advice needed desperately regarding social services

[wannabestressfree]

I am desperate for some advice and wondered if anyone could help......

I have three sons. 14,10 and 7. My oldest is aspergers and ADHD, self harms daily and has had two stays in mental hospitals. On sunday he attacked me with a knife in front of my middle son. He didn't hurt me but obviously it was very scarey. He then absconded {he does this a lot} and eventually the police took him to hospital.

A house officer phoned me in the morning and said he would be requiring inpatient treatment but he is medicating at the moment [he is on a childrens ward} and so they have reversed the decision and say he is fit to return home. He self harms daily and his special education school has told social services they are refusing to have him back. I work full time as a teacher.

I told social services I wouldn't have him in the house......... this is after years of asking for help and they have phoned today and said they will give me respite for a week by placing him in foster care in our old home town. I cannot believe they would do this as this is where he absconds too and drinks and was basically told 'tough'......... no other foster carers would take him due to his mental condition. The social worker insisted I tell my school they were dealing with us {head was super supportive} and said they would be looking at the other children. I am so upset as I just want some help.

He will stop taking his medication when he comes home, attack the other children and roams in and out of the house. We are all exhausted.

So advice please............ do I take him back tomorrow or allow him into foster care that I know is not the right place. I honestly feel like they are emotionally blackmailing me..................

No I like the unit and the staff are lovely. I was only there the day before for a carers day and left briming with confidence. I KNOW he is in the right place and I tell him that on a daily basis. Part of his problem is his reluctance to believe or acknowledge he has any sort of problem and that is added to the daily dose of hormones and aspergers. He is a complicated character and I am much happier being able to co parent with those who do understand what I am going through.

Thank you for your advice though. I know he is lucky to have a place in a unit and it has taken us years to get him there [and three hospital stays]. I want this to be his last stay so I think the intensive elongated treatment they offer is the best.

I will ask them for an account of what happened but I am sure they will offer anyway. They have kept in contact and are fairly good at doing so. I was just so fearful for him. I think I am going to step back for a couple of days..... Give him some reflection time

He is being reviewed today with a view to him being moved up the country because of the security breach. I feel this is grossly unfair and I will never get to see him............ What a nightmare. Does anyone have any experience of this? I suppose I have no say/right to say no.........

Given that the other absconders are no longer in the unit, this would seem to be something of an over-reaction on the part of the hospital managers.

Your ds has a history of absconding and moving him further away from your home/London is not going to address that issue and it may well serve to exascerbate it.

I woud suggest that your make your views known to his care managers and contact your ds's solciitor as a matter of urgency as any decision to move him so early in his stay at this unit should be appealed.

When your son was admitted to the unit was he, or were you, informed that the penalty for absconding would be for him to be moved further away from his home?

I am a Social Worker that has worked both in Children and Families Teams and Mental Health teams and would suggest you take the respite. Following this you can refuse to have him back and the Local Authority will have to accomodate him under Section 20 of the Children's Act. Your child will then become a looked after child and trust me at this point Social Services will be falling over themselves to get your son back in your care and will help in anyway needed to do this .A Looked after Child meeting will then be held and the mental health team will need to attend and contribute to a plan in getting your son home. It might sound harsh but its the best way to get the support you need. It sounds like your soon needs inpatient treatment in a unit. As a LAC child he will also get personal education meetings where plans are made around his education (and as a lac child they can't just be throw out of a school) so your more likly to get residential schooling or specialist support through this. You need to be clear you want him back but have to put the safety of your other child first. Good luck x

This thread has moved on considerably from wannabestressfree's opening remarks, bubamac, as you will see if you read this and the previous pages.

All the boys are being removed and the unit closed pending changes. I have been informed and DS moves next week. It will only be for a few weeks until all the security issues have been addressed. This is the only unit with a space that can take him so I just have to go with it. They don't believe he is well enough to be downgraded so he can't come closer to home.

He is not happy about moving and visiting will be nigh on impossible but it has to happen apparently. I don't feel me complaining or objecting will lead to a change in mind.............

That's better news that I was expecting you to relay following your post yesterday and I'm relieved to learn that your ds's removal from the unit will be temporary pending an upgrade to security of the building.

Of course you won't be able to influence this management decision but, nevertheless, I would urge you to seek answers to the questions I posed on the previous page and make your ds's solicitor aware of the incident and the outcome.

As I've said, I found it encouraging that your ds made his way back to the unit and the fact that he isn't happy about his impending (hopefully very brief) sojourn elsewhere is further cause for some optimism that he is responding to his treatment regime.

Have you been told where he'll be moved to?

A unit in Birmingham. Unfortunately they now WON't guarantee he will be allowed back and I have a growing unease about it. I have spoken to the local social worker and she is raising it but I feel like time is of the essence. I am going tomorrow but I am not sure where I stand legally. Do they need my permission to move him? Can I object? It will make visiting very difficult and they are now saying he may well settle there. What about his rights to family?

I am annoyed but feel well out of my depth. The unit are saying it has very little to do with them directly and more a edict from on high.......

Have you been in touch with your son's solicitor?

As he's on a Section your parental rights are limited but that doesn't mean that you have to roll over.

It's no consolation to you, but the parents of the other absconders are no doubt also tearing their hair out at the inability of 'the system' to keep their severely conflicted dc in one place for any length of time.

You are absolutely correct in saying that time is of the essence - your ds's solicitor has to be your first port of call and an official complaint may be the next step.

Your MP will most probably hold weekly/monthly surgeries - use google to find out when the next session will be held.

I'll add more to your post later.

your solicitor will know the protocol.
The Consultant has overall responsibility though...can you get appointment with him/her?

A last ditch attempt would be to contact the Mental Health Comisoners.
You can phone MIND or other Mental Health Charities re this problem also though often rare situation.

Heads will role over them absconding and they have to 'review and investigate' absconding in a 'secure' unit! The decision was possibly made at a minister level in House of commons?
What section is ds on btw? 3? or forensic section?

haven't seen this thread for a while wannabe but have been thinking of you and ds . I hope that your solicitor can help with ds's placement

He is detained under section 3 of the Mental Health Act. The consultant was supposed to phone me friday and didn't. I contacted our local social services and they are not happy as they weren't informed so there will be an urgent review monday but I am worried he will spirited away before I can do anything.I am due to speak to his solicitor monday.............

To make matters worse [and sorry if I am repeating myself] he was grabbed as he was on his jaunt. The police are treating this as an attempted abduction and have been to interview him..............

Thank you all for advice. Will keep popping online. Am at my wits end and WAY over my depth............

He also refutes the allegation they all managed to get out in 3 minutes. He alleges he was in his room when it happened, wandered in when he heard the window go and he and another went out too. MUCH longer period of time........

I do feel for the other parents and I know the staff are under pressure as they keep telling me they are and its 'way above their heads' BUT my son is NOT a criminal as the others are. He is the only one on a mental health hold and is 14. The others were 16/17

it's so unfair.

bump for Maryz :}

Just wanted to let you know ive been following this thread from the beginning...Ive never posted before but i have often sat here in tears whilst reading your posts. My son is 7, he has a dx of Aspergers&ADHD. Though these labels do not explain him, he started talking about killing himself at 6. He is aggressive, violent, excluded from school at 5... But i love him unconditionally, i hate his behaviour but nothing will ever stop me loving him. My son has just started an AS school & i really hope this helps but im not holding my breath!! The love you have for your son shines through your posts. Your incrediby strong, look after yourself...Take care.

what is the likelyhood your sons section will be renewed wanabee, I remember this thread and have such support for you. Would s mental health advocte be of any use, considering after 12 months yoiur sons fututure will be in the balances anyway, woul;d it be worth contacting mind to try and get an advocate. I just fear if his care is so uncerttain just now what will happen after the renewal of the section 3, obviously continued treatment and after care should be considered. I would be curiouse to know what the team consider his furure. Im sorry he is going through this now after a period of more positivity in his life.

sorry ment to add especially as he is adimant he is telling the truth a mental health advocate may be able to help him.

Thanks for all the posts.............
Shelly I think if my ds had help at a much earlier age we wouldn't be in this position so take hope from that.
Festi the last meeting I had with his psychiatrist she told me she would be renewing his section until he got a 52 week placement as they have to be sectioned to treat a child in a medium secure. He has already appealed once with the aid of a kick arse solicitor [who ds found himself - typical ds] and advocate and failed.
Maryz the whole unit is closing and the children are being disbanded. I get the impression as does the social worker that this has been ordered as a result of what happened. Two of DS's co inmates are on murder charges and I take it they are not the sort of children who should be out and about. I am going to get confirmation that he needs meduim secure as there are lower units in Kent but the last meeting I had his psych was adament he was not suitable for an open ward. I think he will go, go this week as well. The question is for how long? I am going to ask DS to call his solicitor and get him in there quick.

I would just like to say though I have ALWAYS supported his team and what they do but in some ways the mental health system has not moved on a great deal. I don't get informed of things, his date of birth was wrong on all his paperwork, he has been under a section for five months now and is due to be moved again. Does this mean assessment will start all over again? He is slowly becoming more ostrasised [sp] and I struggle to see how he will ever return to a 'normal' family life.

I am doing better but I miss him regardless of the trouble he caused and sleepless nights. The boys miss him - I threw a wobbler yesterday and my youngest DS saw him for the first time in three months. He is not a criminal nor foaming at the mouth and in a strait jacket. They both were so happy to see each other and played top trumps. I think the balance is wrong but I am aware that my rights like DS's are fairly small.

Thank you for your kind comments and Shelly inbox me if I can be of any help.

Hi again Wannabe

I know you what you mean by feeling out of your depth and not knowing where to turn - That's what I experienced too when DS was being treated.

The link below shows all the CAMHS Tier 4 facilities in the UK. The one your son is at is not the only one in the SE. They should be considering private as well as state maintained facilities and should also be considering the effect of him being so geographically remote from his family - who should play a major part in his rehabilitation.

The crowd he appears to have been confined with seem totally inappropriate 'peers' being older and being confimed under very different circumstances.

We too were in the Catch-22 - they would not discharge until a residential placemnet was available but no one (apart from me ) was actively seeking such a placement. The multi-disciplinary meetings that would have had to take place between CAMHS / LA / SS etc etc etc in order to identify and secure funding for a residential placement were interminable.

I would push for a Tier 4 in the south-east and for them to identify their long-term placement. A chat with your MP (or even the threat of it) may get them to speed things up.

Best wishes