Am I abusive?

[amiabusive]

DP has said I am.
I think I am not very nice. Don't know what to do about it. Think maybe I shouldn't have relationships at all, but too late now as I have 2 dcs so at least have to be their mother whatever happens and that is a relationship.

dc1 is 2, dc2 is 5 months. I am shattered, bfing all night and busy all day, you know how it is. DP can be very casual about my time and energy sometimes and I get snappy. I mean he just expects me to do things that most women probably do but I think, for instance, when we are all out, "why are you asking me where the wipes are:? and when I tell you, why can you never find them? Why would it be such a FUCKING DISASTER if I get 5 minutes doing nothing in a cafe? Why do I always have to be arse in the air rummaging for something for you?" anyway as you can see I am angry or something, I don't know, and although I try not to let it out I keep failing.

DP is nice really, relatively, but I feel ... I don't know.

I am being treated for PND but it isn't helping and it is just another thing that can be used to discredit me.

Anyway. When I am feeling self-pitying I think: well I gave birth, my body is obliterated, I am knackered, I am breastfeeding day and night, I am actually pretty fukcing desperate with misery a lot of the time, just back off and cut me some slack, if you can't actually help me could you moan a little less about how I am not sunshine and light. When I am being more self critical I hear what he is saying about my temper and think he is right, I am nasty and mood swingy, but manage to put a bright face on for others, I am being abusive.

Sometimes it seems like either way we have to break up, either because I am abusive or because I am being constantly criticised and accused of abuse while miserable, and that is no way to live.
Sometimes it seems like it would be crazy to break up over a tiny thing like he thinks I am a piece of shit.
Actually I think I am a piece of shit.

Anyway sorry about long post. Just to be concise at the end:

how do you know if you are abusive?
If you are what can you do?

I found one bottle of formula at night-time worked wonders for both of mine. I was determined to breastfeed too. Health visitors don't seem to recommend it, it's usually either breast or bottle, but I found that mixing in one bottle of formula bought me a few hours of really good sleep that made all the difference. Was hopeless at expressing, myself. Milk supply not great and worse from being tired and stressed.

Do it! Go and get some sleep and maybe your H will actually appreciate everything you do.

OP I just read nearly all of this thread and really feel for you.

My dcs are 'grown up' now but a lot of things you have said (bf, tired, etc.) sooo resonated with me. However, I had a brilliant midwife. She told me to put MYSELF first. She said you need to be functioning properly in order to look after your baby. Make sure YOU are fed properly and get as much rest as you can (not easy when you have older dcs I know, I had 4 and bf all of them).

Go for the hotel. Try not to worry about your dd2, she WILL survive a night without you, sometimes you need to 'let you partner in' so to speak, in order that they can help properly, if you keep taking everything on yourself, your partner could feel shut out.

Go for it :)

Abusive nope
crabby shattered and at the end of your tether ; more than likely

Im sure your fella is lovely but he sounds to be a bit handless and is passing all the responsibility over to you , you have been bf for 5 months and probably before that with your oc so a baby has been on your boobies for 2 years . you need a bloody break girlie ,

what about expressing for the baby its ok to do this so he can have his turn get him to pack bags before you go out so HE knows where they are and dont put your arse in the air to find stuff , just dont do it he will have to rummage and find it himself , try and ignore things that irritate you if hes not doing something to your standard just ignore it ,

I hope you feel better soon PND is the pits its an awful illness x