Are Men Sex Obsessed?

[Oldgumbiecat]

Common experience tells us that most men certainly are. The unpalatable truth is that for men having sex is pretty much like going to the toilet: an urgent and immediate need that needs to be satisfied quickly, and with any woman who is ready and willing, or who can in turn gain something from it, imaginary or real. Men need to be possessed of real self control to remain monogamous: monogamy is not in the nature of your average man.

So why else do you suppose that the sex industry is in the ascendancy? And that?s to put it mildly. The sex industry generates billions for those smart enough to exploit it. All men are sex addicted to a greater or lesser degree. And anyone who thinks that women are not above taking advantage of them deludes her/himself.

This obsession combined with a tendency for so many men not to grow up emotionally beyond toddlerhood, though, can certainly result in legions of women getting a very raw deal indeed. Particularly when they are preoccupied with the responsibility of raising real children as well as an adult who never grew up. And men, too, are too often preoccupied with the notion that the grass is greener on the other side of the hill: the infatuation with the pretty girl with long legs at the office which they misconstrue as having found true love at last. Once again, it?s nothing more and nothing less than good old lust.

I do not include, of course, the many men who will squeal in protest when they read this, because of course you are all such good little boys really. And if you find these views offensive, then I regret that. But while they may not apply to you, I think it very probable that enough who read this won't readily deny the truth.

I probably ought to have said 'Published in Foreplay Magazine' but the copyright is still mine. ANd the mag has closed down now so I hardly think they are going to come and whine at me about republishing it here.

Writing about something doesn't make it true.

Men want sex more than women, that's been my experience and the experience of a lot of my friends. And so what? - it doesn't make you a lesser person simply because you're not gagging for it 24/7 - most men aren't, they just want it a bit more than women. It's really not that big a deal.

Do they want sex more than women? Or is it just that the things that turn them on are more available in our society?

I also disagree with the notion that sexual partners should be solely seen as other people as if gender does not matter. Of course sexual partners should be treated with respect and consideration. But I don't personally want sex with 'people' I desire men and it is the fact that they are different to me that makes them so attractive.
It is deep and instinctual and no amount of political correctness can alter that.

Some people are more interested in sex than others. THere are shitloads of threads on here from women whose partners will not have sex with them (and are not having it with someone else either - they are simply not interested). There is also still a lot of social pressure on women to ration sex and not to enjoy it or seek it out for its own sake.

OP your post is misandric. 'toddlers' !! what offensive crap.

Women are just as capable of having disposable sex to scratch an itch as men, possibly just better at hiding it.

Yes wamster they do. In a capitalist society if there was money to be made out of selling sex to women the products/people would be there.
There's just not enough demand from women for our equivalent of lap dancing clubs - and I agree with you, I like sex with men because they're the complete opposite to me - if nothing mattered apart from the act itself, we'd all be happy wanking off every night.

"Men need to be possessed of real self control to remain monogamous" - , errm, no, only men who are not naturally monogamous will need to excercise self control, the same goes for women.

I don't have particularly good self control, (anyone who's seen me with a huge bar of chocolate will testify to that ) yet staying monogamous to one man for the whole of my adult life so far has been perfectly easy and natural, like breathing , because true monogamy, as opposed to just liking the romantic idea of it, is an integral part of me , like being gay or straight - it's what I am and it's what my husband is - it may be fairly unusual but that doesn't make it unlikely or untrue. He is every bit as naturally monogamous as me, possibly even more so.

Sex? Hmmm...I've a vague memory....something about egg whisks, isn't it??

I'm thinking here about porn magazines for straight men and porn magazines for straight women.
The 'milder' sorts like Mayfair for men and their equivalent for women (which would feature naked men).

Given that these magazines are affordable for most people and can be easily hidden away for most (in other words, the majority of people in UK can purchase something similar if they want to), is it not the case that men buy far more of these magazines than women?

If so, does it not support the idea that it is visual cues that turn men on more and that actual personality may not matter to men while it does to women?

All this is generally speaking, of course.

I believe that there is a happy medium between the sexist nonsense spouted in the opening post and the nonsensical idea that women and men are just the same when it comes to sex.

Fabulous post SGB:)

Tbh wamster - I don't think many people buy porn magazines anymore ( I'm suprized they're still going tbh ) - it's all online.

Fair comment, rycooler, times have moved on. But look at strip clubs. Men -unless it is some naff stag night thing- tend to sit there in silence looking at the woman stripping. How many women do that when a man strips?
It's more of a hen night laugh for them than anything, isn't it?

How many women do you know that are in the dirty mac brigade?

jolly good show, sgb

wamster I dont think that anyone is claiming that women and men are just the same when it comes to sex, more that there is as much variation within the genders as there is between them, yet we insist on classifying and stereotyping according to gender when there are several other criteria that are relevant when it comes to sexuality (or any thing else)

Also much of what is held to be innate or biologically determined is really learned or culturally determined.

Interesting post SGB, thanks.

However this: "It would appear to be true that women, more than men, have less tolerance for rubbish sex. Male sexuality can in some men be pretty linear ? find a hole, enter and ejaculate." is pretty much all I was saying. You bury it amid a ton of other factors, but that doesn't make it less true, or relevant.

The problem with your insistence on sexual gender equivalence is that you confuse observation with moral imperative. The simple observation that most men are more open to quick, easy, casual sex than most women are, is in no way the same thing as a moral judgment upon that minority of women who are open to it. Personally I have no problem acknowledging the observation, as a generalisation, while also accepting that people have the right to live their lives how they want, and if a woman wants to sleep with a different man every night and she's happy, good on her. I vigorously and actively fight against attitudes (from BOTH sexes) that judge women for sexual promiscuity.

