The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Blowing Away The Booze In The Autumn Breeze.

[Mouseface]

Hello.

Welcome to The Brave Babes Battle Bus.

I'm mouse and I have an abusive relationship with alcohol. I can't have just the one drink, ever.

I'm not alone here, there are Babes who are sober and have been for some time, Babes who are still drinking and trying their best to stop or cut down and then there are Babes who aren't ready to stop drinking. Yet.

So, why not come and say hi?

No judgy pants allowed on here I'm afraid, cakes and cheeses are!

And for those who want to know a bit more about the Bus, HERE is our journey so far.

Have got through it. Not had any alcohol tonight. But I fancy cake and we haven't got any. Bah.

IWW - well done on drinking less than normal. Can you reduce further tomorrow?
venus the problem I have is that DH is a heavy drinker. In fact, I think he has a bigger problem than me. There is always alcohol in the house. And he drinks heavily every night.

Tries on name for size.

Maybe one day I'll be brave enough to post under my "normal" MN name. Just want to keep all this separate for the moment.

Actually not sure about Lush Babe. I'm way too old and haggard and it sounds a bit hunny possibly.

Back to the drawing board.

reading and catching up - legalalien yes please to ben10 crap - ds would be delighted. actually probably would be very interested in the coat - am searching for a good winter coat at the minute after a few make do winters in a row in recent years. pretty sure you were joking about the coat though? (what size is it? - just in case you weren't) well done for getting through omaat

sadly funding is a no go. not even any feedback as to why.

little bit hunny newly.

Hang on - gerald is the name of the bus?!? I had visions of a tiny wisened Irish chap witha green uniform and a chauffeurs cap. I knew I shouldn't have given up halfway through thread two

No I wasn't joking about the coat, it's on top of the pile of things needing rehoming which is driving me mental. Size 5.

what does size 5 mean? are you going american on me or something?

i've just looked up american size 5 and it's a size 6!! you must be wee.

I meant for your ds, saf - I have lost weight since joining the bus but am certainly not a size 6

i'm queen of wrong end of sticks at the minute - i thought it was random that you were offering me a coat!!! yes ds is 4.5 now so probably ideal if you're sure. i will pay for postage.

i thought hmm maybe it's because i'm a single mum or something - oh well don't look a gift horse in the mouth i. am. a. twat.

Venus

That's me at the front.

It's been a few years, mind - I don't look THAT good now.

Morning all and BOING!!!

sAf I'd misread it like that too! I can't find the toptrumps comment at all now but it sounds like your sort of wisdom (that's meant to be complimentary before either of us misreads that).

IWW re. the not loving yourself - I was and still am a bit of a queen of self pity. I can't afford it though, it drives me back to a drink and back to loneliness and despair. I found sticking around with people who cared about me - here, yes, and real people too which for me was AA but there are other support groups if you prefer - meant that I realised I cared about them, and a bit of self respect started to rub off. I also needed some big painful horrible and wonderful doses of tough love about my self pity but I think you need to be willing to give your permission to someone to do that for/to you.

Today has some challenging stuff in it - I've wittered before about finding my family challenging and also seeing my counsellor who I am making lots of progress with but the last session was the one that had me in massive floods of tears and a real break through with grief. Misery is optional though - I might stick that one up on my wall.

Mouse for today's challenge can you create your next creative thread title with the whole French Foreign Legion in?

Hope everyone has a great Friday.

i like 'even today misery is optional' - i'm keeping it noteven

good luck with today's challenges noteven.

day 7 here.

been thinking. i know the set a goal date thing doesn't work for most with good reasons and that odaat does for most here. i've been thinking about why this goal date is important to me and why i'm finding it easier this way at the minute. it isn't that i am proving to myself i'm not an alcoholic or that by having a big gap i'll be 'allowed' to drink again conscience free.

it's that i need a space of time that is long enough for me to really see the benefits of not drinking and for it really to become second nature and habit to me. with the odaat and the sense of, 'i'm not an alcoholic', it is always to easy for me to have a few or maybe more days off then feel ok and normal about having a drink (and then feeling like crap mind you). that means i never get long enough to really try life as a non drinker and i'm still putting the stuff in my body regularly enough for it to be part of my brain chemistry iyswim.

i want to know what it is like to not drink for a sustained period and i'm hoping that at the end of that i will have felt so much better and seen so many positives that i won't want to go back to drinking. or may have a ceremonial mulled cider for my halloween celebrations and then nothing again till winter solstice. that is my dream actually to drink like that. much like how native americans used to use tobacco as something special or sacred in ritual as opposed to the dumb arsed white man who came in and got hooked to the stuff rather than treat it with respect.

anyway - that's my current thoughts on my drinking.

Morning

Totally shit night last night, really really could have drank
Father decided that from 6000 miles away he could read me the riot act.

Que - many tears and upset.

