Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

advice needed desperately regarding social services

881 replies

wannabestressfree · 28/09/2011 21:10

I am desperate for some advice and wondered if anyone could help......

I have three sons. 14,10 and 7. My oldest is aspergers and ADHD, self harms daily and has had two stays in mental hospitals. On sunday he attacked me with a knife in front of my middle son. He didn't hurt me but obviously it was very scarey. He then absconded {he does this a lot} and eventually the police took him to hospital.

A house officer phoned me in the morning and said he would be requiring inpatient treatment but he is medicating at the moment [he is on a childrens ward} and so they have reversed the decision and say he is fit to return home. He self harms daily and his special education school has told social services they are refusing to have him back. I work full time as a teacher.

I told social services I wouldn't have him in the house......... this is after years of asking for help and they have phoned today and said they will give me respite for a week by placing him in foster care in our old home town. I cannot believe they would do this as this is where he absconds too and drinks and was basically told 'tough'......... no other foster carers would take him due to his mental condition. The social worker insisted I tell my school they were dealing with us {head was super supportive} and said they would be looking at the other children. I am so upset as I just want some help.

He will stop taking his medication when he comes home, attack the other children and roams in and out of the house. We are all exhausted.

So advice please............ do I take him back tomorrow or allow him into foster care that I know is not the right place. I honestly feel like they are emotionally blackmailing me..................

OP posts:
wannabestressfree · 19/03/2012 13:23

They reckon only just but I am waiting for a phone call to find out. What a body blow though :{
I am going to see if they can offer me anything else if so - like no win no fee which I know they do.

OP posts:
izzyizin · 19/03/2012 13:34

I was going to suggest no win no fee but do check what rate of interest they may charge for legal work undertaken on this basis as it could significantly reduce the amount you may receive by way of 'compensation'.

If this is the case, your ball park figure of what is sufficient monetary recompense (not that any sum could adequately compensate for what your ds/you have undergone) will need to be reviewed and increased.

wannabestressfree · 19/03/2012 13:52

Thanks Izzy I will check....... am going to wait for her to call me before I suggest it. It will really annoy me if I get no help.... i don't earn a lot as I was looking after DS and most of my tax credits go on childcare.

They did initially talk about representing DS but I thought it would be better if they represented me.

OP posts:
izzyizin · 19/03/2012 14:03

From what you've said, your ds has legal representation.

Do you consider ds's solicitor to be of the 'shit hot' variety, or could it be that this is ds's perception based what is most probably his sense powerlessness in the face of 'authority' and the fact that he is able to tell instruct someone to do his bidding, as it were?

Just because a solicitor promptly responds to phone calls, sends copies of letters etc, doesn't necessarily make them the best person for the matter in hand.

wannabestressfree · 19/03/2012 14:19

His shit is I imagine slightly luke warm and that's at a push..........
He doesn't 'do' cases against people in that sense as he was my first port of call and refused to recommend anyone.
My DS swings between liking him and thinking he is weird..........

I am happy that Bindmans are the right firm for the job I just think I may need to go on the game have a plan B if I am refused Legal Aid. I know I have to do this.

OP posts:
WetAugust · 19/03/2012 18:17

I was over the Legal Aid threshold when I instructed a solicitor during DS's Statementing process. I found a solicitor who would work for the reduced rate of £80 ph.

I would have thought that, it was your DS rather than you yourself who would bring any future claim for damages caused by the negligence. That's what we did - DS obtained Legal Aid as soon as he was 16, to sue the LA.

The cost of DS's legal representation was met by the losing side so the amount we eventually settled on was net of both sets of legal fees (if that makes sense). We also had to ensure that the DWP did not make a claim on the compensation.

It's a very complex area. Perhaps your DS would be better to have the shit hot lawyer on his team - rather on yours.

ToothbrushThief · 19/03/2012 19:04

I begged and pleaded for help but everyone ignored me. One social worker even came for an hour and then wrote a damning report that I was a pushy parent and that I had unrealistic expectations of my children. That's not true its just they are all boys and need a swift kick up the jacksie gentle persuasion to do anything. I have been demeaned, patronised, ignored, been made to feel like I was blowing things out of proportion and many other things and I wish I had told them all where to go..........

