The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Blowing Away The Booze In The Autumn Breeze.

[Mouseface]

Hello.

Welcome to The Brave Babes Battle Bus.

I'm mouse and I have an abusive relationship with alcohol. I can't have just the one drink, ever.

I'm not alone here, there are Babes who are sober and have been for some time, Babes who are still drinking and trying their best to stop or cut down and then there are Babes who aren't ready to stop drinking. Yet.

So, why not come and say hi?

No judgy pants allowed on here I'm afraid, cakes and cheeses are!

And for those who want to know a bit more about the Bus, HERE is our journey so far.

Happy Birthday Isindie
How is the mOuse household doing - hope you are all OK
How are you Thurso
Hi MsGee Banana cake for me please

Well I hardly drank Friday and Saturday night but did have a bottle last night. Feel OK though as over the weekend its alot less than usual. Feeling alot more positive about things today

Morning all

Wow the bus is busy right now, welcome to all the newbies, and hi to all the oldies

mouse hope you are on the mend my lovely
indie HAPPY HAPPY Birthday - I hope that it is the first of many sober ones!
thurso I am so sorry that you are struggling with the fledglings flying the nest . Look after yourself and remember that it has been your fantastic parenting that has allowed them to have the confidence to grow into the young adults that they are!

MSGee lovely to here you sounding so positive!! - although not happy about the lack of cake on the bus

bbwanna are you going to share the date so that we can through a bus party??

Well - I had a great weekend, on Saturday I went out for coffee and cake with DS, and then out to the movies with a friend on Saturday night.
Sunday was Church, and then a drive out to the Birks of Aberfeldy, although we got there at the same time as the rain, so once again - it was coffee and cake!

Last night I spent some time reflecting about how different my life is now 10 months into being sober, and the change in me really is quite incredible!

I like myself. Really like myself. Am comfortable in my own skin alot of the time.

I no longer feel like a failure all the time.

I am prepared to challenge myself - with things like tackling the wilderness of my garden.
I have lost weight. My eyes no longer have that dead look.
I am there emotionally for my children far more than I ever was.
I have more energy.
I have more patience.
I think that I am a better friend, parent and child.

I didn't think that I lacked any of these things before, and would have said that I was all of those things 10 months ago, but I have so much more now.

Joining the bus, and reading people's experiences - in particular JWN's gave me the courage to go to AA. JWN I think that you are awesome, and I think that you helped me safe my own life.

Ok, big sap that I am - am now crying.
I toast you all with a big cup of green tea

Love you all for the help and support you give me everyday

Bafana

welcome blackduck. good luck with day 1 - do you relieved at all to have called time on it?

msgee - it's really helping me too - maybe we should swap numbers and text each other morning and night too as an extra incentive/way of being mindful?

fantastic to post to read bafana - love that list - what a testimony

Morning Babes

Thank you all for your well wishes.

IsinDe - I can't believe this is your second birthday on the Bus, how time flies! Happy Birthday lovely lovely lady xxxx

MsGee & Saf - I think that's a great idea, a 'Bus Buddy' to help motivate you! And thanks for the hug MsGee

Welcome to Blackduck

Thurso - so sorry you are feeling blue, have a massive germ free hug from me. {({{({({HUG})})})})})}

bafana - your post really moved me this morning.

I like myself. Really like myself. Am comfortable in my own skin alot of the time.
I no longer feel like a failure all the time.
I am prepared to challenge myself - with things like tackling the wilderness of my garden.
I have lost weight. My eyes no longer have that dead look.
I am there emotionally for my children far more than I ever was.
I have more energy.
I have more patience.
I think that I am a better friend, parent and child.

Just gorgeous. I hope that one day, we can all have a list like that, well, those who aren't quite there yet.

So, we are all on the mend here. DD has been v ill over the weekend and I've had to pull myself together to get back to normal asap. I called the docs this morning to ask about my bloods and they U&E (????? no idea what they are) came back as normal but my Liver Function Test is now under investigation.

