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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

General internet dating support and chit chat thread

988 replies

lubeybooby · 19/09/2011 22:15

Relationships seems the most appropriate place for this I think? Happy to ask for it to be moved if it's maybe better in _chat or something.

Anyway!

Chit chat your dating/internet dating claptrap here!

Also your hints and tips please for dating in the shark pit on the internet

I'll start.

I'm 31, single and rather fed up of it now. Have a few internet dating profiles, am trying to improve my social life and get out more, even looking out for possible additional temp jobs just to be.... 'out there' a bit more.

Even had a go at cosmic ordering which has been cropping up in dating related threads recently. Now I'm a very scientific and cynical kind of person but when it comes to my (currently appalling) love life I will try anything to give it a bit of a boost. Whether that be focusing the mind on the task in hand or strange unknown forces I care not.

OP posts:

Zanywany · 26/09/2011 14:13

Shiney if he is telling the truth then do you want to see/date someone who thinks its OK to not contact for days on end. My ex was like this, never had any credit so very rarely texted me to called and I felt that I was doing the running around all the time. I know he loved me to bits bit at the end of the day it was one on the many things that I realised I didn't want in a relationship for whatever reason.

Regarding the height issue - your the same height lying down

Makeyourown not pathetic at all, there is obviously some chemistry/connection for you to both still be in touch all this time. Maybe lay yuor cards on the table a bit and suggest you meet up as its the only way you will see how you are in real life.

Zanywany · 26/09/2011 14:14

Definately still lurk/post Stay

Makeyerowndamndinner · 26/09/2011 14:41

Hi Stay and Zanywany. I have not said explicitly that I would be up for a fling, in fact I have said that I'm not really interested in casual sex. I'm not, I mean certainly not for just one night, although I may be interested in a mutually enjoyable short-term relationship...

I have said though that I think meeting up is just meeting up, not a commitment, and that I would just really like to see whether our online chemistry translates to real life. He will go along with it too (and be quite flirty and attentive) and then suddenly back out at the last minute, often by just not replying and 'disappearing'. Then next thing I know he's looking at my profile again.

My charitable side likes to think that he would like to meet me but realistically does not see a long term future for us and so would prefer not to risk either of us getting hurt, my less charitable side fears he's just playing with me and using me for an ego boost.

PoppaRob · 26/09/2011 14:48

We guys don't play with women for an ego boost. We either want a relationship, or we want sex, or sometimes we're not sure so best not to take the risk of stuffing things up. Life would be so much easier if women would take the lead sometimes.

stayforthekids1 · 26/09/2011 15:05

I think make has taken the lead, tried to organise meet ups and so on. Make, just ultimatum him, meet me or stop messaging me. Thats what you are on a dating site for isnt it, to meet someone and whilst you are interested in him, you may be missing out on other chaps! Hard when you feel chemistry there, but its online. And it could be one sided.

Original poster

lubeybooby · 26/09/2011 15:13

Oh this date tomorrow had better be worth trying to 'sweat it out' for. Urrrgghhhhhhhh.

I think it seems like make did take the lead there as well. he has had plenty of opportunity it seems...

OP posts:

PoppaRob · 26/09/2011 15:21

Poor Lubey. If all else fails come and enjoy our Aussie summer with me! Who needs work, money, stability or commonsense! :)

Original poster

lubeybooby · 26/09/2011 15:31

I've just put an extra five lines on the lotto Poppa :o

OP posts:

PoppaRob · 26/09/2011 15:35

Hehehe! Sounds like a good plan Lubey. Maybe not bankable but it is a move in the right direction! :)

HairyGrotter · 26/09/2011 15:36

I'd leave it be Makeyourown although I know that chemistry feeling oh so well!

Hope you're better for tomorrow Lubey poor sod :(

I've been sat here IM'ing a super hot guy since 11am on OKCupid! SQUEAL

Makeyerowndamndinner · 26/09/2011 16:14

Thanks for the kind words people - yes I know in my heart that it's in my own best interests to let it go, I have given him plenty of opportunities...

Lubey Day and Night nurse are both very good, for helping you to get better and sleep, and also for if you're still feeling a bit crummy on your date and still decide you want to go. Take some day nurse half an hour before you leave and you'll be ok for a few hours. Not night nurse for your date as it makes you drowsy.

Makeyerowndamndinner · 26/09/2011 16:22

I've just received a new message from a Dutch guy living in Lancashire. Hmmm it's another one of those, where you look at the profile and think, 'weeellll they sort of look alright but nah....