But you put the cart before the horse. You seem to say "We should get rid of unequal gender-biased judgment of peoples' sexual desires (with which I agree) -and in order to do that, we should ignore the evidence before our eyes that there are widespread general differences between those of men and women (which is silly).

Your thesis simply fails to stack up against reality. Why is it that all over the world, in practically all cultures that we have ever known about, men have sought out multiple partners so much more than women? Why is prostitution known as the "world's oldest profession", and both it and its virtual form - porn - massively more patronised by men than women? Why does the widespread culture of going on the pull every weekend inevitably end up with vast numbers of men seeking to score, most being disappointed, and a much smaller number of women taking their pick while the majority don't bother because they'd rather not just go home with anyone? Why do many swingers clubs have strict restrictions against admitting single men, only allowing men to enter as part of a couple? (while not, as far as I've ever observed, applying any such restriction to single women).

Are all these differences due to culture rather than innate physicality? Quite possibly - I don't think we can ever possibly disentangle the two to know, and I don't personally think it actually matters that much. Culture isn't going to disappear any time soon, although I certainly support attempts to challenge it, allow it evolve and avoid discrimination on the basis of it.

But I don't see the point in denying observation of reality.

Wamster: none thank God - but I don't know any men like that either >

Brilliant post confidence.

confidence, that makes sense to me. I agree.

SGB that was a brilliant post. Are you writing for any other magazines at the present time? I am one of those women that SGB is talking about. I am in a sexless marriage (OHs choice not mine) For ten years he didnt want it. For the past five and a half years he hasnt been able to. I would like to thank SGB for making me see things differently and for supporting me on here recently when i have become very depressed about the situation. Thankyou SGB.

Nobody seemed to mention, that OP talked about a married man leaving wife over a young girl at the office and taking it for 'true love' while OP is calling it lust. So Op was talking in hte contest of partnered men, not single.
confidence so do you apply what you said to men who aer sex deprived, or to any man even non-single and who has access to sex with his partner, even if not very frequently?? wouldn't you say there's a bit of a difference there?
You talked about excepting rubbish sex when none is available, whereas OP seems to say that good sex is available but then man is going after youth and prettiness which surely is a MORE of a quality, not less physically - and also that he attached notions of true love there? it's like beside the point what you aer saying about the sex starved guys that go on the pull at weekends, or partnered in sexless marriage.
Another point - lots of succesful men (especially in intellectual professions, but also business) are BY FAR more obsessed with making money or achievement, than sex!
There aer lots of women who are OBSESSED with sex but feel untoward talking about it to all and sundry. Just because they are obsessed with one guy at a time, or with particular fantasy, or a crush doesn't mean that she's LESS obsessed than a man, as far as all her thoughts aer there and she can't sleep!! what does it matter what the quality of sex is, high or low, the fact remains she's feeling it and fantasising all day, and can move from one crush to another. If anything men aer less stuck on it their thoughts because they can quickly get it out of the system - women's sexuality is much more slow burning and it's hell to switch it off, but the bodily symptoms are not less at all - it's much more of a torrent and is explosive unlike men's.

Confidence, the thing is it's about satisfying sex, which isn't as easy for women to obtain. That doesn't mean women want it any less than men - or that their desire is weaker or less important, but there are incredibly important reasons why women don't jump into bed with strangers as often.

Reasons not to have ONS:

You don't know him, he could be dangerous. Most rapes happen with people you know and there is no way in hell a court would believe you if you went home with a man.

Sex can be hugely disappointing or even painful for women because the man is too drunk or can't even be arsed to try and satisfy her (sadly not uncommon).

Her reputation could be severely damaged if she is seen as a 'slut'.

In general (not all) women are stimulated by the mind of a man as much as his body. This isn't always easy to discern in a pub/club environment.

I have had at least two partners with much lower sex drives than myself. They really just preferred to watch the football/smoke a joint, it left me very frustrated and unhappy. They were once a month guys and perfectly happy with it. This is not an unusual experience among my friends. All men are not a cut out sexual stereotype any more than all women.

This obsession with the difference in sexual practices and behaviours is interesting, but cannot really be studied until we have a world where women have the same cultural/social upbringing, expectations and resources as men, and we are still a long, long way from that. However, where women are increasing their financial status and achieving independence, they are acting a lot more 'like men' sexually. Rich middle aged women fly to Gambia and Jamaica for sex with young black men (I'm not advocating this, just showing that women are perfectly happy to act like men).

I obviously don't mean that an obssessed woman (as described) isn't actually getting any sex - I mean whether she does or not, both.
Generally speaking the world is changing from what it was - evolution, you know, nothing stays static. There are more and more asexual or low-libido men, and in the same time, more very sexually minded women. A lot to do with culture, yes, as women are becoming financially independent, and physically more fit, so much more testorone produced in women's bodies than it used to be.
confidence, you'd amazed at how many men aer not up for it, and I mean with young pretty women even - the male libido is DIRE past 25 nowadays due to stress and bad diet - they aer willing, yes, but not able. Many go to hookers because it's not as embarrasing and they can get a bj for not doing anything in return, rather than trying it with a candidate they are interested in.

turquoise I think we wrote very similar posts, confidence has no clue about women's sexuality just because it's different in what turns them on, and how many are unsatisfied, neither a clue about the low-libido men who are dime a dozen. Just because most women aer not as open about it, he makes assumptions.