The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Joins The Foreign Legion In Their Quest For Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse and I have a very abusive relationship with alcohol.

I can't just have one glass of anything, I have to drink until I pass out or run out. Whichever comes first.

This Bus is a place of solace and safety, where drinkers, non-drinkers and those who aren't quite sure can come and post or just sit and 'be'.

No-one will judge you, no-one will think any the less of you because we all have the same thing in common.

Alcohol.

And for those who want to read the journey's so far and the original thread by JWN, the lady who very bravely started these journeys for us, HERE they are.

(PS - the title is just for you notevenamousie)

Thanks everyone. Feels so weird to actually be 'talking' to people whose lives I've followed (just on the forum you understand...) for a while. Feel a bit starstruck

Thanks for the advice. Walk seems to have helped. I have decided to be a v lazy sillymum tonight. Kids are sat watching a film and I am making pasta with, shock horror, a readymade sauce with no extra vegetables!! I just feel like I need to focus my energy on trying not to drink. I had intended on starting the diet today, too, but I think I will listen to MIFLAW's words of wisdom on that one. One thing at a time.

Congratulations on day 16, Mouseface. That is amazing! I have zero hope (realistically) of ever getting that far. So how are you doing it? I'm assuming you're better now (hope so). How have you changed your routine? Have you replaced wine with a different drink or are you doing something different altogether at wine o'clock? Well done however you are doing it. I hope you are feeling suitably pleased with yourself

Bejiggery, I must get some valerian root actually. I have the teabags, which are great, but I should try some other form of it too. The stronger the better!

Scoundrel, thank you for your help, whether it comes from a selfish place or not!!

Instructions, thanks for the encouragement. I hate talking about myself normally. Can't believe I'm telling complete strangers my darkest secrets. Thankfully I don't have any of my favourite tipple in (cava, I'm classy, me!). But there is other stuff, although it doesn't call to me in the same way, thankfully.

Best get on with preparing the dinner (ie pouring sauce on top of pasta)

That's the beauty of the internet though silly , so long as you protect your anonymity (or don't care who knows) then you can really spill your guts on subjects you might find extremely difficult to tackle in RL. It's cathartic

What is valerian root for?

Evening all,

silly I have no idea how you handle 3 children! Serious respect! But I too found bed and bath time the time when I would start drinking, when my drinking first became a problem and out of control. (I wish I'd had your courage to stop then - well done, honestly, for posting here). And now, it's not, and that is partly because then, my DD was 2 ish, and now, she is a couple of months off 5, and I find this stage way less stressful. But there are things that have changed in me and I'll try and pick them out. Are you on your own, or do you have a DH/DP? What are finances like? Any local friends? What's your morning routine like?
The reason I ask this is - could you do bathtime in the morning? (we have done sometimes, when routine allowed, earlier bedtimes means more you time and early get ups so you can have baths), could you divide and conquer? could you have a night a week at soft play? a night a week at a friend's for tea and their kids at yours one night a week (chaos, yes, but companionable chaos!)? If they eat pasta and pesto for days and their 5 a day come from those "juice" containing fruit shoots and chocolate covered raisins, so be it.
I have to get all the alcohol out of the house (I've never seen or tasted cooking sherry but no doubt I would drink it if there was nothing else!), and in the longer term, I have needed AA, and an honest and thorough look at my drinking. I also, still, need a glass/ mug in hand at most times (and have met people with 10 yrs sobriety who are the same) and decaf diet coke remains my drug of choice for that (it'll kill me slowly, right??).

Mouse, sAf and MsGee when you are counting your sobriety (it helps you I think?) you are into weeks, rather than days, how cool is that?!?! My GP told me recently (with a serious look) "I hope you are feeling significantly positive about yourself" - so to you, too, and it is obvious even in your typing so imagine how much it overflows into your lives.

cidre well done getting rid of the mug. I did a similar sort of course thing to Dubs and that gave me the confidence to get rid of my wine glasses (AA never mentioned it!) - I love looking in the cupboard and not seeing them, but also knowing they are nowhere in the house. I am not sure why it's been so big but it has. (And I hope one day that, as I love cooking, the people I have round won't feel they have to protect me from their wine, it might be BYO in more ways than one!!!) Tonight I guess will be tough, if you post continuously here, or read AIBU and post inflammatory comments, or, heck, it doesn't matter, just a minute at a time if you have to!

