to ask dp to leave?

[Foxy800]

Please be gentle with me as I am so fed up right now. Dp has a;ways been a nightmare with money hense why he gives me what he needs to of his wages and with mine I sort out the bills etc.

Anyway today I find out yet again he has been lying to me. For the last two months he has told me he hasnt been paid when he is meant to off but then at the last minute he has. Today I found a bank statement and discovered this wasnt true ( had suspicions already) but I also discovered he owes the bamk well over £200 which we do not have. This is at least the 6th or 7th time this year alone he has lied to me about money.

I just feel I have had enough. All I got was you have been through my stuff and I lied cause I didnt want you having a go at me about it!!! (We already have debts but these are managable as they are budgetted into my outgoings each month.)

I just dont know what to do at the moment, am so angry.

Foxy-Hope you don't mind me asking but do you think that if you had more friends in rl you may not feel so (for want of a better word) needy for him?

I also think the fact that he is not begging you to come back is maybe grating on you a little? It would be me. But to be fair, OH is not as bothered about suggesting doing things, but is happy to do to if prompted.

You have to do what you think best. Noone here knows you or OH, and if you do ask him back after implementing 'rules' and it goes wrong, well, you're only human and you can say you've tried :)

Disclaimer: Am very tired, so may not have put this as eloquently as /i could have done, sorry.

Possibly but have never really had that many friends and have always just got on with things, just finding this a lot harder than I ever had before.

I could be wrong but I think the reason he isnt asking to things is as he doesnt have a base or any spare cash. When he did have some spare cash last weekend he did invite dd and I out for tea.

I just so dont know what to do. Why is life so hard!!!

Thanks for your reply. Am off to bed but will check in at some point tomorrow. Not sure when though as got work but will definately be back on.

I am sorry if i have mised something there.
But he lied to you re money. His mum then gave him some money to cover his debts so he is now able to have some money again.

But your problem isn't there is it? Your problem is that he can accumulate debts (lots) without telling you. What has that moiney being used for? What is he planning to do so that it doesn't happen again?

You really need to be sure he is willing to tackle his money problems, no just how to deal with the current debt but how to be sure it's not going to happen again. So far what has he done to convince you it won't happen again?

Thank you for the reply. Like you say the money wasnt the issue it was the debt and burying his head to the point we nearly had bailiffs round. I know what the money was used for and although I dont agree and would rather he had been honest so we could do something about it I understand in a way why he did it.

I dont think he will do it again as his stepmum who lent him the money has told him if he does it again they will have nothing to do with him, neither will I.

He is being very honest with me so far, eg, when he is looking at rooms, when he has gone out etc.

But obviously if he did come back we would really have to talk about it and "rules" put into place.

But I just dont know at the moment.
Am off back to work now so will try to get on later or tomorrow at some point as working again.

I think you need to talk about 'rules' before he comes back.
You need to establish a relationship where you are talking together and nothing is hidden.
His stepmum might an incentive for him to behave. But surely you should have been too and it didn't stop him?

I am unclear to what sort of issues he has with money. But he needs to tackle them not just rely on 'his stepmum or you being upset'. Your and his family's reactions should be an incentive for him to start looking at the problem. The difficult bit is the next step: doing something about it and changing his behaviour.

Thank you for the reply.

His issues with money are that he is useless with money. He is trying to change, he has opened up a special bank account to help him monitor his money. The reason he got in this mess is cause he wanted to make sure I had enough moneyh to cover the bills.

Sorry didnt make it clear but the rules would be discussed before we got back together.

Well the decision has been made for me, which in a way is good. He has accepted a room , has been round tonight to pack his stuff and is moving with his stepmums help while I am at work tomorrow. The tenancy is for a min of 8 months so plenty of time for us to sort things out I guess.