Fortunately - my darling darling fil came over. DS phoned him when he realised that all was not right!!
So he made me lots of cups of tea, let me cry and stayed until 10pm. (He says that it wasn't deliberate - staying until the shops shut - but I am not sure I believe him).

So I went to bed, and slept like shit. BUT- I got up this morning, and went for a run. The demon appears to have left, and I no longer have the urge to pick up (although I have never drunk in the morning - so no complacency!!).

Just need to realise that I am never going to be well from this bloody bastard thing!

Have a good day everyone
B

thoughts bafana - someone made you feel like shit and then you wanted to drink. i don't think it is that you wanted the drink but that maybe you felt you deserved to be shit having been made to feel like it? not sure if that makes sense but i think often the self destructive side of drinking is about matching what you do to how you feel - so self hate and thinking you are a eg. weak/selfish/lazy/etc lead to you matching those feelings/thoughts with actions. it sounds massively counterintuitive i know but i think we do this - i don't know if it somehow creates a mental ease that things are matching or if it is a self punishment strategy that is programmed into us from when we were little or what but lots of people seem to have it.

looks to me like your issue is addressing how you respond to criticism or abuse here rather than just worrying about the drink. you 'let' him make you feel awful and were willing to do something that would make you feel even more awful in response (that's kind of like colluding with them isn't it?). strategies needed for not doing that anymore or at the very least recognising it when it happens and coping through it with awareness xxx

being able to offer yourself the kindness fil offered to you would be wonderful

Bafana you did so well to not drink, think how much worse you would feel today if you had. Having supportive people around you makes all the difference. Your FIL sounds like a wonderful man and your DS did well to phone him. We don't get to choose our family but thankfully we can treat our own children so much better.

Sometimes I think, for some of us, all parents do is teach how not to bring up children. With mine, I take the good stuff (have to rummge around a bit to find it) and leave the rest of the crap behind. I can do that because I have wonderful DH, PILs and dcs.

You didn't let this drive you to drink. You are in control and that's what matters right now. I like the saying, 'friends are the family we choose for ourselves'. So true.

Saf another thing which I think makes it easier is that, when I have decided not to drink for a certain period of time, I made the decision. It's done. I don't keep thinking every Friday or Saturday, shall I have a drink or not. I know in advance that I won't. I have already decided I don't want to. So instead of considering a drink (dangerous territory) I go straight into the strategies which help me to avoid picking up. This is where the willpower comes in a bit I think. I still need to reinforce that decision by concentrating on ODAAT.

I don't think about 'rewarding' myself at the end of the 90 days because that's not what this is about. For me, it's just a diet and alcohol are just calories. So if I 'reward' myself, it might be an ice-cream or bar of chocolate that I also haven't had for 90 days.

However, I weighed myself this morning and have gained 2 lbs . I honestly have not cheated, not gone over 1,000 calories a day, been exercising, etc. I put it down to the fact that I am due on so will stick to it.

Day 12 here I come

Good morning,

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for yesterday. It was a huge day for me, and it was so great to have that acknowledged and supported here.

This thread moves so fast, I haven't really been able to process who's who and what people are up to. Fairenuff, a nutritionalist once told me everybody puts on up to a couple of kilos for a few days at their time of the month. I know I do.

Today I will not be drinking.

Morning Babes

noteven - you're on! I shall do my best, just for you. Good luck with your day of challenging things xx

bafana - firstly, tut tut for not texting or calling a friend when you are in need . And secondly well done on not picking up that drink or going out to get some.

You've been sober now for what, ten months? Wow, I can't begin to imagine just how and you would have felt this morning after drinking because of how your father made you feel.

Thing is, you didn't drink but next time (assuming there is one, not necessarily with your father) it's important to learn how to deal with that. The attack, the nasty jibes at you, the hurt etc......

Learn to love you, the real YOU. I don't know the details of the relationship with your father but if he can reduce you to tears and make you feel so awful, I'd say that he is best left well alone.

Your DS is a superstar for reading the situation and knowing who to call on, extra hugs for him today.

It's easy for us all to say don't let your father get to you but his is your father at the end of the day and someone who you should be able to turn to in your hour of need.

Clearly, that's not the case here for whatever reason. So, lean on your FIL, and your friends. People who WILL support you and help you to grow stronger for when those dark periods in life pop up and catch you unaware.

YOU can control how much your father affects your life and you. Don't let him take those ten months away from you. Ever. xx

Day 9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow! I never thought I'd type that again.

Last night was fantastic, little Nemo slept in his own bed all night and woke with his sunshine clock at 7.30am.

Today is another glorious day here again, so sunny and glowing. The trees are stunning.

I'm off for a swim later, trying to keep some of the weight I lost off! It's slowly creeping back on due to the Morphine bunging me up! Sorry, TMI.

I had ReadyBrek this morning, just fancied it! Took me right back to being wee, sat around the fire trying to get warm before venturing out to school. Brrrrrr.

So, what do we all have planned for today? xx

BOING!!!!