General internet dating support and chit chat thread

[lubeybooby]

Relationships seems the most appropriate place for this I think? Happy to ask for it to be moved if it's maybe better in _chat or something.

Anyway!

Chit chat your dating/internet dating claptrap here!

Also your hints and tips please for dating in the shark pit on the internet

I'll start.

I'm 31, single and rather fed up of it now. Have a few internet dating profiles, am trying to improve my social life and get out more, even looking out for possible additional temp jobs just to be.... 'out there' a bit more.

Even had a go at cosmic ordering which has been cropping up in dating related threads recently. Now I'm a very scientific and cynical kind of person but when it comes to my (currently appalling) love life I will try anything to give it a bit of a boost. Whether that be focusing the mind on the task in hand or strange unknown forces I care not.

I have a certain 'look' it would appear. Grinds my nuts (I don't have nuts). I like to wear black, have tattoos and long red hair, I'm strong willed and independent apparently this equates to being a dominatrix sort...argh.

I just want a guy who knows his own mind...also these 'artists' I attract are actually just blokes who think they can draw/paint etc and then want my opinion on their shitty little doodles lol.

LittleHousebytheRiver I wouldn't worry too much about that, in the early throes of something good it's quite easy to get insecure and ten days must seem like ages to him at this stage. I think it's quite a good sign really, he is clearly very interested without taking it toooo far into stalkerish/obessive behaviour. I read something the other day that said when a man really likes you, he imagines every single other bloke does too so ten days away to him is probably setting off that thought in his subconcious - that all these legions of men who adore you will sweep you off your feet while he is gone!

I have my date sorted for Tuesday, earliest day we could get free time that co-incides nicely. He is VNM1 (very nice man 1) and we are going for dinner

Another, VNM2 has invited me for a walk in some beautiful countryside one weekend. He has admitted he suffers with social anxiety though... can anyone shed any light on what that means? I just want to understand more, would that be panic attacks or risk of panic attacks when a social thing looms? Or a bit milder than that?

Depends on the level of anxiety he suffers I guess. He may well cope ok in social settings, or his behaviour might become erratic and nervous. I'd delve a little more into it. It can be tricky but also rewarding.

Hi - can i join this thread?

Ive been online dating on and off for a while ( about 2 years).

Ive a date this evening and one on sunday.
the one this evening i have no expectations of, hes 10 years older than me, and i must admit that feels like quite a big gap. However he is the most interesting person and im really looking forward to seeing him. He has a strange job that takes him out of the country and living in a camper van in the wilderness for quite a few months a year and he does a ton of charity work. We were in contact and had almost had a date earlier this year, but then couldnt fit it in, but as soon as he hit uk soil he texted me and we are meeting up later.

Then sundays date i am very excited about, not least because he looks like desmond from lost. We have spoken on the phone and been texting rather a lot. hes seems very funny and quite down to earth and i feel like i fancy him already. But you never really know do you.

I had a date a few weeks ago with somone who has said they would like to see me again, but three weeks on has not suggested another date, despite texting me every few days. So, i cant see that going anywhere.

Im not talking to anyone else online at the momment, because i cant juggle talking/dating more than two at once :)

lubey many of my clients suffer from social anxiety - if he is using that term he may well have been diagnosed with it by a professional. All I would say is, think ahead as to whether you want most of your dates to be long country walks...there might be difficulties with christmas parties/pubs/crowded supermarkets etc. And don't think that you will be able to cure this condition because many adults have to go through some sort of therapy (cbt) to get to the root of the problem. I'm not saying dismiss him, but maybe get him to explain in what context. If it were me I wouldn't date him but only because I am very outgoing and need to be with people/sociable and I hate waking lol x

watchout don't bother texting mr.3 weeks ago again - he is not into you. I'd go for Mr. Sunday ...sounds promising compared to Mr. Wilderness :)

ha, im liking the names.
Mr wildnerness does seem very very interesting though. I dont think there will be any long term romantic things going on with him. BUT i like the fact that hes interesting and does something unusual with his life. Hes good to chat too and i dont feel like he would mess anyone around.