I'm 36 and never thought I'd hear those words but there you have it. I now have to wait over a week to see the correct doc who specialises in these things but the receptionist did say 'well, MrsMouse at least it's not urgent' well yes indeed.

well, a bit of a quiet 'boing' here! had a lovely lovely weekend, spent most of it with my bf,(hte fellas have been away white water rafting) we have laughed and cried, talked and talked about what? our children leaving home, the memories we have made, the way we feel so proud of our kids and how we feel at the start of the next stage of family life! [glup!] oh my word we have got though some tissues!! thurso and ma, you are so not alone!

bafana, you have made me

btw, a big hello to all our newbies and a couple of thoughts

first of all, dont worry about labeling yourself! first and foremost you are YOU, dont let this fucker define you! you are so much more than alcohol is allowing you to be!

i go to aa, i find it useful and i have met some fantastic people (i tend to stick with the women, i find i have far more in common with them, however i dont write the men off compleatly!) - i look at aa as a tool in my fight to stay sober, its not the be all and end all and alot of it i dont agree with, i just take the parts that are relevant to me and leave the rest!

Me again, U&E is kidney function, my friend has just told me so they're normal. Phew! I have always had dodgy kidneys. I have part of one missing due to a surgical fuckup error some years ago and I'm prone to infections.....

Anyway, back to brunch. I thought poached eggs on freshly baked, toasted English muffins and some fruit tea?

Just careful you don't do too much Mouse, you have been very ill aswell so will need time to recuperate

Hi everybody....

Well I dont know how you lot manage, because I failed miserably last night :(

I am such an idiot. Having the nice soft drinks was no help. I totally ignored them.

IWW you didn't fail and you're not an idiot.
You might, just possibly, be an alcoholic.
For me, it was the only thing that made any sense. I drank even though I got more miserable every time; I drank so that my daughter was put at risk; I don't know how I've kept my job; drinking made me lonely, self-loathing, guilty and at the very end, suicidal. If it was about will power I'd have had no problem - with straight As at A-level, graduating at the top of my year group and a highly professional job - I had plenty of that.
Realising I was an alcoholic was actually very good news. It meant I couldn't do this. And once I realised that (and it took me to a terrible place) I could finally start to get well.

hang in there mouse - can't know till you see doc and it is unlikely to be really serious if he/she's not seeing you till well into october. i'm sure you'd have to see someone else if it was urgent. and for all we know its a botched test or maybe an early cell changes thing that comes as a heads up wake up warning but can be reversed. don't panic! x

IWW - thing is that the soft drinks don't work by magic sadly just by being there. you have to chose to drink them and fight the urge to do otherwise. are you ready to do this? do you really want to stop? not saying you don't just asking you to ask yourself?

See I said I was stupid :) I just sat and looked at them while I enjoyed my wine!

I do want to stop. I do. I dont crave a drink, at least I didnt think I did. Is it just habit?

I would be so happy if I could just stop at 2!!!! Why is it so bloody hard?

Tonight.... I will make sure I drink the soft drinks first! Then I wont have room for the wine!

IWW - I also don't think you are an idiot.

Like Noteven, I have drunk even though I knew the consequences would be. I knew that the house would be a mess, the kids would eat a crap dinner, DH would be in a mood with me and I would feel guilty and horrible for doing it.

I have been where you are. I am only on day 2 now (but drinking tea and sparkling water - Not together ) instead of wine. Which had become a habit for me (even when only eating with my 2 children) So I hope you can see I'm far from being on anything like highground

Just dust yourself down and start again. Maybe don't have any wine in tonight?

IWW Tonight.... I will make sure I drink the soft drinks first! Then I wont have room for the wine!
It wouldn't have worked for me, but maybe you need more convincing. It's always worth it, however bad it gets, if you get convinced.
Off out - sAf it's DD's last social services meeting, she is coming home for good. (Those were the depths it took me to).

I probably could have none at all but my GP told me I shouldnt stop altogether, that's the problem. I am sure you all appreciate that it is so hard to just have the one!

I will try harder! I have done it before. I will do it again. I will!

Makeyourown

no one would think you were a fraud in AA.

If you think you are choosing to drink, then choose not to.

If your answer to that contains the word "but" then, whatever "alcoholic" actually means (and I can assure you that the physical side of things is the least of anyone's worries) you are more than qualified to attend an aA meeting.

I used to live in Kent - not rural exactly, but not big city either. In my early days I turned up to a meeting and thought I was in the wrong place - everyone looked like parents and grandparents picking their kids up from playgroup! Whoever told you it's all old men is talking bollocks. Why not go to a few meetings and decide for yourself whether or not you fit in? You'll certainly be made to feel welcome if nothing else.

