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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

General internet dating support and chit chat thread

988 replies

lubeybooby · 19/09/2011 22:15

Relationships seems the most appropriate place for this I think? Happy to ask for it to be moved if it's maybe better in _chat or something.

Anyway!

Chit chat your dating/internet dating claptrap here!

Also your hints and tips please for dating in the shark pit on the internet

I'll start.

I'm 31, single and rather fed up of it now. Have a few internet dating profiles, am trying to improve my social life and get out more, even looking out for possible additional temp jobs just to be.... 'out there' a bit more.

Even had a go at cosmic ordering which has been cropping up in dating related threads recently. Now I'm a very scientific and cynical kind of person but when it comes to my (currently appalling) love life I will try anything to give it a bit of a boost. Whether that be focusing the mind on the task in hand or strange unknown forces I care not.

OP posts:

AbsOfSteel · 26/09/2011 20:48

Right, wtf is cosmic ordering?!?!

And you can go on about men, but POF is home to a collection of the scariest, weirdest, screeching women I have ever had the misfortune of communicating with.

I once had 12 messages off a Scottish woman with a moustache that said she wanted to stick her fingers up my bum and got steadily more angry why I'd need not replied.

Id not even been online FFS. Are allndating sites that bad?

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 26/09/2011 20:49

Zany I think I might just have He even apologised at the end for writing an essay, it ran to four short paragraphs. He's training to be a barrister and owns his own bar/restaurant. There is one possibly slight problem though....he's only 24

Oh, how long has been there?

Original poster

lubeybooby · 26/09/2011 20:52

Abs I have no doubt the female equivalents to the mens profiles talked about here are out there in force on pof...

I think Mr Friday is setting up a story to cancel our date with. Just got a feeling from a message he just sent.

OP posts:

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 26/09/2011 20:53

Oh, lubey I hope not.

Agree about the POF though, scary people of both sexes.

Hatesponge · 26/09/2011 20:58

Lubey :( hope he doesnt cancel. What makes you think he might?

Friend has revamped my POF profile to make it (in her words) less exclusive . However, it appears to have made no difference to (lack of) quality of men contacting me. Ugly, illiterate weirdos to a man.

I honestly don't think I will ever get a date (with anyone I wouldn't be embarassed or scared to be seen in public with) on POF. Or possibly ever again given that my experience on Match was a similar dating dead end!

AbsOfSteel · 26/09/2011 21:02

So what would you girls like to see from an opening message?

Hatesponge · 26/09/2011 21:15

Anything other than a totally generic hello how are you/you're gorgeous (inevitably spelt wrong)/other lame compliment.

For me it doesnt have to be an essay, couple of lines is enough. Just a short message that shows you have read my profile, and seen something in it that you like or want to comment on. It's important that messages are personal, about something specific to me, rather than the same email that has been sent to another 20 girls (as in the generic type above!)

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 26/09/2011 21:18

Something more than "hi am phil" would be good. I'm having to sit on my hands not to reply to that with "That's nice for you."

Now the one I mentioned above started of with "hi, how are you? just saw your profile so thought i would send you a message and see if you were interested or wanted to chat?!"

Then he described himself a little, followed by a bit on what he was looking for. He finished it by saying it would be nice to hear back from me but if not good luck.

It was a nicely worded, quite informative message. Polite, respectful, no insinuations/innuendo and he made an effort to type something.

AbsOfSteel · 26/09/2011 21:24

You see, I would be tempted to write something what I thought was witty judging on what I'd gathered from their profile for instance in hate sponge case I might put something

Just wanted to ask you....

What has sponge ever done to you??

And then take it from there.

Does that suck?!?

Original poster

lubeybooby · 26/09/2011 21:25

I dunno, he just seems a bit down and is going on about having lost his wallet. It seems like he isn't sure about cancelling yet but is setting up a story in case he does want to. I dunno maybe I'm overthinking having been here many a time before. His last relationship didn't end that long ago too, so I'm on high alert for flaky behaviour.

Abs - what hatesponge said. I like a first message that gives me something to reply to, something conversational and cheery. Be it about something on my profile or just showing a bit of thought and intuition has been used.

