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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can H throw me out?

64 replies

cavemummy · 25/09/2011 20:33

Have namechanged as I don't want any RL friends to see this. After a row on Thursday evening where H made fun of me for planning to make some Christmas presents, as usual, things have totally blown out of proportion. Since then he has slept in the living room, not spoken to me at all and ignored DS (8 mths).

He has just come to me saying that the only thing to do is for us to seperate and that I should move out and find somewhere else to live.

He owns the flat and did so when I met him. No mortgage. We have been married for two years.

Can he do this?

I am on mat leave and would only have the statutory payment to cover everything for DS and I. I don't know where I would go. To my parents I suppose.

For the time being I have said that I am not going anywhere. He's really pushing me to go saying that we would both have to live here during the six months that a divorce would take.

Please help. What on earth do I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
cavemummy · 25/09/2011 21:21

I certainly feel bullied right now. I was bullied at school though and got through it by showing them (pretending) that I was not intimidated one little bit. I'll look for that little bit of stern stuff that I've filed away somewhere too.

OP posts:
frutilla · 25/09/2011 21:24

Don't know what to say. Am gutted for you and DS. Agree with the other posters about seeking legal advice and also not giving into his bullying. Are you sure he's not doing this to make you cave in and beg him to change his mind? Are you sure he's not calling your bluff? It just sounds so cold and heartless......x

SirSugar · 25/09/2011 21:24

Good, you sound ok; keep your wits about you now you can always fall apart later in private and get out your upset then

clam · 25/09/2011 21:25

So you've had monumental rows before that have gone "over the top" but I take it this is further than those? How did the previous rows resolve? Who backed down?

Original poster
cavemummy · 25/09/2011 21:26

I backed down and apologised. He has never actually asked me to leave before.

OP posts:
clam · 25/09/2011 21:28

If he wants the marriage to end, then he can be the one to leave. You're married; the fact that he owned the flat before you got together is irrelevant, surely?

WomansWeekly · 25/09/2011 21:31

the fact that he owned the flat before you got together is irrelevant, surely?

why on the other thread where the woman owned the house was everyone saying that he had no claim on the house then and to kick him out pronto

and its her right to do as she pleases because she owns the house

confused now

Original poster
cavemummy · 25/09/2011 21:35

Does anyone know how it works? Will he be able to get DS and I to leave eventually?

OP posts:
SansaLannister · 25/09/2011 21:35

It's incorrect advice, though, WW, because as they are married she can't just kick him out like that any more than cave's husband can kick her out.

MaryPoppinsMagic · 25/09/2011 21:36

womansweekly I'm not sure which other thread you mean, I certainly wouldn't give contradicting advice. Man and woman are equal in my eyes both have the same rights.

MaryPoppinsMagic · 25/09/2011 21:36

womansweekly I'm not sure which other thread you mean, I certainly wouldn't give contradicting advice. Man and woman are equal in my eyes both have the same rights.

Original poster
cavemummy · 25/09/2011 21:37

I have so little money on mat leave. When I go back to work my wages will only just cover child care. We are in London and it is very very expensive.

OP posts:
CactusRash · 25/09/2011 21:37

No about the house, it's much more complicated than that. The fact they have been married for just 2 years is relevant. As is the fact they have ababy together (and she is on ML). That's why it is very important to go and get the advice of a sollicitor.

This flat is his too so she can not throw him out. That's quite obvious.
She has a baby and the child will take priority in any arrangement. That's why she shouldn't move out (yet)

babynamesgrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 25/09/2011 21:37

I'd be suprised if he could kick you and a child out but personally I would probably wait for him to leave and change the locks myself. After clearing our joint accounts to make sure I could keep up payments.

Original poster
cavemummy · 25/09/2011 21:38

I'll have to go home and live with my parents.

OP posts:
CactusRash · 25/09/2011 21:39

You will have to have a look at tax credit etc... Don't forget that he is supposed to give some maintenance for his child.
This should make things easier.

Original poster
cavemummy · 25/09/2011 21:39

No payments. No mortgage. I have only paid towards the house by paying my share of the bills while I was still working.

OP posts:
CactusRash · 25/09/2011 21:40

OP you can nt change the locks! That would be illegal as he is owning the house (and therefore is entitled to go in as he pleases).

Original poster
cavemummy · 25/09/2011 21:41

I don't even know how I'll manage to pack. DS is all over the place and I can't take my eyes off him for a second. I'll have to quit my job and find something new near home.

OP posts:
Original poster
cavemummy · 25/09/2011 21:41

Not planning to change any locks!

OP posts:
CactusRash · 25/09/2011 21:41

Not sure whether it's relevant tbh. You need to go and see a sollicitor about it.

Don't take any decision before that! (You might want to see what are the different altrnatives in the mean time but wait until you do something)

spacester · 25/09/2011 21:43

I think the final settlement will all boil down to who has custody of the child. Courts are supposed to make sure the kids are ok. Seeing as your husband only wants 1 hour, that would be you then. Doesn't matter who owns the place, just be careful and follow the advice of your solicitor to the letter.

He is a git and deserves everything he gets. Take him to the cleaners.

Catz · 25/09/2011 21:50

You do not have to move out. If one spouse owns the home and the other does not, then the non-owning spouse has 'home rights' which mean that they can't be evicted without court order (section 30 Family Law Act 1996). From what you've said here this should include you but obviously you need to get legal advice from someone looking at your particular situation.

Of course there's then the separate questions of what would happen if you did divorce, who would live in the home, would it be sold, what would happen to the equity, who would pay the mortgage? etc. That's all very important and you'll need to talk to your lawyer about the outcomes if you do divorce. For now though the important point is that he can't chuck you out (nor vice versa) and you'd usually be advised not to move out.

MaryPoppinsMagic · 25/09/2011 21:51

cavemummy

If you H wanted custody of your son then he could take you to court to do that, the courts look at where the CHILD is best off being, weather that is with the mum or the dad they make a decision in the interest of the child.

Do you know of any reason why a court would see you not having your son live with you?

It can go anyway, 50 /50 access, or just weekend dads / mums.

I would not worry about that side of things, as like you have said above he only wants his son 1 hour per week he doesn't sound like he would want full custody.

StickyGhost · 25/09/2011 21:54

What a huge arse ur DH is! How decent is that; making ur wife and small child leave??
Good luck with the legal advice. It might take sometime to get a solicitor's appt, so you should maybe also consider getting some advice from your local authority housing office about where u stand and what ur options are if u did have to leave. I know my own council are really hot on helping people with their housing rights, and Shelter are also very good.