IWW what exactly did your doctor say and is he/she and expert on alcoholism and alcohol abuse?

Dis I read that right Noteven that your DD will be living with you for good soon?

noteven - home for good? DD will be with your for good? Wow! Great news! That really is. I bet your heart is bursting! xx

Saf - I'm really good at worrying and drama though

yeah i'm afraid what your doc has said just isn't adding up IWW - could you have misconstrued? if not you need to see someone else pronto because it is a massively unsound bag of mixed messages you've been given there. as in, 'you're so alcohol dependent that it would be dangerous for you to stop', compared to, "just have some soft drinks in and drink them first". the first says you're a really seriously alcoholic person who is physically addicted to alcohol - the other says it's just a case of having your tummy full and then you won't need a drink/much drink. it doesn't. add. up.

noteven - congratulations - fingers crossed for you that it goes smoothly and that this is the end of the nightmare and the beginning of the rest of your lives as a family x

I wondered that too Saf re the stopping/you can't stop.

IWW - what is your plan of care with your GP? Do you have anything set in place with them? Have they taken bloods or urine or talked to you about a LFT (liver function test) or anything else to help you to see how much you 'need' (or hopefully don't) alcohol.

Can I ask, sorry if you have put this before, how much you do or did drink per night or per week?

Hello my friends,

Happy Birthday Inde

I will write more later in the week, if I start now, it will all be a bit me, me, me.

Thank you for all your hugs, and kind words

Love to all

xxx

Well, it is a long story, but I am in an abusive relationship, things here are really bad, hence the wine! It does help, it is the only emotional pain killer I know of.

My GP is aware of my situation and all of them at the practice have been so kind and supportive. I think he feels that I have so much to contend with, I should be concentrating on getting out of the relationship.

He gave me a phone number for some organisation, but I have not called today because I have not had a chance to do so without being overheard.

I told him, truthfully, how much I am drinking lately, (one and a half bottles every evening), he obviously said I need to cut back, but it might be dangerous to stop altogether. No blood test.

Thank you for taking an interest and all.

I am supposed to go back in a couple of weeks time as a follow up. :(

IWW

I've been in your shoes, a few years back now. I know exactly how you feel re using the wine to blur the edges, dull the pain.

One thing that I will never forget from this Bus is something MIFLAW said to a poster on here, 'which will kill you first'?

It was in reference to the poster smoking more and drinking more to get through a very stressful time.

The answer is alcohol. Always.

Not just from a health point of view but also from a danger point of view. You could do anything drunk and have no recollection.

Late night snack turns into house fire (Jeff forbid), drunken row turns into a tumble down the stairs for you.... you catch my drift, the list is endless.

So, if you drink less, you have MORE CONTROL over your life, over your reactions to him, to his behaviour. Drinking is NEVER the answer. He'll catch you off guard if you are pissed. You are giving him a huge green light to do as he pleases if you're not in control of YOU.

Are you married? Joint mortgage? Or can you leave? Sorry, I'm trying to understand your situation better. Children?

I'd be pushing for a sooner appointment with your GP and please, have a look http://www.womensaid.org.uk/ HERE for advice on your 'relationship'.

When you say abusive, does he hit you? Or is it verbal and emotional. Is it physical? Don't answer if you don't want to but there is help out there for you.

This may only be the start of a very long and upsetting journey but you have to have a plan. For yourself. What is it you want and who can help you. Little steps.

i don't think that is good care personally iwantwine. it's nice that they've been kind but i think you need more help than that. unless you are sure you are getting out of the relationship with a date on when you're doing it then the drink problem needs helping imo or could just go on the back burner forever. the LFT is a good idea too and i'm surprised he didn't do it. did he give you a through physical exam even?

as far as i'm aware it is extremely rare for it to be dangerous for someone to stop - and it tends to be seriously heavy, heavy drinkers (think amy winehouse) who are at risk of complications. i remember looking it all up to reassure myself.

i wonder if he was clear whether he meant it would be a bad idea to stop because of physical health risks or because he was somehow approving of it as an emotional crutch?

as for the filling up on soft drinks and hoping that means you won't have alcohol i'm very dubious personally. people who abuse alcohol don't do it out of physical thirst and aren't deterred by a full tummy i'm afraid.

i would really recommend that you try a whole day without drinking.