I always send a decent message with thought behind it if I message a guy first... the thing is not to be bitter about not getting replies. I do the decent message each time but it doesn't guarantee a reply, far from it, it just means that if they do respond you hopefully won't have the dullsville generic dating conversation of:

Him: Hi how are you?
Me: Ok thanks, busy day but sat down with a cuppa now
Him: Oh nice yeah same here

etc etc etc...zzzzzzzzz

OP posts:

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 26/09/2011 21:31

Tbh Abs that appeals to my sense of humour but I can't speak for everyone.

Zanywany · 26/09/2011 21:31

I like it when a guy says if you dont reply then good luck in your search - kind of takes the pressure off although a cynic male friend says that this is what they do to get your barriers down

AbsOfSteel · 26/09/2011 21:38

Yeah that's playing the guilt card, I can see a few gullible ones going for that :o

I'm going keep doing it my way anyway I guess, it must make a change at least from all the hi how are yous.

Original poster

lubeybooby · 26/09/2011 21:41

I no longer reply when I'm not interested, and I don't expect a 'no thanks' if someone isn't interested in me. It's uncomfortable and time consuming, and you always get those ones who say 'no worries if not interested/good luck with your search' etc but then when you do send a polite 'no thank you' they start messaging asking why. I'm always tempted to reply again asking if they actually WANT a total character assassination? I don't though :o

OP posts:

Makeyerowndamndinner · 26/09/2011 21:49

Yes I used to have a policy of replying to everyone, even if it was just to say thank you for taking the time to write but I don't feel we're a good match, good luck e.c.t.

Now I don't bother. It's too time consuming, and, I dunno, a tad patronising maybe? I'm not sure - I used to think it was the polite thing to do. Anyway, the fact is I can no longer be arsed.

charlottesmum5 · 26/09/2011 21:50

I hate reading profiles that say they want you to say 'no thanks' if you're not interested...ffs, surely if I don't reply to your pathetic message then its obvious I'm not interested!!!

stayforthekids1 · 26/09/2011 21:52

For me, when I was on POF, the ones I replied to had good grammar, were not cheesy but funny and light hearted...with a couple of interesting questions other than, whats your favourite film? The messages I felt they had put a bit of thought into and not just banged one out. I know people can be shy, but I am not and shy messages didn't make me feel inclined to reply. But all this is specific to me I guess! It does work both ways though. I always made sure I replied in the same way I wanted to be messaged. With a question or two to keep the conversation going and a bit of wit.

Lubey, hopefully not, fingers crossed!

AbsOfSteel · 26/09/2011 21:53

Blokes actually have that?

And they wonder why they're on a dating site.

They just need validation of some sort I guess

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 26/09/2011 21:54

I used to reply until one time on OKCupid when I did and got a barrage of abuse back.

I replied telling him he was pathetic and then blocked him...idiot.

Zanywany · 26/09/2011 22:05

Right I have brought up the heigh thing with Mr Body and he is cool with it, but now said he has a hairu chest. Ah. Anyway I am getting on really well online so giving it a chance

stayforthekids1 · 26/09/2011 22:19

whats wrong with a hairy chest?! I love a hairy chest. wanders off to dream about S's hairy chest...in fact wanders into a very cold shower muhahaha

I would cry into my high heels too though. I am the same height as S in my heels. Thank god, I really dont know if I could sacrifice them

stayforthekids1 · 26/09/2011 22:19

oh bold. oops!

Original poster

lubeybooby · 26/09/2011 22:20

Oh crap I just already sent it before consulting the MN jury.

We have just been chatting and he said he was really looking forward to Friday but added in brackets 'as long as my wallet turns up'

I was going to ask... shall I say I'm happy to pick up the bill presuming he can get here? (cos I am happy to and would have been paying or at least offering half anyway)

But it's too late... I already sent it. I'm now worrying that he will have to come up with something more elborate to get out of it if he doesn't want to, will it seem... errr... patronising/emasculating (he seems a rather traditional type) and all that... arrrghhhhhhhhhhhh

OP posts:

stayforthekids1 · 26/09/2011 22:22

nah dont stress lubey. If you had genuinely lost your wallet...would you hope he might offer to foot the bill (to show he was at least that interested?) just dont push the issue now. There is really any number of excuses he could come up with. Wait and see what he comes back with.

Original poster

lubeybooby · 26/09/2011 22:26

Ok well he is still online so hopefully he will reply tonight. Oh... there it is now he just did. off to read....

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