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Original poster

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Blowing Away The Booze In The Autumn Breeze.

999 replies

Mouseface · 21/09/2011 12:22

Hello.

Welcome to The Brave Babes Battle Bus. Smile

I'm mouse and I have an abusive relationship with alcohol. I can't have just the one drink, ever.

I'm not alone here, there are Babes who are sober and have been for some time, Babes who are still drinking and trying their best to stop or cut down and then there are Babes who aren't ready to stop drinking. Yet.

So, why not come and say hi?

No judgy pants allowed on here I'm afraid, cakes and cheeses are! Grin

And for those who want to know a bit more about the Bus, HERE is our journey so far.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mouseface · 27/09/2011 11:06

If you want to drink, you expect everyone else to want to as well. To you it's the norm, why on earth would you not drink? What's wrong with you.

The problem isn't with the other person, it's with the drinker. It's NOT the norm to get wasted, to drink and drink and drink.

It's NOT the norm to gulp down glass after glass after glass.

It's NOT the norm to expect everyone else to be as happy as you to drink.

OP posts:
Makeyerowndamndinner · 27/09/2011 11:07

sorry swallowedAfly I xposted with you there. But yes, I think that's good advice. Like I said in my previous post, I'm happy to say that I'm just one of those people who is not great when pissed so decided not to bother...

swallowedAfly · 27/09/2011 11:08

sorry but i think it's rather sad that that is how you view people who've had alcohol problems. it's not going to work in your favour given that you have one. i think you need to address it because it may be a big part of why you can't face up to your own alcohol problem if you believe those that have them are somehow pariahs to be avoided Sad

swallowedAfly · 27/09/2011 11:09

you realise you're hanging out with quite a few of those pariahs here? but that's ok as long as you don't date any of us?

NewlyLush · 27/09/2011 11:09

Welcome to the thread juggling

jesuswhatnext · 27/09/2011 11:11

morning!! i agree with SAF - there are many and varied reasons for not drinking - my life is pretty much an open book and i have no problem telling people why i dont drink like i used to, but, - i've been sober for 16 months and new people i have met have NEVER questioned my choice of soft drink, i think on the whole, people just dont give a toss as to weather a person drinks alcohol or not!

jugglingwiththreeshoes · 27/09/2011 11:12

Thanks newlylush
I must get myself ready and go into town now or it will be time to pick up the DC's before I know it !

MIFLAW · 27/09/2011 11:16

"swallowedAfly that is not true. I don't know anybody who doesn't drink - actually, maybe one other person. That's it."

You don't know any practising Muslims? Or Methodists? Or anyone who has been advised not to drink for health reasons? Or even anyone who drinks so little (small Baileys at Xmas) that, to be honest, the rest of the year they might as well NOT drink? Where do you live?

How would you feel about a date with Eric Clapton, Robbie Williams, Jack Dee, Frank Skinner? Maybe you don't fancy any of them - but would you think, based purely on the fact that they don't drink, "bloody hell, tonight's going to be a bit dull"?

Makeyerowndamndinner · 27/09/2011 11:18

I certainly don't view anyone with a drink problem as a pariah. Like I have said previously, I take my hat off to anyone wishing to deal with their issues with alcohol. I think you're brave and doing the right thing. I'm sure you'd all make wonderful friends.

But no, I would not wish to enter into an intimate relationship with a recovering alcoholic. Because there is no cure for alcoholism. An alcoholic can relapse at any time. I would not wish to share my children or my finances with someone who could become very ill and very irresponsible very quickly. I've been a piss-artist for years and I think I'm in a fairly good position to make a judgement on this issue!

There is nothing wrong with feeling like that. If you think that means I'm saying all recovering alcoholics are not worth getting to know then that's your stuff, not mine.

MIFLAW · 27/09/2011 11:22

Incidentally, this morning I met a girl (woman now) I was at school with. I liked her a lot, but we were never that close. Last time I saw her in the flesh was about 12 years ago, when I was 25. Prior to that, I probably bumped into her once a year.

Anyway, it came up in conversation that I no longer drank. She said - referring to 12 years ago, when I was 25, remember - "ah, yes, you were very entertaining, but a lot of people were worried about you." Think about that - a woman I wasn't hugely close to remembered that, 12 years ago, at 25, I had a problem with drink BECAUSE SHE HAD BEEN AWARE OF IT AT THE TIME - even though, between 18 and 25, we'd seen each other once or twice a year!

So there you go - that's the sort of fun, livewire social drinker I was - already worrying people I saw very little of after a drinking career of about 8 years.

jesuswhatnext · 27/09/2011 11:22

thanks MYDD, your last post has made me feel a whole lot better about myself! Hmm

and yes, maybe it is 'my stuff' but you sound very judgemental and narrow minded!

Makeyerowndamndinner · 27/09/2011 11:23

I suppose I could be persuaded to go out on a date with Robbie Williams MIFLAW from a purely aesthetic point of view, but I don't actually think he was a good example to use.

The man has serious addiction and mental health issues. Is he a good prospect for a healthy long-term relationship? Of course he isn't.

jesuswhatnext · 27/09/2011 11:26

mif - i was cahtting to a very old friend last week, we did the whole 'sex and drugs and rock'n' roll lifestyle in our 20s - it seems most of us 'over did' it! Blush and now, those of us who actually survived in to our 40s (yes, it was that extreme) are now tee-total or in recovery.

MIFLAW · 27/09/2011 11:30

MYODD - of COURSE this is all entirely your decision and you must call it as you see it. You won't offend me with your view, at any rate.

But how many women can honestly say that their husband has NEVER been over the limit after a party? Has NEVER said anything embarrassing in front of friends because of drinking too much? Has NEVER drunk too much? Has NEVER been drunk in front of them? Has NEVER let her down because of drinking? Has NEVER spoiled a weekend morning with a hangover?

Mine can. Which makes me think, in some ways, I'm a better bet than many a "normal" drinker.

Of course, there is no cure for alcoholism. I could relapse. But why would I? Like diabetics, as long as I stay aware of my problem and do the right things to manage it, my problem isn't a problem and I can participate fully and usefully in life.

MsGee · 27/09/2011 11:31

I think that its a sign of our own demons that we think that other people care about who drinks what. When I go out with friends there is usually a mixture of people drinking and otherwise - for a whole range of reasons, pregnancy, having to deal with small children, dieting, driving etc.

When I have told people I am not drinking I've had the odd raised eyebrow, but really, people generally don't give a shit. They are either oblivious or are too busy thinking about their own drinking.

MsGee · 27/09/2011 11:34

Obviously conversation has moved on slightly. That's what I get for doing some work mid post. Bah.

swallowedAfly · 27/09/2011 11:35

myodd, quote: But no, I would not wish to enter into an intimate relationship with a recovering alcoholic. Because there is no cure for alcoholism. An alcoholic can relapse at any time. I would not wish to share my children or my finances with someone who could become very ill and very irresponsible very quickly. I've been a piss-artist for years and I think I'm in a fairly good position to make a judgement on this issue!

you realise you're talking about yourself ? have you made the choice to not have children then? have you decided not to inflict yourself on a partner?

sorry but you're not just in denial you're loathing the very group that you are a part of.

venusandmars · 27/09/2011 11:37

Bloody hell. I go away for a couple of days, and come back to find 14 pages of posts. Then by the time I read them all, there's another two.

swallowedAfly · 27/09/2011 11:37

it sounds like you'd rather stay a drinking alcoholic than admit that you ARE sharing an intimate relationship with an alcoholic, you are sharing your children with an alcoholic.

but fine. go for the denial and projection.

swallowedAfly · 27/09/2011 11:38

i better toddle off for a bit me thinks Grin

bafanatheSober · 27/09/2011 11:39

myodd

TBH, I think that you are currently overthinking this, and coming up with a list of reasons as to why you can't of shouldn't not drink.
Nobody (apart from my immediate family and VERY close friends) knows. Not one person has given a shit so far.
I have dated - the men have not cared that I don't drink.

I would date a recovering alcoholic, because they are controlling their disease.

My ex consistently got pissed and made an arse of himself - and he would never admit to a drink problem, but there is definitely one there, in my opinion.
But - at the moment, concentrate on yourself, why do you want to stop.

If and when you date, deal with the drinking/not drinking on that day. Why worry about a potential event and the potential outcome?? It's not happened yet, worry about it when you get there!!

Instead - focus on today. Make a choice not to drink today.

Oh, and remember you are on a thread with recovering alcoholics, so dissing them is certainly not very endearing Hmm.

Keep it in the day, let tomorrow take care of itself.
And take care of yourself today! Smile

MIFLAW · 27/09/2011 11:40

To be fair, when I was in MYODD's position I wanted NOTHING AT ALL to do with non-drinkers. I thought they were sad losers. When I first went to AA and men - MEN! - were saying, "I haven't drunk alcohol for 2 years" I honestly thought, "but you're white! So you're probably not a Muslim. Why would a man not drink unless he was a Muslim? Maybe it's a medical thing ..."

Happily for all concerned, I have now revised this point of view.

Makeyerowndamndinner · 27/09/2011 11:47

But MIFLAW I am presuming you have been sober for a while and that your wife trusts you absolutely to remain so. That's a little different.

jesuswhatnext I am not judgemental and narrowminded. I work as a support worker for Women's Aid. A lot of the women I support have issues with alcohol, as do I, remember! I am full of admiration for the women I work with. I see them struggling with alcoholism, domestic abuse, and often a whole host of other issues, and despite it all they somehow keep on keeping on. I do not judge them, I applaud them.

But I am allowed to set boundaries as to who I think it would be appropriate to get involved with and who I don't. I'm not setting those boundaries on the basis of ignorance. I know alcoholism. I know it well.

I did not come here for a fight, but neither did I come here to give and receive flannel. I want to have an honest conversation about my drinking, and I want to give others honest support when I am in a position of enough strength to do so.

venusandmars · 27/09/2011 11:48

I was going to ignore the current hot topic and just post my musings from the past few days, but actually the first thing that comes to mind is about my experiences of dating...

I'm kind of in the the MYODD camp (well I don't know if I am any more (not being in the dating game), but I know that I was). I remember going on a date with a guy (daytime walk by the river), we went back to his place and he offered me coffee - then offered me a glass of wine. I was about to accept the glass of wine when he appeared from the kitchen holding a half empty bottle. he explained that he often opened a bottle at the weekend and had a glass (a single glass Shock) a couple of times a week. My immediate thoughts were that that would not be a relationship that would every work very well for me. I had the coffee instead and we didn't date again.

I also dated a bloke who told me very early on that he had an alcohol problem. I was shit scared. I had 2 young dc, and I didn't understand him, or his alcohol issues, or his sobriety, and I know that I created a great distance between us because I was wary of getting involved. Fwiw, I also did the same with someone who had no control over money. It was just too much risk to expose to dc and our family security to.

Looking back, I know with the alcohol issue, a lot of it was to do with my own drinking. I just could not imagine having fun, getting to know someone, getting intimate with them - if I wasn't drunk.

Original poster
Mouseface · 27/09/2011 11:48
Hmm
OP posts: