Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can H throw me out?

64 replies

cavemummy · 25/09/2011 20:33

Have namechanged as I don't want any RL friends to see this. After a row on Thursday evening where H made fun of me for planning to make some Christmas presents, as usual, things have totally blown out of proportion. Since then he has slept in the living room, not spoken to me at all and ignored DS (8 mths).

He has just come to me saying that the only thing to do is for us to seperate and that I should move out and find somewhere else to live.

He owns the flat and did so when I met him. No mortgage. We have been married for two years.

Can he do this?

I am on mat leave and would only have the statutory payment to cover everything for DS and I. I don't know where I would go. To my parents I suppose.

For the time being I have said that I am not going anywhere. He's really pushing me to go saying that we would both have to live here during the six months that a divorce would take.

Please help. What on earth do I do?

OP posts:
AKissIsNotAContract · 25/09/2011 20:35

Don't leave. I'm sure if you are married and have a child together he will have to provide for you and your child.

tinkgirl · 25/09/2011 20:38

I don;t think so but make an appt for a Solicitor. You can usually get the first 30 mins free with no obligation.

Original poster
cavemummy · 25/09/2011 20:39

He has just said that he wants 1 hour a week access to DS while its all being decided. I said it would be no problem as we would be living here. He has been divorced before so he knows all about it. He wants to know if I will contest it. I said I didn't know what that meant and that I wanted to look it up (ie speak to a solicitor).

I can't believe that this is ending like this. He says that I never apologise, that I am totally unreasonable and that I verbally attack him for fun. I just can't find the words to argue back.

OP posts:
spacester · 25/09/2011 20:39

If you are married, then you are normally entitled to half the assets of the couple - i.e half the flat. Smetimes that has to be sorted through court though. You are also entitled to maintenance payments if he is the father.

spacester · 25/09/2011 20:41

Oh, and go to a solicitor. Don't let him bully you into not getting your legal dues.

SansaLannister · 25/09/2011 20:44

NO, he cannot throw you out. Don't let him, either. Arse.

ImperialBlether · 25/09/2011 20:47

I wouldn't go anywhere for now.

Do you do those things though? How much of what he says is based in reality?

AKissIsNotAContract · 25/09/2011 20:49

It seems odd that he only wants to see his child for an hour a week.

SirSugar · 25/09/2011 20:51

Stay put, your solicitor should advise you to place an interest in the property via the land registry.

For his sudden descision to 'dispose' of you I'd take him for as much as you can get.

SirSugar · 25/09/2011 20:52

Hate to say this but do you think he has another woman?

OchAyeTheNooPal · 25/09/2011 20:54

he's ignoring his own child and only wants 1 hour a week to spend time with him? So sorry this is happening to you OP, your head must be all over the place.

You are married and as far as I know he cannot throw you out. Get some advice and consider confiding in a friend or family member for support.

CactusRash · 25/09/2011 20:58

Oh yes, sollicitor is the way to go.

The fact you are married means that the starting point of negociation for the split of assets is 50%. Not sure what is the impact of a 2 years marriage and the fact you have an 8 months old will have.

However, the first thing that a court would do is ensure the child has somehwere to live. So I wouldn't move.

Don't get bullied into doing things you aren't sure/don't want to do. Only do things on the advice of your shit hot sollicitor.

He is asking for one hour a week to spend with his child :(:(

Original poster
cavemummy · 25/09/2011 20:58

Obviously I would say this, but I do fess up when I have done something wrong and apologise. I do. He just thinks that there is so much that I should be apologising for. Everything is my fault. I don't really have the words for this right now but he is very difficult to argue with. He makes me feel so small and I clam up. But I am an alright person. My friends think so.

OP posts:
Original poster
cavemummy · 25/09/2011 21:00

I had thought about another woman. But I am not sure when he would have time to see anyone.

OP posts:
CactusRash · 25/09/2011 21:00

cavemummy when a relationship breaks down, a lot of the time both partners are responsible of the state of affairs. So I would let him make you believe you are the only one at fault.

SirSugar · 25/09/2011 21:02

I'm absolutely certain you are an alright person.

What is not alright is his unilateral descision to dispose of his family; stay put.

My guess is there is more to it than meets the eye. His behaviour is disgusting

Original poster
cavemummy · 25/09/2011 21:05

I think so too. He's very clever though and always manages to talk things round to me being the one at fault. He has just tried to make me move into the living room for the night (I'm in the bedroom) but I said that I would sleep in my own bed regardless so he stayed in the living room.

OP posts:
SirSugar · 25/09/2011 21:05

You sound quite together and grounded, concentrate on practicalities at this time. At present he is the enemy, don't give him any information that doesn't benefit you and dig your heals in. Take your time and get plenty of advice.

MaryPoppinsMagic · 25/09/2011 21:06

Something doesn't sound right here op has his decision come out of the blue?

Or have you been at logger heads for some time now?

I think the general consensus is that when married you should not move out of the home when a split occurs (unless violence is an issue of course) as far as I am aware once you move out you cannot make a claim to the property or the belongings inside it as you are seen to of 'left'

You need to see a solicitor, stay put if it is bearable take precautions to get bank statements together copies if needs be so he cannot deny his income in future, also get your's and dc passports and other important things together.

Once you've seen a solicitor get yourself down to your local CAB office and get some help on housing / benefits issues.

Good luck op. Big hugs at your difficult time.

MaryPoppinsMagic · 25/09/2011 21:06

Something doesn't sound right here op has his decision come out of the blue?

Or have you been at logger heads for some time now?

I think the general consensus is that when married you should not move out of the home when a split occurs (unless violence is an issue of course) as far as I am aware once you move out you cannot make a claim to the property or the belongings inside it as you are seen to of 'left'

You need to see a solicitor, stay put if it is bearable take precautions to get bank statements together copies if needs be so he cannot deny his income in future, also get your's and dc passports and other important things together.

Once you've seen a solicitor get yourself down to your local CAB office and get some help on housing / benefits issues.

Good luck op. Big hugs at your difficult time.

SansaLannister · 25/09/2011 21:06

I'm inclined to agree with SirSugar.

Original poster
cavemummy · 25/09/2011 21:08

So sad. I just wanted us to be a little family. DS adores him. Totally enthralled by him and he only wants to spend an hour a week with him. Really sad.

OP posts:
SirSugar · 25/09/2011 21:11

It is very sad; but his behaviour is abhorrent. Make it known how disgusted you are by his behaviour and let him know he cannot just drop his responsibilities like a hot cake

deanrol · 25/09/2011 21:16

Sounds a bully. Mother with baby gets told to leave the home - immediately.
Because that is his command.

Disgusting.

Original poster
cavemummy · 25/09/2011 21:19

Thank you everyone for replying. Really appreciate it.

I guess we are at loggerheads. We have both noted that our arguments always follow a pattern. Small things always end in rows with the highest stakes. He threatened to call off our wedding because I was going out with a friend for longer than he thought I was, our first anniversary dinner was cancelled because he told me to fuck off when I asked him to hurry up in the shower etc etc. I put the rows down to having a new baby and us both being tired and stressed about money etc. He has also just moved into a new job and has come to realise that it was not the right move.

We are very differennt. He's very articulate and critical and can come accross as being very negative about things as he always presents the counter-argument to people's ideas - the opposite of me. Not the world's deepest thinker but I get on with most people and always look on the bright side iykwim.

Will gather together financial stuff tomorrow when he is at work. We have seperate bank accounts and I look after all of DS's paperwork. Will get everything up together and have a look for his stuff too though just in case.

OP posts: