General internet dating support and chit chat thread

[lubeybooby]

Relationships seems the most appropriate place for this I think? Happy to ask for it to be moved if it's maybe better in _chat or something.

Anyway!

Chit chat your dating/internet dating claptrap here!

Also your hints and tips please for dating in the shark pit on the internet

I'll start.

I'm 31, single and rather fed up of it now. Have a few internet dating profiles, am trying to improve my social life and get out more, even looking out for possible additional temp jobs just to be.... 'out there' a bit more.

Even had a go at cosmic ordering which has been cropping up in dating related threads recently. Now I'm a very scientific and cynical kind of person but when it comes to my (currently appalling) love life I will try anything to give it a bit of a boost. Whether that be focusing the mind on the task in hand or strange unknown forces I care not.

You sound really downhearted watch. The guy was a fricking idiot. It just goes to show, as said earlier, some people online can come across as really great but in person its a different story. I will have a look at your profile, pm me please :)

Lubey, dont overly worry yet. There could be a reason he hasnt text. I hope so as he sounded a nice guy.

Welcome Icemaiden, tell your story!

Making notes here: Add Jaegermeister and rum to shopping list on the off chance I stumble upon a thirsty gorgeous woman.

watch, I know you're only 32 and you're looking for something a bit meaningful and lasting, but you've had more sex in the past few months than I have in the past couple of years. It's hardly a drought girl!

yup, I think perhaps on the quest to find something meaningful and lasting, maybe leave alcohol and sex off the list for a couple of dates. Hard to do I know, I have always been a bit of a one for hopping into bed early on in (one of those types of people that think you may as well see if the sex is any good than spend months getting to know someone and discovering you are pretty incompatible in the bedroom!) but I think it doesnt send over the right message.

i am bloody downheartened.

Truth be told it wasnt that i was expecting a lot from him, i KNEW i had pretty much nothing in common with him, hes on his facebook calling people 'G' for gods sake.

I just dont get how relationships happen anymore. Like, how on earth you ever meet anyone who you want to see again.

It just feels like a whole lot of effort for little or no return.

Ive been on my own for damn ages. And i do mean ages, like 3 years.

Poppa, it is a sex drought. Its pretty awful. I could have sex lots and lots of times a day. ( proir to mr blonde it had been about 9 months)

yeah - but i kind of work the other way, that in if i want sex, i want it, its not do to with 'giving it to them in the hope of a relationship' but more to do with not getting much sex, so getting it while i can.
lol

plus sexual chemistry is really important to me.

You just keep looking watch. If you are feeling down at the moment, it might be worth taking a break for the moment though, spend some time with friends, do a little retail therapy, whatever makes you feel good. Bit of self love you know?! (in the non sexual sense!)

Yup it is to me too watch and like you, I have a pretty high sex drive! Hence breaking the no sex rule on a first date with S the weekend just past. However I still think it can and does send out the wrong message to guys, which may make them not interested in a relationship but just someone to play for a while.

then they are idiots too. Its 2011 and i dont think id want to be with a man that had that attitude either.

Though to be fair, i dont think having sex with someone or not having sex with someone changes the outcome much. Either they were interested in something more or they werent.

I can see in half my summer dates the reason why nothing more happened wasnt because of me, but because of the places the men where at, one being in love with somone who didnt want him, one who had just 2 weeks previously split up with his girlfriend with whom he lived with. Noone of this info was avaliable to me until after the date. They were less than honest, but there is no way of knowing that. Even the guy from friday lied. His profile said non smoking and single, turns out he smokes like a trooper ( rollies as well) and got divorced in march.
Obviously people lie in profiles, so you take them with a pinch of salt ( hence the me not beliveing whats written in my profile makes any difference) but you know, you just cant instantally tell if people are lying.

Hi all...can I join the party? I'm de-lurking as I'm 'back on the road' after a 10 month relationship with a guy I met on badMatch. I spent most of that 10 months trying to suss him out. He said he was shy (which was cute for all of 5 minutes) and had anxiety/depression issues but to cut a long story short it turned out he had Asperger's. Just not something I could cope with (much as I loved him) as it was really hard work to communicate...so I ended it to be fair to us both.

So here I am at 41, back to the drawing board and wondering whether I should dip my toe nail back into those perve shark infested online dating waters again...hmmm...!

Shiney I missed this post of yours " ^ ok, so mr third date has asked me out on friday.. he is coming to mine and cooking for me ...

so thats four men in the next four days... it has just occurred to me - IM the red flag here arent it???^ "

Big grin at that.. hahaa!

Watch... if you have anyone to yours, thats fine (I used to do the same thing with RL dates when my dd was tiny) but don't go for the film option and don't have the telly even on. Then there's no option but to talk. I used to put the radio on for a bit of atmos and just have a cuppa and a chat. But yes, the better option is when you have childcare and can go out properly. It's a PITA waiting til you have available time but will make for better dates.

I would also say, reading the history... don't shag them early on. Not til they have made some effort and you know they are definitely single and you're not about to get one of those 'actually I've just split up with my gf' kind of texts. Sorry if that sounds preachy, it's just what I do having been through all the same kinds of things and wanting to avoid them. Waiting a while is no guarantee, but at least you don't feel shit when it goes tits up and I do think there are plenty who totally lose respect when it happens on a first or second date. Maybe not conciously but they do. I used to think exactly the same - if I want sex, i want it, i'm not 'giving in' or giving it up' but I love knowing that if things don't work out, it wasn't because I went for it too early, and I like not feeling used and like shit.

I do think profiles matter too - the more decent bloke will read it properly. I've had some great dates and conversations because of mine.

Hello blobchob and welcome, more the merrier!

stay I just think that because he was anxious to know if he had left his wallet at work or if it was lost, and was talking to me about it, and our date kind of depended on the outcome - that he would have confirmed either way by now... I'm not giving up totally but i don't think it's a good sign. I'm sure he would reply if I messaged him, but I made the first move intially and I want him to want to talk to me... iyswim.

Thursday date has just cancelled til next week. he double booked with a work do apparently. I don't believe him as he went to one just last week as well, but hey ho benefit of the doubt (for now)

lubey - you are probably right. only thing being with mr blonde and mr 3 weeks ago, was that we had spent an AGE chatting first, online and on the phone and texts too. Like 2 months talking. So i kind of thought i should have known if that was the case re the girlfriends and whatever. Both of them had said they were interested in a relationship and actually both of them had made plans with me already, for after the date.

Yep watch been there done that too... I think these things are better judged in person rather than with online talking. It's easy to be all talk online, not so easy in person when the other person can see your face and body language etc. I far prefer having just a bit of chatting and meeting sooner rather than talking for ages then meeting. Just a personal preference really. I don't do msn or any messenger anymore either to avoid too much online talking, preferring to save the topics for face to face date talking.

yeah, see, thats what the coffee dates were a result of. me thinking i had been doing too much talking and should just meet up quicker. So i did, only to find we had literally nothing in common at all.

So i go back to talking longer... same thing happens, results in a knee jerk date of a quick meet coffee which goes awfully... and repeat. for 2 years.

Hi Icemaiden and Blob

Sorry to hear you had a bad date Watch, it sounded so promising aswell seen as you hand got on really well online etc. Looking at some of the other dates you had that went wrong there really doesn't seem to be any redflags before the date - maybe you were just unfortunatel enough to meet few guys who seemed promising but who had issues etc that they kept well hidden. I don't usually sleep with someone until quite a few weeks in, not so much because I am worried about how they will think about me afterwards but more that I can't stand the awkeardness and the wondering if they will call afterwards or not

I've been chatting to Mr Body loads on line but a bit apprehensive now as its clear that a connection online is completely different to one face to face. Really nervous about Saturday as I like him already

Hi all, I've been lurking for a while but de-lurking to try and offer watch a teeny bit of advice I would say, make a definite decision as to what it is you are looking for. If casual sex/relationships suit you just fine at the moment then ok, continue as you are but, if you are really looking for something more meaningful then perhaps be more selective in who you date, don't have sex so soon, invest a bit of time in getting to know them first, give them a reason to want to get to know more about you too . You need quality not quantity!