I feel that mental health is woefully ignored and you really need a teenager at breaking point and family similar to get help and even then he is in his sixth hospital in 18 months. I don't know what the answer is but it certainly isn't this............

This is a great heartfelt post and needs the audience of 'professionals' involved in this area. You don't need the publicity/stress but it is criminal that you have had to endure this shit

seaofyou · 19/03/2012 23:26

can ds have a solicitor in own right to fight this?

Under carers law (I know don't say your aving a laugh!) can you reduce your hours for 6 months to get legal aid and also to have some time to deal with this as I don't know how you are working with all this stress? Reduce hours may help you to cope with this awful stressful situation.

izzyizin · 20/03/2012 04:22

As you've discovered, local authorities and other agencies that can loosely be regarded as 'professional' or 'specialist' in the field of child care and welfare can't be trusted to get it right or keep their promises are frequently persuaded by politicial budgetary reasons to cut corners and thus fail to source placements which will provide the best possible outcome for children such as your ds.

When I attempted to give a potted history prior to your initial appointment with Bindmans, I outlined your complaint in law as being in three parts, each distinct but interlinked by virtue of the fact that they have bearing on your ds's past, present, and future care needs.

As I've said, IMO your/your ds's case against SLaM is irrefutable but, given what you've said, there is a much bigger issue than his traumatic stay at, and removal from, the Bethlem and that is why it has been necessary for him to be an inpatient at any mental hospital.

You've said that your ds has been in 48 placements and 6 mental hospiitals and this begs the question of to what extent your local authority's and/or other agencies historic failure to make appropriate provision to meet his needs has contributed to the mental ill-health he has suffered over the past 18 months.

In addition, although his current alleged mental ill-health may require inpatient care and treatment, it is my belief that consideration should be given at this moment in time as to what provision will be made for him on discharge as the outlook will indeed be bleak if he remains within the confines of a mental hospital until he comes of age and beyond.

I would suggest that, if you haven't done so already, you raise the above with your solicitor as it seems to me that the Bethlem is, in effect, the least of the complaints in law for which you should seek redress.

With regard to your ds's useless current legal representation, I would advise you to be guided by Bindmans and I would also suggest that you seek advice as to whether, by virtue of being under section, your ds is considered competent in law to instruct a solicitor or handle any of his own affairs.

It goes without saying that I have every confidence that you will act in your ds's best interests and, to this end, it may be expedient for you as his nearest relative to obtain authorisation from your ds to act for him in respect of appointing a new -shit hot-- lawyer to represent him unless, of course, he is subject to a care or other court order.

wannabestressfree · 20/03/2012 09:00

Izzy Bindmans are dealing with the case in three parts as you suggested and as of now are acting on DS' behalf.

I have just filled out the paperwork with me as his guardian.

OP posts:
wannabestressfree · 20/03/2012 09:10

Toothbrush I am hoping that at some point I may have my say...... just not sure in what forum.For a long time I was convinced they would have my son's death on their hands................. That's how bad things were.

I honestly don't think I will ever get over the stress. It has hospitalised me, given me a twitch..... i sound like a right catch............ and made life unbearable sometimes.

I am lucky that in some ways the school I work for is fairly tolerant. I am considering asking for this friday afternoon off and surprising my DS. He has the hump he has to share a mini stereo at the mo and music is a way he calms down so I was going to take some bits up. Reckon I could do there and back in seven hours.......

OP posts:
WetAugust · 20/03/2012 20:23

Wannabe. Glad to hear that your DS now has shit hot lawyer too.

It's hard to try to stay in work while all this is going on. It did let me take my mind off things for a few hours a day but occasionally I It just seemed surreal.

I hate to say this, but it will change you forever. I'm not the person I was before having to battle for DS to receive the correct treatment and support. Although we out of the tunnel (as you will be one day) I still have PTSD about those very dark times.

Enjoy your other children too. I made the bad mistake of neglecting my other child a bit while all my efforts were focused on DS's problems.

Take care

ToothbrushThief · 20/03/2012 20:32

Wannabe - this thread has really made me think. You should have support from professionals-they should be on your side and not the enemy. This is so wrong.