He wrote that as I was undoubtedly inundated with messages, he supposed he may as well 'add to my misery by sending me one more'

How wrong can one man be!

stayforthekids1 · 26/09/2011 16:39

Before I take down my POF profile some of the messages I received:

"hey how ut the day"

"Hey, it's just a quick message to say "Hi, how are you?""

"hey how are you today?I was just having a look at ure profile and would like to no if you fancy having a chat x"

"Haha, just gotta say.. EXCELLENT profile. Nice to see something fresh like that on here, kinda puts mines to shame tho...hmm ok thinking about it now you're profile is terrible for making mine look puny :p

Anyway, seems we share some similar intersts (excluding dressing up as a female police officers ofcourse, I much prefer the nurse outfit to show off my legs) so thought I'd get in touch"

"Hey,

How are you? Have to say your profile is quite possibly one of the funniest ive come across. Brilliant stuff.haha

No one on POF can spell or has any concept of grammar. See what I mean about the 'hi, how are you?' messages? So non original and dull. I didn't reply to any of them because I am mean a fussy mare evidentally! Goodbye POF!

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 26/09/2011 16:53

FFS why couldn't I meet a super hot guy on OKCupid

charlottesmum5 I'm 5ft 6in (or 5ft 6.6 if you believe the Boots weighing machine) so 5ft 10in is only an extra 4ins. Glad you sorted out warty guy :)

Shiney, I'm terrible for forgetting to charge my mobile, especially the one I have atm as the battery doesn't last long. However, when I'm texting someone that I've 'met' on a dating site then I take extra care to make sure that I have the mobile charged and with me. If I can do that then so can he.

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 26/09/2011 16:57

"No one on POF can spell or has any concept of grammar. See what I mean about the 'hi, how are you?' messages? So non original and dull. I didn't reply to any of them because I am mean a fussy mare evidentally! Goodbye POF!"

I'm finding the same on Smooch too which is another thing that is putting me off. I have in my profile a sentence asking not to be contacted using text speech, or else I won't reply.

The amount of emails I've had using text speech. WTF!! Do they not read the profile before contacting or do they think that they're so good looking that I'll be panting over them, ready to drop my knickers, and will overlook the fact that they're doing to one thing I ask them not to.

Zanywany · 26/09/2011 19:16

Its when they send a message that just says 'Hi' or 'Hi Sexy' that annoys me, at least say something. If I message someone first I usually mention something that I have seen on their profile that I like.

MadameDefarge · 26/09/2011 19:18

"Things people notice about me....my eyes"

No, Andy love, they notice you are the fat bastard standing beside a dalek,

Zanywany · 26/09/2011 19:18

Or when they dont have a picture. Look aren't everything although they really are but I would like to think there is a chance of fancying them before I send ages replying etc

AKissIsNotAContract · 26/09/2011 19:37

Zany: you were saying earlier about the ones who say they are faithful/loyal. I always found the ones who put 'honest/faithful/loyal were always the biggest bullshitters/probably married.

HairyGrotter · 26/09/2011 19:41

I just choked on a bit of cold roast potato at Madam's post. So so true.

Well, Mr IM and I were chatting all day, well 11 to 5 as I had to collect my daughter from nursery and do the bedtime stuff etc. He's funny, smart, good looking, bit damaged from his previous relationship, which is the only down point...I will push for a meet soon lol

RumourOfAHurricane · 26/09/2011 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 26/09/2011 20:11

OMFG!!!

I moved my don't contact me in text speak from 'my profile' bit to the 'what I'm looking for in a guy' bit. It seems to have worked. Just logged back onto Smooch and have had a message from a man who not only didn't type in text speak but managed to send a message that said something more than "Hi, how are you?"

If I wasn't already sitting down, I'd have to

Zanywany · 26/09/2011 20:28

Chaotic think you've found the best of the bunch on there . Although saying that I had a few ahem dates witha guy I met on smooch last year, he was clear that he didn't want a relationship but he was just so good looking I was hoping I could convert him . Anyway my point is he was good looking and a really brilliant guy but we just didnt click

HairyGrotter · 26/09/2011 20:33

He's only mentioned that his last relationship ended amicably but he was sad at how it ended. I'll push for more details!

Original poster

lubeybooby · 26/09/2011 20:34

Hairy what's he saying to appear... damaged?

Chaotic

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