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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Are Men Sex Obsessed?

163 replies

Oldgumbiecat · 30/09/2011 15:32

Common experience tells us that most men certainly are. The unpalatable truth is that for men having sex is pretty much like going to the toilet: an urgent and immediate need that needs to be satisfied quickly, and with any woman who is ready and willing, or who can in turn gain something from it, imaginary or real. Men need to be possessed of real self control to remain monogamous: monogamy is not in the nature of your average man.

So why else do you suppose that the sex industry is in the ascendancy? And that?s to put it mildly. The sex industry generates billions for those smart enough to exploit it. All men are sex addicted to a greater or lesser degree. And anyone who thinks that women are not above taking advantage of them deludes her/himself.

This obsession combined with a tendency for so many men not to grow up emotionally beyond toddlerhood, though, can certainly result in legions of women getting a very raw deal indeed. Particularly when they are preoccupied with the responsibility of raising real children as well as an adult who never grew up. And men, too, are too often preoccupied with the notion that the grass is greener on the other side of the hill: the infatuation with the pretty girl with long legs at the office which they misconstrue as having found true love at last. Once again, it?s nothing more and nothing less than good old lust.

I do not include, of course, the many men who will squeal in protest when they read this, because of course you are all such good little boys really. And if you find these views offensive, then I regret that. But while they may not apply to you, I think it very probable that enough who read this won't readily deny the truth.
OP posts:
BelleDameSansMerci · 03/10/2011 15:11

But, Confidence, the point is that the reasons women often don't do it are cultural not physical. We are "trained" not to.

solidgoldbrass · 03/10/2011 15:13

I think that perhaps the point some of you are missing about cottaging is that it's something done by gay men, and as more people are straight (or at least identified as such) than gay, up until recently it was harder for gay men to find other gay men to have NSA sex with.
As to the risk, men are not socialised to percieve themselves at risk of violent assault in the way women are (despite the fact that men are actually more at risk of violent assault from strangers than women are; women are mostly at risk of violent assault from partners), so they wouldn't think of it as much of a problem.

BelleDameSansMerci · 03/10/2011 15:18

Ah, yes. Good point. Blush

pandorasbox21 · 03/10/2011 15:18

Exactly belle I was quite ahem experienced sluttish in my younger years but I always lied about it, as did all my friends. I think many girls spend a long time cultivating the good girl image but secretly are doing all manner of risky sex.

I think with women though especually nowadays it is dangerous to have casual sex with randoms you dont know, but everyone does it so no one really thinks about it. My friend went alone and met a man who seemed nice, they had chatted dirty and she had seeen pics she travelled to the nearest city alone to meet him for sex and when they were alone he confessed he was on day release from a mental ward after beig sectioned for drug psychosis! It was a lucky escape and he didnt do anything to her but I have a lot of friends who have done similar things but with the net I think people feel like they 'know' someone and dont think about the dangers.

BelleDameSansMerci · 03/10/2011 15:20

Ah, the curse of popularity, Pandora Grin

Malificence · 03/10/2011 15:42

Going back 20-25 years , women were every bit as promiscuous as now , my best friend at 18 was voracious and joined the Navy for a constant supply of men - she must have sex with hundreds , (she even had sex with an airman she met on the bus coming to visit us in Germany once) she is married now but was left infertile via Chlamydia in her 30's , so promiscuity can have a terrible price for women.

Women were also villified for it when the men were not, especially somewhere as insular as a military base abroad, the men could shag around as much as they liked but once a woman got a reputation as the station bike (nice eh? ) , she was usually posted away in disgrace and any single woman in the forces falling pregnant was instantly dismissed, losing her career and place to live in one go, it didn't stop the notorious Wraf -block parties on any of the bases where we lived though.

Risky behaviour like sex with a stranger can never be as straightforward for a woman as a man, as we have the very real risk of falling pregnant, I imagine that is the overwhelming reason for women generally avoiding it.

The risk for women is much, much greater ( not just the physical risk of assault) - that's probably the reason that men are seen to indulge in that kind of sexual behaviour far more, it's simply less hassle for them.

pandorasbox21 · 03/10/2011 15:55

yeah malifience the forces is dirty everyone has had sex with everyone in there especially on dets, the amount of cheating I saw on OOAs was ridiculous. A lot of women when based overseas have sex with tons of men. Its so commonplace women are the odd onesout if they dont do it, used to be group sex, mmf, ffm things in the block all the time and in mqs.

