General internet dating support and chit chat thread

[lubeybooby]

Relationships seems the most appropriate place for this I think? Happy to ask for it to be moved if it's maybe better in _chat or something.

Anyway!

Chit chat your dating/internet dating claptrap here!

Also your hints and tips please for dating in the shark pit on the internet

I'll start.

I'm 31, single and rather fed up of it now. Have a few internet dating profiles, am trying to improve my social life and get out more, even looking out for possible additional temp jobs just to be.... 'out there' a bit more.

Even had a go at cosmic ordering which has been cropping up in dating related threads recently. Now I'm a very scientific and cynical kind of person but when it comes to my (currently appalling) love life I will try anything to give it a bit of a boost. Whether that be focusing the mind on the task in hand or strange unknown forces I care not.

i had one last year. he prompty got dumped when he comitted the cardinal sin of turning up one evening with a HOLDALL. and he left his fucking toothbrush on my sink.

honestly, when i say things like that i do wonder why the hell im dating sometimes.

lol

That's all good then watch . It was your 9:57am post I was relating to, where you were feeling downhearted and wondering how you get to meet men who want to see you again. I don't disagree with you on the sex aspect, don't want you thinking I'm a prude!

I was just thinking the same thing about myself watch

watch what's wrong with turning up with a holdall? presuming an overnight stay was already arranged that is....

ah- i still feel downheartedned and have no clue about the answer to that question at all. Thats an entirely seperate issue to the sex though i reckon.

yup watch, perhaps the novelty of being single would have worn off in a few months time. I do know I am not in a rush to jump into anything mega serious for a long long time, the thought of having to answer to someone again at the moment really does not appeal. I got married and had my first baby by 19 and by 24, had four children. Most of my twenties has passed with a whole lot of responsibility, stress and not a whole lot of fun, thanks to having picked a heavy stoner and daily drinker with a violent streak as husband material (the kids are fun!). I want a good long time of letting my hair down when the kids are with their father and I dont have to be in 'mother mode' before I will entertain getting serious with anyone again.

at the holdall!

I still think sex does have something to do with it. The way I see it is you lose nothing by hanging on for a few dates... if he is a decent bloke that would have hung around anyway even if you went for it on a first date, he isn't going to mind waiting at all either.

If he is a big liar just mainly after sex or the type to lose respect after first date sex, then you've avoided being used and discarded by a twat.

lubey - the holdall thing. yeah. well. I felt massivley intruded. My house is my space and i really did not like his things being there, or the assumption he made by turning up with an actual bag. That he left in my hall way.
or the toothbrush. being in my sink.

Overnight stay was not really discussed, but he knew i was childfree. Id of rather he had shagged and gone,than brought a bloody bag.

Freaked me out.
So i dumped him

I think i must see sex different lubey ( no offence meant). I dont think ive been used. Especially if i really enjoyed it, especially if i wanted and CHOSE to. Especially if i make the first move. ( not out of the rhelms of possibilty that)

But i do feel like i need to add a disclaimer and say, since i was seperated 3 years ago i have only slept with 7 men. Which is not all that many when you space it over such a long time.

I think we all view sex differently and there is nothing wrong with that at all. At the stage of life I am at I am not really that bothered about the sex, it's not a priority for me, I don't want casual sex but I would never judge any one who does, it's each to their own. I want to meet someone I feel some connection with which will then hopefully lead to a satisfying sexual relationship. I'm quite enjoying being a born again virgin

Right yes I see well that's well out of order him presuming like that and bringing and dumping stuff in your house!

As for sex, whether you feel used or not - if they shag you and never hear from them again, or only get booty calls/texts from that point then you have at worst been used, or at best had no respect from them. I just think hanging on for a while helps sort the decent from the players/liars... and a bit of build up and anticipation before jumping into bed is nice too. And you've lost nothing by allowing that build up.

In the earlier days of being single it didn't matter to me at all and I wasn't looking for anything serious, but it still annoyed me when they would vanish, just from a lack of respect POV. Then after a couple of years I was up for something a bit more meaningful but still had a habit of first date shagging. Then the messing around and vanishing acts annoyed me all the more. It's not that I was hurt of felt used, it was just knowing I had been used.

Now, since my last relationship which was so, so loving and with masses of respect and care, I don't want to be at it with anyone who isn't thinking of building the dating me into something more, and I'm avoiding 'players' as much as I possibly can. Hence the 'waiting' rule for me which is a new thing since being single again from May this year.

Watch, reading your post I was reminded of something that happened with my ex when we first got together. I left a toothbrush at his and hid a silky nighty in the drawer of his bed. A couple of days later I got up to find he had posted both items through my letter box some time during the night. I should have taken the hint and saved myself years of heartache!

I used to think "sod it, if he is the type to vanish after a shag or be put off or threatened by my sexuality then he isn't the type I want anyway" but now I think I'd rather not be another notch on a players bedpost. It's hard work though....I'm a massively sexual person and avoiding it for a few dates can take so much self control!

very chic shiny, I like it :)

Good luck with P tonight Shiney :o

time- that is harsh. yeah. hindsite is a wonderful thing.

lubey - does it not work the other way round too. As in im using them? I think it does. Or we are both using each other. And if we both are ok with that, then thats fine?

its probably wrong, but that is what i think. Of course, id much prefere something longer term ( says i, who cant tollerate a bag overnight) but i have no problem with casual sex and cant say that ive felt used or have been used despite not feeling that way.. no more than ive used them in any case) Because i could say, i shagged mr friday when i knew straight away i didnt want to date him. had no intentions of dating him. at all. But was more than happy do to do the do with him. And would have been ok with doing it more as well.

Lubey, I am in the same camp as you.

Shiny, I love that dress!! All these dates must cost you an fortune!

Thanks for the advice last night all, gonna make an OK Cupid profile I think. Before I do, can I ask if it has the facility to hide your profile from ?

I would hate someone who recognises me to see me

Ooh just spotted the dress... very nice!

shiney - good luck for tonight ;)

cant wait to hear.
;)

watch I don't think it's wrong, there are no right and wrongs, you do what feels right for you. It's only when it leaves you feeling downhearted and perhaps confused that it may not be the right thing for you.

I agree with you also that it works both ways, women use men for sex too. It's only when you feel disappointed at not having a follow up call that it has become a little bit more.

And yes, it was harsh of my ex and I wish to hell I had seen that at the time!!