It's official. ALL men are bastards.

[lifeisbetter]

...apart from my dad.

They really are.

For a long time I lhave ooked at their positive sides, but all men will turn out to be bastards in the end.

Sometimes men can be quite nice I suppose - especially the younger ones, who are not yet tarnished by some degree of masogyny and cannot perve over of women twenty years their junior.

What happens to them when they reach 35? They all turn out to be sad little leacherous fools.

It's their fault that the divide between men and women just gets bigger as we all get older. Because they don't mature. Women improve and men just become gross.

I'm finding it very hard to like them at all to be honest.

...apart from my dad.

Ironically all the men I have ever encountered in my life have been bastards except my ex-husband, who is a diamond geezer!!!! Work that one out!!! lol
.....plz nobody ask why is he an ex-husband then!!! lol :o

Two of my friends are married to complete and utter morons, but do they see this no! I have had to go and help my friend today by looking after her poorly son because her arse of a "d" h refused to take the day off work and she had a very very important meeting to attend.

So you mean she refused to take the day off work as well?

My dad isn't perfect; but he's as close as it comes. He stood by my mum as she was dying of cancer and lossing all her looks and faculties and he was AMAZING. I will always respect him 100% more because of this. Most of my ex boyfriends have run away if i got a slight cold (mabe an exaggeration!). I just don't think men (or women) nowadays are cut from the same cloth; there is no stickability any more. Or mabe I need to go for men like my dad?!

I feel quite worried that I have idealised my dad like this but I am sure that there are some decent guys out there but unfortunately us girels like a bad boy; more fool us. I have no problem with oggling; I like a good oggle myself and I like being oggled. We are human after all!

It's certainly not true that all men are into lapdancing clubs and talking about women like pieces of meat when they're not around. That might be common, typical even for certain social circles. When I grew up it was pretty true of my dad's circle - although they made pathetic attempts to hide it when kids were around. All I can say it's not true of myself and any of my friends, and doesn't happen when I'm with other men from work or whatever. Don't know if that's a change over time or what.

But I do think the OP has a valid point. Most men are far more led by their dicks than most women want to admit. Some manage to hide it and live what appears to be a respectable monogamous life, but it's a pretty superficial paint job really. Scratch it and you soon find a slavering neanderthal desparate to fuck anything that moves. Men try to act according to what they think women will approve of, in order to make them fuck them / marry them / whatever. Women then naturally think this act is real, because it corresponds more or less to what is right and natural to them. The only variable is how long it takes for each woman to be disillusioned, and how traumatic the process is.

But the slavering neanderthal is just the way we are, and I don't really see why we should feel guilty about it. It's important to obey the law and certain principles around not hurting others, through ones actions. But as for what one is - well, that's just the way it is. It's better to accept yourself than to live a life of guilt just because you don't match up to a bunch of standards you never asked to be judged by in the first place. The OP's problem is not about how men are; it's about the fact that she's let herself be taken in by some false - and rather arrogant - idealism about how she feels they "ought" to be. And is now disappointed that they're not.

this adherence to cliché about men is intellectually lazy
if similar post had been women are all bastards,people would rightly be apoplectic with few calls of misogynist and cock to embellish the anger

I'm happy to say I have a fantastic non-bastard dh.

I have 3 or 4 friends however, who are married to complete bastards, but then the friends are enablers imo.

@ confidence..seriously, you think men are inherently primitive and uncivilised?
Rather a sweeping generalisation!

Or are you saying they are much more motivated by their sexual needs than women are...still a sweeping generalisation?

I just see penii

Is that wrong ?

crumbs confidence! What a miserable inner dialogue you must have!

and no, all my male friends aren't like those you describe, and prob. most of the blokes I know aren't that either.

You need to spread your social net further my friend. If you don't, it's a fairly closed experience of life for you.

My dad's pretty fucking fabulous, as are my brothers. As are many of the men I know & I hope my son will be.

Do you have sons OP?

Haven't read all posts, lifeisbetter, but have read yours. I felt like this a while back. I was working in a quite blokey environment - though with plenty of women - and married to similar. It was depressing. All the men, even the really lovely ones who adored their families and were never politically incorrect, played away on conference. They all used lapdancing clubs very regularly; some went more than 5 times a week. About half of them regularly cheated on their wives, not 'just' on conference. They all used porn.

I have no idea how a normal, nice bloke would have got on with that crew. I suppose he could have stood his ground with dignity, but he'd have been excluded from much of the significant communication. By the time I left, I honestly thought all men are like that.

They're not, though. It's better to remove yourself from the poisonous environment imo, it gets to you.

