The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Blowing Away The Booze In The Autumn Breeze.

[Mouseface]

Hello.

Welcome to The Brave Babes Battle Bus.

I'm mouse and I have an abusive relationship with alcohol. I can't have just the one drink, ever.

I'm not alone here, there are Babes who are sober and have been for some time, Babes who are still drinking and trying their best to stop or cut down and then there are Babes who aren't ready to stop drinking. Yet.

So, why not come and say hi?

No judgy pants allowed on here I'm afraid, cakes and cheeses are!

And for those who want to know a bit more about the Bus, HERE is our journey so far.

msgee re working - is there anyway that you can put aside your feelings about having to work the extra half day? I know that you'd rather be with dd, but can you get really, really cross with that situation ONCE and then put it aside, so that you are not stressing about it either every week, or even worse, every day? If you do that work now, can you save the money so that you can work less another time in the future? Can you look ahead to the time when that work will be completed and you will really notice and appreciate the extra time with dd - plan in a couple of treats for you both for when that time does arrive.

I don't know what type of work you do, but can you make any wise judgements about what is 'good enough' rather than putting in extra time to make it perfect? Is there any part of the work that someone else could do during times when you are busy? For example (and probably a very different situation) at one time when I was running workshops I used to type up the flip-charts and email them to the client. Then I realised that it was a time-consuming job that I hated, so I got my teenage dd to do it for a few ££s. Now I don't even do that, instead I photograph any flipcharts during the workshop and email the photos to the client. Saves time and saves all the clutter of having my office filled with redundant flip charts (and sending people flip charts is a complete waste of time anyway because no-one ever looks at them!)

And Mums will always be thinking of their DC's too MsGee

• lovely posts venus and MsGee

off to the airport.................

It was beautiful outside in the pool this morning, I do feel perkier, and am counting my blessings, instead of mouldering.

Lovely posts Venus and Msgee, I know how lucky I am. I'm just about to phone my mum!

Mouse sending you hugs, look after yourself today.

Ma I hope your day goes well, just think that you have done a wonderful job, to bring up a daughter who is brave, and strong and confident enough to do this thing. xxxx

"I absolutely believe that stopping drinking is the same as stopping anything else. You decide to stop and you stick to it. Full stop."

MYODD - perhaps you are right. Test it out. You've come to this thread and don't like what you hear. Fair enough. Try the alternative now - go to friends who you know to be normal drinkers and ask how they go about stopping drinking and not caving in.

Be prepared for some REALLY funny looks though - and the answer that, erm, they don't. They drink exactly how much they want to drink, then they go home. They don't NEED to "try hard enough", avoid "caving in", "use willpower", "decide to stop and stick to it" - they would find such concepts ridiculous and baffling. Like I said before, if you were to ask them, they would tell you it's like "deciding," or "having the willpower", to put down a book they're reading - they think, "I've had enough," they may read one more page, then they put it down. Even when the book is "unputdownable" they actually mean that they decided to read on and damn the consequences - and that it happens with one book in a hundred.

The ONLY people who "try" to stop drinking and not "cave in", often with "willpower", are people with a DRINK PROBLEM.

Maybe it's not a disease. Okay. but it's a problem. You don't solve a case of diaorrhea by trying hard not to shit yourself. If you're not a plumber, you don't solve a problem of a broken toilet by thinking really hard about it and using willpower to make it work. You ask for help from someone who knows.

Why not, just for now, forget all the definitions and the theory and see if anyone here - i.e. people who KNOW - has some useful advice for you?

I repeat once more my offer to speak to you via PM if you would prefer.

"I can not drink, if I couldn't I would be drinking now." Well, that's true of even the tramps in the park - no one drinks 24 7, we all take a break even if it's to sleep or go for a wee. The problem is, regardless of how often you drink - what happens when you DO drink? Are you in control? Does it end well, or badly, or can you just not predict it? Because, in all likelihood, if your strategy is just "try really hard" then, whether it's tomorrow or in 10 years' time, you're going to drink again, because the reasons for not doing so fluctuate over time. And, when you DO, it's going to be exactly the same as it always has been.

You don't solve a case of diaorrhea by trying hard not to shit yourself.

still laughing! that's got to be my quote of the week.

went for a run after dropping ds at school - i don't go great distances and my stamina is terrible BUT i get very hot and sweaty and pant lots and my heart works hard - that's the idea isn't it?

wasting time looking at wall stickers - someone slap me and tell me to get on with tidying the house and painting over the new plaster before i start fannying about with details.

day 5 and it feels gooood!

Good post MIF, it is lovely to have your clear thinking back!

venus thanks. You are right, I need to stop being cross about losing the time with DD and it does mean that I am 100% focused on her when she is here.

I work on funding bids, so most of the work is relatively detailed. However, I have a large chunk of database work to do that I can probably easily do in the evenings, so will do that. Will think on other things... thank you x

Still feeling hungover today, dragged myself to work anyway, but now I'm here I really wish I'd stayed in bed

I look like shit. I'm bloated. My skin is terrible. I look and feel terrible.

Worst thing of all? I would love a drink.

Hi everyone.

Hope it goes Ok at the airport Ma

MsGee, in a ideal world we would spend as much time as possible with our DC's over everything else but then whilst we are with them we would be thinking about the work we should be doing to bring the money into the family, the tidying up, the washing etc etc. If we did this they although we would spend more time with them we wouldn't be completely focused on them. What I'm waffling on about is that at least once the work is done then its DD time. Hope that made sense [happy]

I had an outside swim last night Thurso and it was lovely, makes me feel so much better to swim and watch the sunset.