Warning: this is really needy and may not be helpful in very very very early sobriety, but please help!!!
MIFLAW and others any suggestions on how, a few months into sobriety I stop following the "eat loads" suggestion MIF suggested above? I've gone up a clothes size and a bit since my last drink... it might sound flippant, but actually when I get hungry, I start worrying that I'm going to start craving a drink, and I really don't want my thinking to go there, so I eat. I am at the point where I don't really think about alcohol apart from at meetings, here, talking to other alcoholics, etc, so it's time to lose the weight. My BMI is pushing towards 30. I also don't fit into about half my work clothes and I'm going back to work in a couple of weeks. I am using food as a substitute I think, having given up caffeine, and not buying milk chocolate (or anything with it in), I am using every way around the above to use food to make me feel better - sAf you mentioned this last night (in other words) and it resonated massively with me. Dark chocolate digestives and cheese toasties are my main poisons. And decaf diet coke. Should I stress less?? Sorry to be so needy and so off topic. I feel ashamed though - though I've told bits to my sponsor, I've not spelt it out like this.

Right, off to make tea and ponder lunchboxes for a peer pressure affected DD - love to all, and no, I didn't find a facemask, someone tell me how to be girly enough to at least buy one!!!

How are you doing so far silly? We are going to have bolognaise tonight with sauce out of a jar too. I am catching up on back episodes of Real Housewives of New York. Really know how to live it up on a friday night I do .

Gawd, I love RHofNY. It's my guilty secret Why are those people 'friends'? they are sooooo bitchy!

Food - hmmm, I don't try too hard to watch what I eat tbh. It's more important to me to be sober so if I need to eat, I eat. I don't think I've either gained or lost weight particularly as I think the food only replaces the calories that I was drinking. This could be because I think I'm a reasonable weight for my age with two kids and I have no desire to be extremely skinny. Maybe it would be a good idea to exercise off the extra food rather than cut it out?

I drink a lot of water if I think I'm a bit hungry at the wrong time of day. I heard a while back that a good few people have actually lost the ability to recognise thirst and they mistake it for hunger which in turn leads to obesity as the 'hunger' pangs could have been assuaged with a glass of water and not a supersized big mac.

Silly - tis me, mouse

I really didn't change anything other than my mindset. I sat down on the Sunday night after being blue lighted to A&E on the Thursday night and thought, 'I really don't fancy a drink, I've done 5 whole days with no booze. I actually don't NEED a drink do I?'

It really was as simple as that for me. I just thought enough was enough. Like my body had changed or something, like it really didn't need to have alcohol in it to make it function.

I promise that once you hit day 3/4, and YOU WILL, things will start to get easier.

You will sleep better after day 5, you will taste your food more, smell more, notice more around you, have bundles of energy (The Boing Effect), you will look so much more alert, fresher faced, alive.

I have lost 12lbs (through being ill) and only put 4lb back on since I stopped drinking. No more puffy face, red eyes, broken veins.

There is NO DOWNSIDE to not drinking xx

So - what are you going to do for the next hour Silly? Can I suggest that you name change to something much more positive, that will really help too.

BOING!! quick dash in and out - NOTEVEN!!! my friend absolutly swears by going to weightwatchers - its a proper diet plan (for life, not just for the short term), with proper food that dosent leave you hungry - have a look online and see what you think?

on that note, im off out for dinner! perhaps will waddle back here later!

Checking in Babes xxxx

noteven what do you feel ashamed of? You have no need. You are doing so well and are such an inspiration. Remeber if you want to diet, diets are not about denying yourself or being hungry. Just eat loads of delicious low fat, low carb, low salt foods. There are loads out there. They are really tasty.

A really good, simple tip is to replace all your full fat with low - milk, butter, cheese, sauces, bread, yoghurt even crisps. That will make a difference to start. And walk more, even if you hoover the whole house twice a day

Yes, silly do join us in a spooky namechangefest

Great name Scarey but can I say, I'd have done Scareynuff ignore if I have offended you, sorry

noteven just to echo jwn weight watchers is great. Retrains your brain to eat smaller portion sizes and appreciate what are healthy foods and how unhealthy and fattening some things are.

why are people doing spooky names?

what time is fff?

noteven - grab some honey and some oats and mix together and you have a face pack.

well THE dress arrived. Was it too tight? Could i do the zip up? Try - couldn't even get it on! . Not over my head, not from the bottom up. I know it's shallow in the wider scheme of things, but I am so sad and miserable. I just wanted to look glamorous for once - not a mum, not a wife, not a middle-aged pisshead. i am sending it back.
What's the point of living on veggies and pulses and farting for Britain if I still just look like a fat ugly blob?

dementedma sorry for the tough love but how long have you been doing something about the weight for? you knew it wasn't going to magically work in a few days. you're self sabotaging and throwing your toys out of the pram. sorry.

there's still loads of time left isn't there? both to lose a bit of weight if you still want to and to find an outfit that looks good and you feel comfortable in?

please don't give up and think your efforts have been for nothing x

Hope everyone is doing OK. Thanks again for the advice and support etc. You are all fab. Can't stay on for long tonight unfortunately but just thought I'd say that tonight I will not be drinking! Am sat here with a cup-a-soup. On a Friday night! Mind you I do have to get up at 5 o'clock tomorrow morning so I'm thinking that maybe I'd be being sensible anyway, even if I hadn't hopped on the bus. Would like to think I've turned over a new leaf but I doubt it!