HairyGrotter

My stepdad is David..he is utterly lovely! :)

My DH is absolutely lovely- not perfect but won't change him for the world! My dad is amazing. I lost my mum when I was 9 and my dad single handedly raised 4 kids. I have 2 brothers that are just fantastic. I have loads of great non-bastard male friends and co-workers. My closest friends have always been guys as I find I can be real with them and not scared of getting wrong advise just so they can be 'better' than me!!!

I've also known quite a number of immature, inconsiderate men, But generalising is not right as it depends on your circle.

Just to offer a different perspecive: having dated both men and women I've listened to the "Men are bastards/can't commit/ mess you around" and the "Dykes can't commit/ sleep around/ screw you over" conversations numerous times. And probably had a bitter rant of my own at low points once or twice. Someone has a few bad experiences and they start writing everyone off. When I was a teenager and thought I was gay I used to bitch about women not wanting commitment, only sex, always being more interested in their ex's and generally messing you around. A real relationship seemed a million miles away. Of course there were plenty of good women out there who I could have a healthy relationship with, but at the time I was rather disillusioned. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that everyone gets angry with the opposite gender/ same sex sometimes for "letting them down" and in some cases tries to ascribe bad characteristics of individuals to everyone in general.

guess Op doesn't have sons then???

On hindsight the OP title should read

It's official. ALL men in my life are are bastards ( except my dad ) , where did I go wrong ?.

Good point about the MNHQ set up, Pan. I was just muding to myself acksherley, that had this thread read along the lines of:

It's official: All women are bitches...apart from my mum.

They really are.

For a long time I l have looked at their positive sides, but all women will turn out to be bitches in the end.

Sometimes women can be quite nice I suppose - especially the younger ones, who are not yet tarnished by some degree of fishwife nagging and cannot make fools of themselves by throwing themselves at men twenty years their junior.

What happens to them when they reach 35? They all turn out to be sad, droopy titted, mutton dressed as lamb.

It's their fault that the divide between men and women just gets bigger as we all get older. Because they turn into old women the minute you marry them and lose all the joy for life, and let themselves go. Men stay young and women just become gross.

I'm finding it very hard to like them at all to be honest.

...apart from my mum.

And then follow that with some of the very contemptuous and critical comments on this thread about men in general, but switched to be about women. Would the thread be 4 pages long? Or 34? Or in fact it probably would have been deleted.

It would have seen an angry influx of feminists all spitting bile about the hatred in the OP's language. But we can say anything, anything really nasty and dismissive about ALL men, and it's ok because deep down we secretly know they are all a bit stupid and it's ok to patronise them and roll our eyes about how awful they are.

Sorry you have had a crap time with men OP. You deserve to meet some better ones. I'm not digging at you, we all have those moments. But MN stuns me sometimes.

I was just musing to myself, not muding!

I imagine MNHQ are leaving it up so that when people accuse MN of being anti-men they can point to this thread and say "actually if you say all men are bastards 40 people will gently and sympathetically tell you that you are talking out of your arse"

(if you say all women are bastards you'll get the same thing just with less sympathy)

Sorry - didn't read thread properly and I see ScottishMummy has already made my point for me!

FellatioNelson nail on head.

There was another raging thread in AIBU when a poster ( male ) posted as his XW asking about opinions on access. The conversation, once he'd been rumbled, then moved on to how despicable and devious ( QED a terrible father not deserving of seeing his dd ) the OP was.

The majority of women on this site are sane intelligent women who are happy to have men around here. I guess it's no surprise that you get the odd bigot in any large group.

What is eye opening is that threads like this tend to bring fellow bigots out of the wood work. It really is a shame because it colours men's feelings about the site and how they approach it. Which is a shame for everyone.

I agree with fellatio if I'd have posted ' it's official, all men women are bitches' I would rightly expect to get ripped to shreds and see the thread deleted.

You're right OP men just objectify women, something women simply wouldn't do under any circumstances.

:o

I think that's one of many Hedley

In my experience I would say a good 8 out of 10 of them are...particularly from the age of approx 32 upwards!!! Sorry but I have dated some rat-bags!!!
Having said that I like lots of women find the really nice ones boring!!! :(

garlicbutty, I worked somewhere very similar to that. There must have been 20 men in the senior management team, and on the board of directors. Of those 20 (all married or in relationships), I knew of only one who hadn't played away with someone in the office. These were generally all nice blokes who seemed family orientated, many of whom I was good friends with.

It used to be awful seeing their unsuspecting wives at the few work do's where partners were invited. It really opened my eyes and I'm far more cynical after seeing it all. Especially after I caught XH doing exactly the same a few years later.