What do you think of this? (Embarrassing)

[OrangeJuiceWithBits]

So embarrassed to be discussing this, but need some advice.
I have a fairly open minded view of porn - I don;t mind if my partner looks occasionally, as long as it's not 'replacing' me or affecting our sex life. But he has looked at some porn that i don't understand (i.e. don't understand why it turns him on). It's transsexual porn - a category which I didn't even know existed until now. He has denied that it turns him on, and looked extremely embarrassed when I asked him about it (he had forgotten to delete the history), saying that it was curiosity. But it's happened twice. The web site wasn't just pictures either - it allowed the users to send messages to people working as prostititues, which he had done. I could see the message, and I could also see that only one message had ever been sent (he had signed up months ago, but the account was obviously rarely used because he had tonnes of junk mail which he hadn't even read). His message simply asked 'where are you based?' But I don't understand why he'd even want to know the answer to that question.

It would be easy to tell me that DP has problems and is planning to cheat on me to fulfil this fetish, but please believe me that it DOESN'T sit well with his character otherwise. He's never cheated on me in 6 years (I seriously don't see when he'd do it - we're always together, and when he's on rare nights out with the boys etc, he always calls me and comes home when he says he will). Our sex life is healthy. I want to believe that there is another explanation. He didn't get angry when I asked him about it - he just got VERY embarrassed and said 'why couldn't you have given me the benefit of the doubt?" He also said that he was taking advantage of the anonymity of the internet to see if he would get a reply, and that he understands that he shouldn't have done it and will never do it again. He added that he's always been curious about 'the weird things on the internet.' Please help me to work out whether this is 'just what guys do' and that he deserves another chance, or whether I should be worried sick, which I am right now. I would imagine that most guys would be sickened by this kind of thing and would never send a message, for whatever reason.

[twankie]

oh look..even if he did look..and even if he did send a message..it may well have been done in a moment of madness..in a moment of 'oh that's sort of interesting..I wonder..etc'. Lots of people access porn that they have no intention of carrying through the actual practices they are viewing. He thought it was 'safe'..even if he did send the message....typing something is often done in a very quick vacumned moment.. where sexual fantasy may operate for a split second..it really doesn't mean he would have taken it further.

I can understand your feelings of insecurity as I would feel he would rather have talked to me about it.. but then again..can you honestly say you have disclosed all YOUR fantasies? Why not have an open discussion with him if you can?.. he is embarrassed as he thinks he s been 'found out' over something that he hadn't necessarily 'completely embraced' ..nor would necessarily even want to. We're all complex.. most certainly, not all - or even many - of us are 100% straight..not necessarily in practice but in fantasies. The problem is that, publically, we're made to feel we need to be. As a couple, you could 'out-think' this..many do.. and what I think you could get back to..is honesty - a far more important value than what you or him may or may get off on. good luck - hope you manage to sort it.

[scotchmeg]

I don't think the question he asked is evidence that anything has happened but it does show intent - even if only for a mad second.

[passionsrunhigh]

difficult..I knew someone in LTR whose H turned out to a budding peadophile (ent to meet a teenager from internet and outed by police) :o
But no idea what their sexual life was like with wife - if yours is great, as you say, then he's unlikely to be bi/gay. I think it would show if it wasn't enough for him. But what i'm saying sometimes latent tendencies can be discovered late - the bloke i was talking about was in his mid-30s, and never acted on it before. Best to talk to him just in case.

[passionsrunhigh]

I meant 'shock' emoticon - not grin! still new to this.