"Worst thing of all? I would love a drink."

Of course you would - you've got a drink problem!

What matters is not the fact that you would love a drink (this morning, in a Portuguese bar where I go before work for my espresso, I saw a man having half a lager at 9.30am and part of me thought, "that looks good".) What matters is whether you HAVE a drink.

if you don't have that drink and you wait a few days you will start feeling and looking much better and will be very glad you didn't have it. if you do have that drink this feeling/looking like shit routine is yours to keep. you can do this - you deserve this - look after you x

half a lager always looks good tbf - especially in the morning though what the heck are halves about? even ladeees have a pint nowadays.

a half would never cut it would it? nor would a pint realistically. not for me. i have to have 3 before i even consider getting back out of the pub i shouldn't have come into. so best i don't have that half.

Anyone care to have a quick look at my post in support for those in abusive relationships. My DH isn't all bad but he has his moments. There's no-one about over there which is partly why I hopped on this lovely looking bus yesterday - even possibly without the right bus pass. DH doesn't like me going on MN, but then he doesn't really like any of my very varied friends either
As I said he's away this week. Looking forward to him getting back though as I find it easier with the DC's when we're a partnership (he's a good Dad) - than when it's just me. Thanks peeps !

It's a half because it's Little Portugal - it really reminds me of my local in France, to be honest. Swings and roundabouts - you can drink from eight in the morning in public but, because there's an illusion of social drinking, you have to do it in small doses.

No, I'm definitely not having one! Luckily dh is home tonight (he works shifts) so I don't need to worry. It's when I'm on my own and have a shit day at work etc that I struggle (that HALT thing made a lot of sense to me)

So I will be fine, but will post too. I know there will be days where I really struggle.

Have any of you kept it quiet from friends and family etc?

And what about your work, do they know?

melody I don't want to minimise or deny how you are feeling, but are you really sure that you want a drink, or do you just want 'something' (and your most recent habit has been to resolve the wanting-something feeling by having a drink)? I ask because for many years my brain would respond to many situations by telling me I wanted/needed a drink. So feeling tired - want a drink; feel energetic - want a drink; feel sad - want a drink; feel happy - want a drink. And so on.

That is why I find the HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) approach so helpful. I try to work out what it is that my body is really craving and satisfy that (before turning to drink). So this morning at work and you're still feeling bad physically, can you try to satisfy that with salt / sugar and lots of fresh liquids? Wish you'd stayed in bed - then go home, put your pjs on, brush your teeth and go to sleep.

Of course you may still feel like having a drink - that is the way you have been used to solving the problem, but each of the approaches above will delay the time when you start to drink.

At least by being at work you are in a place where (presumably) you can't give in to the temptation. So can you use some of your time by making a really good plan for when you leave work. Go out at lunchtime and buy something for tea (some soup, some nice bread, a lovely pudding). Buy some non-alcohoic drinks (coke, expensive cordial, latte). Find something that will keep you busy this evening (a great book, a home-manicure set). Arrange to spend time with someone who will support you in not-drinking (go bowling, or to see a film, or get a friend to come round with a dvd).

melody I see I x-posted with you on HALT

I'm self-employed so telling work doesn't come into it, and I certainly haven't told any of my clients. On telling others you will find quite a variety - JWN seems to have been totally upfront with her friends and has had marvellous support. On the other hand, I've told hardly anyone.

"I know there will be days where I really struggle."

Don't.

Project.

ODAAT.

As for keeping it quiet - I tell people as and when I feel they need to know and "when they need to know" has changed over time.

But the bottom line is, if you don't drink, no one will know you have a drinking problem and so it will become largely irrelevant.

MIF have just realised that you must work very close to where I used to work in London prior to having DD. The Portuguese espresso's kept me going in that job.

BOING!!!!

morning melody!!! you lucky girl!! today is the start of a great big deal, a whole new way of life is just waiting for you!

a quick thought on telling/not telling - i am VERY lucky that i have a group of wonderful supportive friends of long standing who i knew i could trust, tbh, most of them had guessed long before me that i was pretty out of control, i know that i have been the talking point of a few conversations, they have discussed how best to help me and also have told me that its made them look quite seriously at their own alcohol consumption.

my family are very supportive although tbh my parents dont really 'get it', they are both pretty heavy drinkers in denial themselves - as to everyone else, my dbs and sils are fantastic, no judging, no nasty comments, they are just pleased that they can trust me with their dcs again!

like venus, work is a non issue for me, its our company, everyone that works for us knows, we are a pretty close team and they have been very supportive.

i dont generally go about making announcements about my alcholism, i dont think it defines me, im much more than a 'problem drinker' - what i do refuse to do is be ashamed of it, its unfortunate, but hey, so is acne! i dont hide it, i dont lie about it, equally, i wouldnt answer someone who made a fuss about me not drinking alcohol in a social situation, my attitude would be 'fuck off and mind your own business'

you can only play it as you see it, some people will judge you, most will want to help, some will be relived that you have admitted the problem, just do what works for you!

Thanks Venus, that's all really really helpful.

Thanks Jesus, that being made me smile! I think I will keep it between me and dh for now. He has been so so lovely, thank goodness!!!

MsGee - I'm in Brixton. Absolutely mad. Is that where you had in mind?

Used to spend a lot of time in Vauxhall too.

I'm back. it went ok. As i type she is winging her way onwards to a whole new life. Time to get that bedroom finished off now, as I have completely ground to a halt with it.