to my Mother-in-law

[RingEir]

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck off with yourself.

There. Apologies for the language, but I had to get that out of my system and I think it's better to vent on MN than say it to her face. Or maybe not....

Well, we need to know what she's done now!

Yeah, c'mon, spill

Oh I would just LURVE to say that to my MIL.... maybe we could do it together????!

....but yes - c'mon - tell us!!

Maybe I am being a bit overdramatic:) It's pretty mundane stuff really.
Background: In-laws have come to visit - we are now on day five - to see the new baby and MIL has no hesitation in telling me what I can and can't do.

Can't take the baby out for a walk at 11pm because it's too late and therefore dangerous (a walk around the estate FFS).
Ditto at 8.30 am because it's too early.
Ditto at 7.30 pm because it's too hot (we live in Spain).
"What that child needs is a bottle"- I am exclusively BF
"What that child needs is a soother" - we have repeatedly explained why we are not giving him one.
"Those children only live to be 30" - our son has Down's Syndrome and DH was really hurt by this.
On Fernando Alonso getting third place in the Italian Grand Prix "At least he didn't let that black (Lewis Hamilton) overtake him". -sounds worse in English than Spanish but still pretty bad.

She does love the baby, and means well in general but it's just as well they are leaving on Wednesday....

at the Down's comment, that's not mundane that's nasty.

When is this vile woman leaving your home. Can you kick her out sooner?

YADNBU! Roll on wed.

Sorry, just seen you said they're leaving on Wednesday.

she really can fuck fuck fuck off with herself!!

Wow at the Down's comment.

I would be tempted to tell her to fuck off to her face. She's wrong anyway!

She is wrong re. the DS point.

I have a 50YO DS uncle who lives (largely) independently (Mental state going a little bit south now, so in sheltered accomodation, but I swear he has a better social life than I do!)

Also a bit at the Hamilton comment... but then I find Alonso a god-bothering-blubbing-arse with an ego the size of Brazil

FWIW, I think ranting on here, rather to her face, is the best option. She'll be gone tomorrow and it will be better to have not fallen out with her.

She sounds vile and you have the patience of a saint.

Congratulations on the birth of your DS, don't let the old cow spoil your happy days with him and DH.

if you can when she leaves!

Blimey, you have a perfectly valid reason to want to tell her to go fuck herself. I doth my cap to you for not doing so, I wouldn't have been so reserved. Roll on Wednesday indeed!

Fuck off MIL indeed. I'll happily come and pack her stuff to enable her to fuck the fuck off ASAP.
Many Congratulations on the birth of your baby boy. How old is he? How is he doing? how are you doing? Is this your first child?
Sadly some people think children that are different in any way have lesser value, these people should go away and educate themselves and stop peddling their uneducated and hurtful untruths. Your son has an extra chromosome Not an extra head.
unlike your MIL I'm sorry you've had to hear her insensitive clap trap. Does MIL live far away?

Thanks very much for the support . TBH it's the telling me what to do stuff that gets on my nerves the most, but I felt for DH when she made the Down's comment. She is really not malicious, it's out of sheer ignorance; she has very provincial and old-fashioned ideas. As parentfailure says, people with DS now live much longer. The average life-expectancy is 50-60 yrs old now. onlyjoking thanks for your good wishes. He is my first child and he is fine thanks :) We were very lucky in that he has none of the major health problems associated with Down's. He is a healthy, very lively little boy who is chugging away at the breast as I write. That is another myth btw, that babies with DS can't breastfeed. It takes a bit of determination and perseverance but we are getting there.

Oh, one more thing, she keeps coming in to our bedroom!

Ring you deserve a very large G&T for putting up with that crap. Is there a suitable Spanish phrase for "fuck off you demented, racist ignorant old cow"?

She sounds vile - the DS comment is esp hurtful. Is your newest baby Down Syndrome? It is a horrible comment to make about any child, but particularly unnecessary if she is referring to you newest arrival. OP - hope you are OK.

you are right OP it is total ignorance but ignorance is only cured by education and in your shoes i would be politely informing her of her mistakes. if she didn't agree with your corrections, she would be welcome to leave your house.

Yes, it's our first child. To be fair, a lot of people of MILs generation see Down's as a terrible tragedy. I thought when she saw the baby (his name is Killian) she would change, but although she is crazy about him I can see that she still thinks it's a terrible affliction . Oh DH let her know alright, but I think it's better coming from him than me. Anyway, she never listens to anyone.

Yes many s are in order, and spending time on MN!

I don't think you can change her opinion. I know that my grandmother (my uncle's mum) found it a terrible affliction and did her very best to try and ignore hte condition (which, of course, in the long run made life so much harder)

But, while certain things are 'different' having a DS person in the family can be an amazingly positive experience. So, OP, please always remember that there are as many positives as there are negatives

And congratulations. Killian is a lovely name.

Thank you! I agree, MIL is too set in her ways and will never listen to reason. I am not going to waste my energy on her. And so far the baby is developing very well. He is just two months old and is already beginning to smile and try to sit up. The important thing is not to limit kids (any kids) by deciding in advance what they will or will not be able to achieve. A Spanish man recently became the first person in Europe with DS to get a university degree. Sky's the limit as far as I am concerned:) Poor Killian, little does he know what a pushy Mama he has.

hand to mouth in shock at MIL comment about downs syndrome!

You need to work on your menacing whisper.

If you EVER say anything derogatory about DS/SN to me again, it will be the last time you see ME or MY SON again. GOT IT? Good!

Zero tolerance for this!

Set in her ways my arse, she is RUDE and she needs to learn to keep her mouth shut.

If she never listens, that's HER problem. seriously.

LOVE Killian as a name! I bet he is SOOO cute!

Honestly, I would not worry about your MIL.

I agree with zero tolerance - but only going forward. You cannot change how your MIL THINKS she should feel about DS, but you can demand how she treats your son going forward.

I really am NOT trying to normalise your MIL PoV, but it is one that is reasonably widely held and she is probably worried too (Perhaps a bad way of showing her concern but still) I know that my grandmother was terribly concerned about my uncle, about how he would cope etc., without her and she 'protected' him. He didn't need to be protected. What he needed was to be allowed to grow like any other young man. She protected him until the day she died. ANd since then, he has lived independently (largely, as I said) and has a very active and happy life.

You are absolutely right -the sky IS the limit! Of course, there will be things that you need to consider but all of these things will come in time.

(ANd she will be gone tomorrow )

You will be able to go out at 4 in the morning if you wish

young woman in Connemara with Downs finished her Leaving Cert through Irish! I was incredibly impressed. You're so right about not limiting Killian's options.

Have you heard of the 'Punky' cartoon show? It's about a little girl with DS and her adventures. It might be nice to watch for when Killian is a little older.

www.herald.ie/news/meet-punky-worlds-first-down-syndrome-cartoon-2348237.html