I'm on Okcupid having given up on POF after only attracting 'strange' men. I am actually very happy being single so am being very selective in who I interact with. To be honest I'm not even sure I can be bothered with all this dating lark, I'm living it all through this thread and it's bloody exhausting!

watch hmm maybe you have just been unfortunate so far then if you've tried both ways. I do prefer to meet early though and know from the off that it's not going to work, rather than investing ages in talking online only for it to end up crap.

zany don't worry too much, yes it's different face to face but all has seemed positive so far. I have had it happen to me that it just isn't 'there' in the flesh, but not all the time!

timeformeisfree hello! Yep I understand that very much. I'm selective too for the same reasons. Just recently decided I do miss being in a relationship so trying to make more effort online as well as with RL. It's not going to be any disaster though if I just keep getting nowhere fast due to mostly being happy single.

Zany - yes it is different face to face but it doesnt mean there is anything to be worrying about. Just be yourself. When I met S for the first time, I was feeling pretty nervous. I do have a wee bit of an online persona, in that no matter what is going on in my life, I am always chirpy and full of nonsense. In real life its not always so easy to hide! I also worried he might be the same and we would end up having to be sat next to each other on laptops or mobiles just to get the crack but as it was, things worked out. It wasnt really worth all the worry. Just wait and see!

thanks timeforme - i think thats half the problem really. im not entirely sure what im after. Sometimes i think some kind of relationship would be nice, and then i think that that isnt what i want at all, and something more casual is more sutiable.
lubey - i may have just been unlucky. OR they may just be a whole lot of men online dating who have issues that they should deal with before chasing after a girl ( because, they did chase).

My sentiments exactly lubey. I think being happily single makes me feel I can afford to take my time and wait for the right man, if he ever appears, all well and good but if he never does I'm not all that bothered either.

I am finding though that men around my age group (46) are looking for a woman to settle down with, to live with, whereas I am not. I've not seen many men in that age bracket looking for casual sex either, they want the works! I'm all for having 'the works' as long as he remains living in his own house!

zany- you can never tell. you could natter for ages and it all go wrong, or meet quickly and it equally all goes wrong. OR, it could all go fantastic.
Deep breath and just go for it.

timeforme - the age group thing. maybe that has a bearing on it. Im looking at the 30's -35's. Seems they fall into two catergories, the losers that have always been single ( and single becaue there is a reason for that) and the ones that have just recently seperated and are not after anything more than something very casual.

Im mostly happy being single. Birthdays and xmas or big family event things are a not nice reminder though. Its my birthday friday. meh.

Maybe watch there are a lot of guys out there who are feeling and thinking just the same way as us, they think they want a relationship but when it actually comes to it they don't.

I think I am quite selfish in what I want but I don't care I don't want the pressures or the restrictions of a relationship, I don't want any many demands putting on me or my time, I want someone who will enhance my life not make or attempt to make changes to it. My DD is my priority so there are only certain times/days that I am available so he will have to understand that. I want to meet a like minded person who feels the same way as I do, that it is possible to have a fulfilling relationship without living under the same roof, because I cannot imagine ever wanting to live with a man ever again. But, from reading profiles on POF and Cupid it seems most men my age are looking for a bed to park their slippers under so, I may be single a very long time

I think you are right about the age group thing watch. I do get hit on by blokes in their 20's and 30's and to be honest they are the one's with more spark and more interesting than the guys in my own age group. If I was after casual sex I wouldn't be going short! The older guys make it pretty clear early on what they are looking for, i.e long term love/marriage and once I let them know I am not looking for that they either stop contact or try to convince me that once I meet them I will change my mind But I won't, I know what I want and what I don't want!

I am sure you will have a wonderful birthday watch, with or without a man!!

I know what you mean Watch about big events, I am fine being single doing all the 'men' jobs around the house etc but its Saturday night when I don't have the kids and social events that are full of couples. In fact I am going to one next week, as the only single woman and gues who else is going....my ex husband with his latest girlfriend. Also my family is bit but again I am the only single one.

Time, I have noticed now that I like more 'Me' time and I don't want a relationship where you live in each others pockets, sometimes men say they understand this but in reality not found this to be true.