Mr Sunday on the other hand,yeah, i just fancy him :)

Im not going to text mr 3 weeks ago again. Ive been replying to him when he does, but i might just stop that as well.

Can anyone give a quick catch up on the thread? Or shall i just read back as much as i can?

morning folks! Welcome watch out :) My STBXH and I had a ten year age gap. Although things didnt work out in the end, it was nothing to do with age. I never noticed most of the time and neither did he. Your chap does sound very interesting! Had to google desmond from lost...pretty fit! Hopefully he will actually look like his photos!

Lubey, my brother had social anxiety. He found it very hard to get on in public settings. He got quite paranoid about himself and felt that he didnt fit in. I dont think i would date someone with social anxiety either, considering I am the total opposite and fling myself into social things like a hyper frog.

When it comes to mr needy about going away on holiday...I dont know. Each to their own. I would probably find that kind of cute and proof he is keen..as long as he only mentioned it once or twice and was then reassured.

and for myself...my head is firmly jammed up my arse today. I have been attacking the house with much zealor. Proof that I am obviously feeling rather nervous about meeting the sassenach tomorrow (my nickname for him. Hope he doesnt go on mumsnet!). Excited, very muchly. But also nervous. I am working friday night and he is meeting me in work when I finish. I was just going to stay in my uniform but am now thinking better of it and I really have nothing to wear! I dont know what to wear! Would black skinny jeans, heels (boots) and long grungey type top be okay? Thats my normal look really.

We have been texting back and forth and he has given me a lot of opportunity to change my mind. He has also sent me a few lovely texts that made me . Must go clean the house. A lot.

Well one of the guys I was chatting to has disappeared (why do they do that?) but still emailing a guy from OKCupid, I'll cann him Mr Bodybuilder. HAd an email this morning from a very hot looking guy but he lives in Amsterdam - I think thats taking long distance romance a bit too far

Lubey enter with caution. It's good that he has told you that he suffers from it early on but I imagine it will affect your lives as a couple if you go our for a while

Charlottes last nights date sounds good, very promising that he texted you as soon as yuo got home

Watchout Mr Wilderness sounds lovely although its good to meet up with someone who you can tell you already fancy. Both sound better than Mr 3 weeks

Littlehouse most men would probably be worried about going away when they have only just met someone they like, I guess not many will admit to it

shiney - having just read back, i think i would be feeling like something was up as well. Doesnt make sense does it?
Hes either really not that into you at all, or is seeing lots of people? or is in a long term relationship at least. If he sees his child at the weekend at his parents there is no reason why he couldnt pop out one of the evenings is there, for a few hours. Yeah - its weird, i would be very warey.

Welcome watchout!

Thanks for the advice re: social anxiety. I will talk further with him about it at some point before we meet. He seems a really lovely guy and I'm impressed he has been honest and upfront so I'm happy to explore it further and just see what happens.

However I'm rather more hopeful about VNM1 who I have the dinner date with Tuesday.

watchout a ten year age gap is really nothing to me and I don't think it need be a problem as such for anyone. My last relationship he was 26 years older than me and our split was nothing to do with age, we were fantastic together and had a surprising amount in common. I do tend to go for older men though, always have done. DD's dad is 5 years older, my exh is 13 years older (end of my marriage was nothing to do with that age gap either) oh and I also wouldn't bother with Mr Threeweeksago. Your Sunday date sounds good too :o

stay define 'grungey' top? Grinny for you though that you are excited about sassenach and that he seems worthy of excitement :o

hmm describe said top. Probably easier to take a photo! Anyways, its grey, it has a black scene on the front with the shadow of a lady. Laces up at the lower sides. Its a vest top and the back has a stitched/laced pattern thing. Its a casual going out top I guess.