If i lived near you and could offer practical help (whatever that might be) I would. You sound a hero

MyCatIsAStupidBastard · 20/03/2012 20:47

Wannabe - I just wanted to say that I have followed and watched your thread and been genuinely horrified at the way your DS has been treated.

Izzy is offering you help I wouldn't even begin to be able to provide and I am very pleased on your behalf that that is the case.

I am glad you now have some decent legal representation and I truly hope you get the justice you and your DS deserve.

wannabestressfree · 20/03/2012 21:21

Wet I do try to do fun and normal things with my other sons....... normality has not been our friend for a long time. I was silly enough to think him going into hospital might give us respite but far from it. They have heard unimaginable things bless them.

I do feel lucky to have to support of Izzy and the practical advice. Even if I am slightly worried about the times of her postings ;}

Sometimes I just wish in RL I could chat about things to make sense of it. Either its too emotive [my mum etc] or people get the glazed expression. I am probably becoming a bore........

I am not well today and have the skin of a 14 year old [yeuch] am going to bed to attempt to switch my brain off..........

OP posts:
wannabestressfree · 22/03/2012 19:08

DS not doing well at all. The move has completely unsettled him :{

OP posts:
neversaydie · 22/03/2012 19:19

I am so sorry - you must be so worried. Will you be able to visit him soon?

(I have been lurking since you started this thread, and not really contributing because I am really not competent to advise. But sympathy, I can do.)

MyCatIsAStupidBastard · 22/03/2012 19:41

Oh dear Wannabe. Any chance of the solicitors helping out and getting him moved to somewhere closer to home?

izzyizin · 22/03/2012 19:42

WTF do these professionals expect? Of course your ds is unsettled. They've fucking unsettled him.

It must be awful for him to be in yet another restrictive mental health facility so far away from his family and everything that he's familiar with.

When will you be able to visit him?

wannabestressfree · 22/03/2012 20:24

I will speak to the solicitors tomorrow and get their advice.

I really don't know until they lift the restrictions....... only that they will try and facilitate one for his birthday..........

OP posts:
izzyizin · 22/03/2012 20:45

try and facilitate one for his birthday? Try? Jeez, when I read that my blood pressure went through the roof and yours must be off the fucking scale, honey.

This is not good enough. Your ds is a child. He's been passed around like an unwelcome parcel for the past 18 months and has now been moved some 200 miles away from his home and family through no fault of his own.

He is in a mental health facility for care and treatment - not punishment. Visits from his nearest relative is not a privilege that he must earn - they are his right and the facility has no right to deny you the right to see your son on his 15th birthday.

This nonsense has to stop - call your ds's solicitor in the morning.

seaofyou · 23/03/2012 00:07

agree ixxyizin should be asking solicitor to write to the mental health commisioners. This is going into 'human act' not 'mental health act' restrictions
Wan ds is not in high secure wing after murdering someone!!!
The shoddy treatment is getting worse!
So what are these restrictions? Besides no family contact.

wannabestressfree · 23/03/2012 07:35

He is allowed no visits
I am the only person that can phone him
He is not allowed to go to school as it is off the ward.

He has to be settled and not be nursed in isolation for a length of time to earn the right to do these things.........

OP posts:
seaofyou · 23/03/2012 08:39

so they are not meeting his educational needs? He should have 1:1 teacher at hospital daily?

Is ds severly psychotic or has tried to take his life/kill someone else? If not then their is NO reason they should be treating ds this way but even so will be allowed visitors/calls...unless ds has asked for it himself!

Have you asked why ds has these restrictions? Which part of Section 3 does it come under? Because it does not....they are treating your ds like a prison criminal which is barbaric!

Phone solicitor TODAY as infringing human rights....

I do not know how you are coping...but you and Wet are the strongest mums I have come accross living through this nightmare...what are you doing for yourself to help you stay well as you have other dc to care for too? I advise you seek counselling to help you through this nightmare as otherwise you may end up with PTSD which is an awful disabling condition as a consequence.

Also is their support for your other dc as they will be damaged too if not supported and you can only split yourself into so many parts Wann! This is not going to resolve overnight and you need to start therapy for your whole family...maybe child psychologist can help?

Maryz · 23/03/2012 09:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.