General internet dating support and chit chat thread

[lubeybooby]

Relationships seems the most appropriate place for this I think? Happy to ask for it to be moved if it's maybe better in _chat or something.

Anyway!

Chit chat your dating/internet dating claptrap here!

Also your hints and tips please for dating in the shark pit on the internet

I'll start.

I'm 31, single and rather fed up of it now. Have a few internet dating profiles, am trying to improve my social life and get out more, even looking out for possible additional temp jobs just to be.... 'out there' a bit more.

Even had a go at cosmic ordering which has been cropping up in dating related threads recently. Now I'm a very scientific and cynical kind of person but when it comes to my (currently appalling) love life I will try anything to give it a bit of a boost. Whether that be focusing the mind on the task in hand or strange unknown forces I care not.

time - you could not have put that better. that is exacally how i feel.

hey,,,,

Well i am very genuine, straight talking and honest!! I don't believe in covering things up and i like to be as open as possible if someone asks me something.

I am a very chilled person and i like to have a laugh, i have been single 2 years now as i havent clicked with anyone but it would be nice to meet someone to be able to do things with.

i can be a very impulsive person and enjoy instigating random things to do!

Would be lovely to chat and go from there,

Shaun xx

just got sent this - for the 3rd day in a row!!!! i replied to this, saying ' lovely, but i didnt reply the first time so im unlikely to reply the 3rd time... however. you never know and the 525th time i just might!

idiot.
stupid mass emails.

Zany I don't let being single stop me from going anywhere. I am proud of who I am and that includes my status. I look around at couples and all I see are miserable faces, especially when they are trapped in a car together Seeing that makes me appreciate my single life all the more! So, get yourself out there, hold your head up high and smile and be proud of who you are, a happy single woman! I remember when I was trapped in my relationship I used to be so jealous of single women, now I am one I am making the most of it!

Right. Given that I'm an old fart living at the opposite end of the planet and you girls have let me follow your stories let me give you a male perspective. I can only speak for myself as a 54 year old Australian bloke, and of course we blokes do not discuss sex except maybe a convo with a close mate along the lines of:
A: "Met that chick from the dating site last Saturday night"
B: "cool - looker?"
A: "Maaaate!"
B: "get a root?"
A: "yeah - course"
B: "onya"
A: "So what about Collingwood for the grand final Saturday?" or "Ya reckon Lowndsie'll do ok at Bathurst?"
so the conversation goes to more important matters like the Australian Football League Grand final this coming weekend, or perhaps the annual Bathurst 1000 V8 Supercar race in a few weeks time. Things that actually matter. And of course B probably did not get a root. The only thing blokes are worse at than talking about sex and emotions is dealing with sex and emotions.

Back to my point. My aim is to meet someone with a view to a relationship. I meet someone online. Have a few chats. Maybe a phonecall or two. From there I decide if there's any point in meeting in real life. Some women just want the dating experience and have no intention of a friendship or relationship. So we meet for a drink, get on ok but no real connection, so after an hour or so we make excuses and go our separate ways. Or we meet for the drink, get on ok and have few laughs, some flirting, maybe some touching of hands etc., maybe a few kisses, we talk about seeing each other again. Let's say she is making it fairly obvious that sex is on the table. I have to decide if I do want something ongoing, in which case that night is going to hopefully be the start of a relationship so I'd be a fool to not go with the flow, or if it's just going to be a case of "one you miss out on is one you'll never catch up on" for both of us, she's up for it, we're all adults here so let's go for it. I don't consider myself a player and I have no intention to make anyone feel bad (sex is supposed to be the exact opposite surely?) but if a pretty woman makes me an offer I can't refuse I'd be a mug to say no. I'm old enough to have seen Fatal Attraction a few times and met my share of crazies so a lot of the time I make an excuse and back off because it feels like she's got more invested in it than I have and what she put on the table as "just sex 'cos I like you" was probably "if I jump your bones tonight you might want to fall in love with me".

could that be one of the cut and paste messages that some of them send?

The thing is with dating sites is that you join looking for a particular man, you know what you want when you sign up but, by the time a few weeks have passed and you have had little or no interest or you have been hit on by mainly idiots, there is a tendency to let your standards slip and you find yourself accommodating little flaws that a few weeks previously you wouldn't given the time of day to! This is where the trouble begins! You have to remain firm, do not settle for anything less than you are looking for or feel you deserve or you are in danger of becoming a serial dater and getting more and more pissed off that you are not meeting 'The One', when in fact, by dating guys you have lowered your standards for you are actually setting yourself up for a fall.

Having no dates at all is far less demoralising than having 100 'wrong' ones.

This is only my theory of course

Time I was jealous of single women too when I was married. After nearly five years of singledom though, and having in my last relationship (which ended this year) got to the point where he was just about to move in, I do feel ready for at least a proper boyfriend, and I've got over not wanting to have anyone live with me. Long as they are bloody stonkingly amazing and tick all the boxes the right person, I'm up for that. Like I said though no disaster if it doesn't happen any time soon. Every day I remain single I make the most of hogging the bed, and the remote, doing whatever I like, etc.

I've really appreciated being single extra lots with having this cold. Much as it would be nice to be looked after, I really prefer just slobbing out with lemsip and vaseline on my nose, looking a complete mess and not worrying even slightly about it.