Or I have a dress. Black dress with cream trimmed ruffles from the neck to the hem. Ties behind the back with cream attached belt thing. Not sure if I would be a bit OTT in that though.

I think the top sounds fine :)

yup, I just held crisis talks with a good mate of mine and she said the top too. Okay outfit sorted :)

Shiney When I heard 'grungey top' I was imagining the out of shape 10 year old grey t shirt I have upstairs. Now it wouldn't be my style or choice but thankfully from the description it isn't like my old t shirt and I'm thinking stay will be comfortable and being her true self. Nothing worse than feeling overdone, ott or uncomfortable. So I reckon it will be fine.

Will add actually you've lost weight haven't you? Just be careful it doesn't swamp you or anything in case it's too big.

Its the one top I have that fits properly, I bought it last week :) I will take a photo of it when I get back from school run and put it on my profile.

i tend to think wear what you like.
I have done the whole 'dressing up, attempting to be cool' thing.
Now i just wear things i want to, that i like and dont try and be something that im not.
Im an almost 33 year old ( bit rock chick, or as my sister says ' scruff bag') mum. And thats fine. I would look a tit dressed up like a girl from towie and its just not me.
If some man doesnt want to date me because i dont look like some towie girl, then thats his problem, not mine.

If you want to wear the top with the lace, wear the top with the lace :)
( i doubt men pay ALL that much attention anyway)

Ooh can I join in please? I've recently dipped my toe back in POF after a year or so away...can't say the offerings have improved much. Why so many pictures of men holding enormous fish? Why all the close-ups of their rubbish tattoos? How come hardly any of them can afford a shirt? And why do so many of them have profiles saying things like 'I've been hurt in the past so I need an HONEST TRUTHFUL lady who won't mess me about' and not expect people to run fast in the opposite direction shouting 'ISHOOS! ISHOOS!'

Sigh...

Hi all. I've been internet dating for longer than I care to remember (c.7 years?) and I've had a fair number of dates in that time. In fact I would say that not only have I been a member of probably every dating site in existence but I reckon I've dated most of the guys within a 25 mile radius - some of them have even progressed to a second date!

There is a huge amount of dross out there plus almost every guy lies about something, whether a little white lie or a whopping big fat porkie (usually age and/or build). However, I have heard that women lie as well (would we??!) although I have to admit that I've always told the truth on my profiles on the various sites and putting up recent pics.

My advice? Believe nothing you read. Yep, I've become the most cynical bitch since I've been internet dating and I started to believe that all the single men out there were lying perverted shits who just wanted to get their leg over. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind a one night stand but FFS be honest about it and don't give me all this crap about falling in love with me before you've met me - do I look stupid?!

Anyway, I have met some really nice guys (a small percentage are decent and honest) and I've even had a couple of relationship-type-things. And the current incumbent (18 months) is also a result of internet dating. It can work. Sometimes.

Hello hellsbells yes there are a huge number of poor souls on pof who can't afford a shirt :( bless em

There's a few on okcupid too but nowhere near the same percentage. I find it instantly off putting if they have a shirtless pic or one of their car, or them posing with their car, or even worse a car that isn't even theirs but that they would like to have. Urgh.

Man, I hate those profiles where they say "I'm laid back, fun loving, chilled out guy, but FUCKING CROSS ME BITCHES AND YOU WILL FUCKING DIE"...weirdooooooooooos.

I prefer funny ones, my one is really funny I think, although I think it sends some of them running screaming for their mothers.

I have met a couple of guys from the dating sites (both from POF) and both truned out to be lovely guys, things looked like they were going to be quite serious with one of them. Not sure if this means I am very good and eeking out the lying ones or if it was a fluke. The car pictures are funny, almost tempted to put a pix up on my profile of my dream car just to have a laugh at some of the responses.

The ones that put poem type statements on theor profiles clearly cut and paste and if I get what is an obvious generic message I'll delete straighaway.

Hmmm...... wonders if I'm too picky and thats why I'm still single.