly, I've got three children too, who also seem to enjoy arguing etc in the evening. That is my time to reach for the wine and be happy chilled Mummy. Problem is it never lasts longer than about half an hour!

Day 1 for me

Welcome Melody

I agree noteven, and for the newcomer I would advise not to worry about whether their shares help anyone else but to get out what's happening to them.

Morning

MsGee - Not heard anything yet. I was told that the waiting list was far less in the hospital I have been assigned to but that means nothing in the grand scheme of things.

And yes to the spiralling down Saf and MsGee. Day 19 feels as falt as a Witches tit. No boing from this Mouse. Hmmmmmm I need to mind myself I think. Oh and just to top my day of gloom off, my plumbing has finally kicked in on day 3feckin6!

So, snuggles and big warm cardies are the order of the day, comfort food too. Brrrrrrrrrrrr the weather is horrid here.

I'm trying to get hold of my GP and failing. I need to get something for my friends funeral on Thursday plus the car journey. I'd normally have a couple of shots of vodka to see me through a journey but with the funeral on top, I think I'm going to crumble big time.

I've managed to get an appointment for this afternoon with a doc I don't know, wish me luck!

venus - are you okay sweets, I'm worried about you. How is DD? Don't answer if you don't want to. Sending you love and strength xxxxxx

JWN - have a lovely break. You deserve a rest and a bit of YOU time xx

Right, a large hot chocolate and my warmest cardy are calling me. xx

What's the worst thing that will happen if you don't "get something" to get you through the funeral Mouse? You'll feel it? Is that a bad thing? I wondered if I 'needed' something to get through Mum's funeral. (And I know I've picked up since, so this may not be relevant as it's not part of my continuous sobriety). But I managed to stand up and speak. If I'd sobbed through it, it wouldn't have mattered, it really wouldn't. I sobbed through church on Sunday (hadn't realised it's National Hospice Week) and do you know what? I didn't break. Don't know what anyone else thought, and don't care. It's easy to say 'but it's different because...' but is something medically prescribed any different to something in a bottle?

Melody well done for getting through yesterday, I'm guessing it was grim. I hope you get through today ok and come and talk as much as you need to.

Off out to try and sort out our house - so we will have somewhere to move to (just locally though). Hate moving, it's going to end up as 5 times in 3 years by the end of 2012. At least it (should) mean we don't have too much clutter (or is it just all very well travelled!)

Thanks noteven. It was quite grim, but not my worst.

It just felt like I'd wasted the day. It was only me and dh as the kids were away.

What a bloody waste to wake up with a throbbing head and that "what the Hell did I do" feeling. I'm fed up with feeling like that. So now I'm looking forward to feeling pretty in control!

Good luck with sorting the house too, I need to do that at some point! (One step at a time...)

noteven - the thing is, and I appreciate that I didn't actually explain myself well, it's about the level of pain that I experience during long journeys.

I can sit/stand in the same position for around 20 mins and then my pain levels rise. Being in the car and the church is going to be a struggle so I would normally as my GP for a muscle relaxant to complement my pain meds. Alcohol has the same effect. Blurring the edges etc.......... and I know that if my pain is controlled I am less likely to crumble.

I can handle the crying and the emotion of the day, it's the pain that will compound things for me. Massively. And it's not about me so I don't want to be seen as causing a disturbance you know?

If I feel that I am coping with me pain, I will feel better all round.

Good morning everyone, I have had a jolly good sober weekend. Kids been very good apart from DS1 13 attempting to make pitta bread. You can probably guess the rest.
DP made sunday dinner yest as I went horseriding. He ruined potatoes. He irish. They were appalling. Had to have oven chips instead. At least he tried.
My kitchen is the graveyard of good intentions

Day 6 has started oddly, with missed offers of work, and a cancelled future job. Not great, especially since I missed calls because out spending money I should have been saving...however, following advice on here I did get a better fitting bra, which feels much better.
Have stripped DDs beds, and now don't feel I have the energy to remake them, so having a few minutes sit down.
(Was in shop after 10.00 am...magic beer selling allowed time here...and didn't even realise till got home. Other times I have wandered round shop marking time till magic hour)
Feeling less queasy today, but still v tired. (and a bit demoralised over jobs).
Hope everyone has good week.
mouse thinking of you.

liking that in the midst of alcohol support we can slip in a bit of good bra advice.

Hang on in there Cidre I hope you start to feel better soon.
I dont think the miserable weather will be doing much for your energy levels.
Think I also should get a better fitting bra, Looks like I have 4 boobs in this one!

cidre - it's natural to feel deflated after that, give yourself a break and bloody well done on not realising the time!

That is a HUGE step forward! Not clock watching to beer buying o'clock, you should be very proud of yourself

Hugs to you xx

quiet on here today.

about to go and pick up the boy - out into the grey. that little late heatwave was beautiful - back to reality (whoops there goes...) with the wintery skies here.

Afternoon all, as SAF says, very quiet on here. Had a few drinks on Friday night but thankfully didn't overdo it, unlike previous 2 Friday nights.