Mouse - your A&E experience sounds terrifying. Sounds like something positive came out of it though? You sound so positive and determined. And healthy! Well done.

Scoundrel - valerian root is used as a mild sedative. It's good for mild anxiety and sleep problems, I think. I use valerian tea at bed-time sometimes and it does help me get to sleep.

Noteven - thanks for all your good ideas regarding managing my little monkeys. I need to have a rethink about our 'routine' (ha!) and make reducing the triggers that lead me to drink a priority, for now anyway. I need to get a few easy meals in and prioritse calmness in the house over anything else I think.

Instructions - it sounds like AA and counselling are really working for you. I have thought about both. I live in too small a place to risk AA unfortunately, but I would like to work out why it is that I am the way I am. I know really but sometimes I would like to properly untangle (good word) everything. I think too much, that's my problem. Oh to be able to switch my mind off...

How do you all keep up with responding to people's posts? Seriously, do you have to resort to a pen and paper to write notes, like me?! Sorry for not saying hello to everyone. Got loads to do before bed tonight.

Hope you are all doing well anyway

Thanks Silly x

Saf - I've changed for Hallowe'en. Sorry if I'm early but I normally bloomin' forget!

Ma - DON'T YOU DARE GIVE UP! You can do this, you really can. How much do you think you have to lose? xx

Why is going to AA a risk? Don't forget the anonymous bit, and that anyone there is going to be there for the same reason as you. Anonymity is taken very seriously in AA, if you happened to bump into another attender in the street, for example, they would not mention it if you were with your kids or a friend. Meetings don't have a massive 'AA MEETING HERE NOW' sign outside. The most they would have is a side plate sized sign hanging on the door handle which is blue with a picture of a circle with a triangle on the inside of it. Unless you go to AA you're highly unlikely to know what it symbolises.

I've sometimes wondered what would happen if I saw (for example) a doctor from my place of work in a meeting (I work in a GP surgery) and I honestly think it wouldn't be a problem. Quite apart from the fact they wouldn't want their anonymity compromised any more that I would, the very fact that I was at a meeting means that I am addressing my problem and not going under the radar as an alcoholic in a sensitive workplace, and I'm sure there are loads of people like that around and about. I've always found fellow AA members to be of the utmost understanding to my situation with alcohol, why wouldn't they? they've been there themselves.

I have to admit that for the first couple of months I did attend meetings that weren't too close to my home. Luckily I live in a big city and I have a choice of 90 (!) meetings a week to pick from, but now that I feel confident about the whole thing I largely attend the meetings that are in my locality. I have actually bumped into a couple of people that I knew before AA and it was far from embarrassing or awkward. If anything it was lovely to see them there and they were very welcoming.

Anyway, I'm not trying to persuade you that you should consider AA as it is patently a very personal decision, but just in case your worries about it were holding you back when you deep down felt that it might be of use to you, I hope the above is of some help

Hi BB's just checking in to say, nearly 9.00 pm and no drinking here. Did throw out mug,glad I did. Am tired, but feel ok physically. Would withdrawal have kicked in by now? I know day 5 usually hard emotionally, but is it likely I will develop physical symptoms now, or even later?
Hope everyone has good night, see you tomorrow.

Time for Bedfordshire here.

Ma - don't give up sweets, keep going xx

Sleep well all, tomorrow is a whole new day!

Night night xxxx

Well done Cidre (and hello, too :)) Day 5's brilliant. Can't get past Day 2 here so I can't answer your question I'm afraid.

Scoundrel - yeah, sorry I should have expanded a little. Although I don't want to blow my cover! Would love to go to AA, I really would. From everything I've heard, I'd definitely give it a go and I think I would get a lot out of it. We live on a very small island though (don't want to say where for obvious reasons) and you really can't go anywhere without knowing someone/everyone. It's not so much the confidentiality aspect that worries me, as in someone I see there might tell people where I've been. It's more the worry that there could well be someone there I know and I don't think I would get as much benefit from the sessions as I would if I was anonymous. I think I would put on an act, pretend I was OK, not drinking as much as I am, or something. Or, most likely, say I was there for a friend . If I went to AA I would like the chance to be honest and open and I couldn't be that if there was someone there I knew. And this place is sooo small it is more than likely. We may be moving again soon though, so I will definitely consider it in a bigger place.

saf you are right. it's just very demoralising.
I have taken comfort from a few comments on ebay about this particular supplier which ALL say sizes are very small. But I'm not kidding myself, I know that I have to keep at it. have sent the dress back and re-ordered in TWO sizes bigger!!!

It's really good to see so many babes doing well..... Raises pom poms and cheers all the babes on

I may not have alcohol issues but I definitely overeat..... Biscuits are a major part of my diet and an open packet is an invitation..... Maybe one day at a time can apply to healthier eating?