So, PoppaRob are you saying that you would cover all bases by having sex? You have sex just in case it leads to a deep and meaningful relationship and you also have sex just in case there is a chance it won't lead to a deep and meaningful relationship?

I'm not adverse to the 'proper boyfriend' or the long term thing, that would be nice and to be honest is what I am looking for BUT, I am not at the living together stage yet no matter how many of the boxes he ticks! But, in my defence, I have only been single for 19 months and have formed a very deep attachment to the remote control, sleeping star shape in bed and being able to blob out whenever I feel like it. Even your description of your slobbing out with your cold gives me a warm glow

Also time that's true.. that does happen. But I catch myself at it and realise I'm letting the standards slip. However I'm also careful not to let potentially good ones slip the net that are brilliant but in a different way to what my original idea was ... eg The kind of man I have in mind is probably more the businessman type... BUT my best friend from school is in an amazing relationship with a builder that can't spell for toffee and has no idea what grammar is. However he has built them an amazing house and is also talented and creative with making furniture. He is an excellent hand on dad to their little dd and all round romantic good guy and likeable chap. And he is knicker meltingly good looking :o I try and keep an eye out for similar decent types and not be too dismissive on first appearances. Trying to sort the good but different from the crap and different while also keeping an eye out for Mr perfect. It is exhausting isn't it!

I knew this would get complex! :)
If I meet someone and they appear to be someone I'd consider a relationship with I'm not going to knock back sex just so we can say we waited for some arbitrary number of dates. If we both feel the attraction and urge why not go for it. It might be the start of something great.
On the other hand if she's not necessarily someone I'd want a relationship with but it's apparent that she wouldn't mind a no strings attached shag of course I'd take up the offer.

Ahh, so the simple answer is..... YES!

i agree with popparob i think. if the evening is getting a bit flirty and its on the cards and i fancy them, then sure as hell im going to.

it could be the start of something ( and heck, that was how my marriage started) OR it could just be a one night thing. you kind of dont know, and i doubt most of the time the other person always knows themselves.

Nothing wrong with covering all bases, very responsible!

Time - I relate a lot to what you are saying re being single and enjoying it. I was married for 7 years and was so stifled. I separated nearly four months ago and have made so many new friends, had so much fun...its been amazing. I love the being able to slob about in my cow pyjamas and not shave my legs for days on end. I love watching whatever I want on tv and hogging the whole couch. I love doing the starfish in bed! Single life can be really really great! I think quite a few women feel they 'need' a man which is a shame.

That said I have only been single 4 months and am now getting involved again, but to be fair its the best of both worlds...long distance relationship...all week to be slummy and do whatever I want...weekends for making myself pretty, doing the couple thing and shagging

I think that's absolutely fine too watch if that is what you are after, ok with and you won't be disappointed or disheartened if you don't receive a call afterwards

This is what I meant about making a definite decision as to what you are looking for, if there is a possibility that you will be gutted and take it personally if you don't get a call afterwards then maybe that's the guy not to sleep with.

Am I making sense?

I remember this! No right answer... in the shit regardless... wondering why I tried to explain my prespective... should have said nothing... it's coming back to me... the answer is... "Yes dear."

If the woman is at least mildly attractive and doesn't seem too desperate or a bunny boiler then yes, if the offer were to be made then I'd most probably take it up.

stay your's is the perfect set up imo Best of both Worlds indeed!

I love not having to shave my legs and other bits. When I was first single I made a conscious decision NOT to do it! Blocked the plug hole I did when I first took a razor to it all after many months abstinence

I was only having a laugh with you PoppaRob I thought the would be an indicator of that??

I'm not saying that having sex is wrong, not at all. I was trying to help watch out in her plight to find a 'stayer'. Covering all bases is absolutely fine if you are prepared for and not going to be upset by not being contacted for a repeat performance. That is all.

And I was trying to do the same in my reply, time, so we're good. The sad thing is that as I was typing my reply all those feelings of being in a bad relationship with a woman with PMS were coming back, and that's no reflection on you in any way!

Poppa :o where have you got the idea that you're 'in the shit' you are not being told off you know

I think your right Stay that alot of women feel that they need a man. I am hoping that I am different in that I want a man in my life but I don't need him. I am fine doing DIY, gardening, car stuff. If I want a cuddle I have 2 lovely DC's and a dog, if I want sex I have a FWB with whom the sex is amazing with. I want someone to care if I have had a good/bad day and to go out for meals etc, just as long as I get plenty of time with just me and my DC's.

I think I get what you mean Poppa and I guess in summary we shouldn't see sex at the end o the night to mean that things went well just that you were both up for it. If he calls after and not only arranges a 2nd/3rd date but turns up then that means the first date went well.

It's ok. It is! I promise!

I think I would like a FWB.

Ditto. It would definitely take the edge off every now and then.

time- im not that bothered by the lack of take up after a shag. i had already decided friday night man was not relationship material. i was only disapointed that another shag like that wasnt going to happen. because, he was right, it probably was the best of my life.
i do agree with poppa - and if its there, im goin gto take it ( so long as i dont think i will regret it. ) if ive chosen the shag someone its very very very rare ive ever regretted it.
stay - bless you. you have been single for no time :)