Nowadays dont really think you get the reputation thing as everyone does it so isnt see as a big deal. Also can stay in if you are pregnant or single mum nowadays .

Malificence · 03/10/2011 16:11

It wasn't quite that racy in Germany in the 80's, not for the scaleys at any rate , probably quite different if you were single Shock

The amount of cheating you speak of certainly didn't go on, DH doesn't know of one married man in his trade/circle of friends who cheated on his wife when away on detachment etc.
A single friend of DH used to call round and check on me when DH was away in the 1st gulf war, he was "warned off" by the Station commander , he was told that visiting one of the wives was innapropriate - I was livid , I had an 8 month old baby at the time and DH's mate was just making sure I was ok and looking after DH's car as I didn't drive at the time and it was the depths of the German winter.

AnyFucker · 03/10/2011 16:15

why is it called "cottaging" ?

pandorasbox21 · 03/10/2011 16:19

anyfucker - cottaging was used in the victorian era to refer to a public toilet and homosexual men took over the name in the 60s apparently. just looked it up on wikepedia! well if my husband asks what I did today I can say I learnt something new Grin

AnyFucker · 03/10/2011 16:30

thanks for that
it seems a strange term

I would normally associate the word "cottage" with something twee and wholesome Grin

wamster · 03/10/2011 17:15

Come on now, are you trying to say here that there is nothing wholesome about two men anonymously meeting up in public conveniences for a quick bout of no questions asked hide the sausage? Grin

AnyFucker · 03/10/2011 17:18

but men's public toilets stink of piss

fact

Grin
AnyFucker · 03/10/2011 17:19

and cottages smell of newly-baked bread, the roses around the door and freh coffee

no comparison

oh, and you can shag in cottages too, in the toilet if you so wished

don't these men have homes to go to ? < prim >

carernotasaint · 03/10/2011 17:22

Iremember Scarlet doing a feature on asexuality and asexuals and how difficult it can be when you realise you are in a relationship with one. I have NOT seen any other publication do an article on this before or since. Its a shame the execs ran it into the ground. Ive only seen Filament magazine on its website and the Facebook page. Looks interesting and it looks like an intelligent read.

wamster · 03/10/2011 17:46

'but men's public toilets stink of piss'

Only if you're really lucky, nowadays you're likely to be confronted by the whiff of flowery disinfectant. How can anybody be expected to feel all romantic in conditions like those? Jeez, they even clean the grafitti off the bog walls in some places! Smile No ambience at all.

AnyFucker · 03/10/2011 18:43

I should think that the crudely-done drawings of cock'n'balls on the walls would be a welcome accompaniment Wink

Tyr · 03/10/2011 18:51

Ahem... has anyone noticed that the OP disappeared? Yet another one and this one hasn't even stuck around for long enough to reveal a gender change.......

AnyFucker · 03/10/2011 18:53

Tyr...since when did it matter that the OP posts and runs ? Smile

AnyFucker · 03/10/2011 18:55

if you stick around on these threads for long enough, they usually end up going full circle, everyone is friendly again and daft jokes prevail

'tis the nature of Mn

coolio1 · 03/10/2011 18:56

not all men are sex obsessed lusting aftereverywomen that walks in a skirt there's men who hold down jobs support there familys and can manage to go to work without looking at the long legged women in the office. they can manage to raise children without there partners and can you believe it do a hole heap of other stuff its an old fashioned view. we could say women are sex obsessed and at it at the office works both ways.

wamster · 03/10/2011 18:56

'Ah, I see that you've chosen the cubicle with the cock 'n' balls on the wall and there is no puddle of piss on the floor- you charmer! Really, there's no need to try so hard. I'm not a woman you know' Wink

Tyr · 03/10/2011 18:57

Anyfucker,

It's damned discourteous of him/her/it not to hang around and take a bit of abuse at least.

AnyFucker · 03/10/2011 18:59

it don't matter, Tyr, we can conjure that up between ourselves (I mean the general we btw)

who needs OP, eh ?

superfluous to needs

AnyFucker · 03/10/2011 18:59

I imagine the most stained toilets get the most traffic...