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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

New relationship - waiting for sex?

73 replies

charlottesmum5 · 08/09/2011 09:18

In a nutshell (will expand later) I have met a nice guy, been seeing each other 3 weeks (5 times in total, including staying overnight)..however he seems to have no desire to ravish me or even look at my body and dropped a bombshell (well, I managed to extract the info out of him) that he has an STI which he is receiving treatment for (takes 3 months) and will not be able to have intercourse (even with condoms) for at least this amount of time and perhaps a couple of months after. At the time I said that's ok with me but what has bothered me even more is the fact that he doesn't even want to touch me or look at me sexually. I asked him why and he said he is shy (ffs he's 50). I'm thinking maybe it's because he doesn't want to get turned on because he knows he can't have sex, but I'm thinking it's a bit unreasonable to ask a new date to wait 5/6 months for any intimacy?? I probably sound like I'm a horny nymph lol, but tbh I'm a bit pissed off that he was on a dating site making himself available for a relationship (thats how we met) yet the only reason I know about his STI was because I dragged it out of him after he told me to keep my pants on in bed LMAO!! Am I being unfair??

OP posts:

RealityVonCrapp · 08/09/2011 09:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MilkandWine · 08/09/2011 09:35

Seconded, run away and never look back. This man sounds like he has the words 'Utter nightmare' written through him like a stick of Brighton Rock.

I'm sorry but who goes on a dating site when they are having lengthy treatment for an STI?!. Don't get me wrong, if he is telling the truth then it's rubbish for the guy but at least wait until you are all cleared up before you start seeing women (and getting them to sleep in the same bed as you). Are you supposed to wait 6 months to get physical, seriously? I'm assuming he combines the looks of Johnny Depp with the income of Bill Gates to expect you to hang around that long?

I laughed at the keep you pants on bit though. It must be a pretty rampant STI if you can catch it just by lying next to him naked.

Sorry OP, don't mean to poke fun, it'a all a bit shitty for you but seriously give him a wide berth, plenty more men out there who aren't either a) riddled or b) fuckwits who are too shy to kiss somebody at the age of 50.

MilkandWine · 08/09/2011 09:35

Brighton rock? I believe I meant Blackpool rock (ahem)

Original poster

charlottesmum5 · 08/09/2011 09:41

Thanks ladies!! I think I just needed to hear it from someone impartial and who doesn't know me. I shall move on!! Have another 2 questions for you though...I lent him my hedge trimmer (seriously lol) which was only 2 months old, had only been used twice (by my 16 yr old daughter) and he bloody sliced through the cable!!! He said he will get it fixed for me, but it will never be the same will it? So do I a) get it back b) forget it. And secondly, is dumping by text or email reasonable, based on the fact that I've only met him 5 times in 3 weeks? Or do I need to ring him?

OP posts:

susiedaisy · 08/09/2011 09:43

Did he explain how he got the sti, was he in a long term relationship and one of them was unfaithful or has he been on dating sites havin casual sex and picked it up, not wanting be judgey here and I know you only need to have slept with one person to get a sit, but as other posters have said the fact that he was on dating site when he knew he couldn't have sex for several months and the fact that you had to squeeze the info out of him seems odd to me!

wannaBe · 08/09/2011 09:45

I think that dumping by text or email is a bit off, personally, even if you've only seen him five times.

But I would definitely get rid.

susiedaisy · 08/09/2011 09:45

A sit?? I mean sti bloody iPhone

Original poster

charlottesmum5 · 08/09/2011 09:46

Susie, he caught it 6 /8 weeks ago off a woman on the dating site. He wasn't using a condom and I berated him about this and he said I was being unreasonable!! He said he didn't like the feel of condoms and I said yes that's why you caught the STI (twat).

OP posts:

susiedaisy · 08/09/2011 09:48

I would ask him for the money to replace the trimmer yourself, end of summer might be some good deals around and I would at least speak to him either over phone or in a coffee shop or something to end it, as long you feel safe that he won't flip out in public,

MilkandWine · 08/09/2011 09:48

I personally would ring him (I would hate to be dumped via text or email) but if you really, really can't face that then I would send him a short, polite email. You've only met 5 times and haven't even got physical so no need to elaborate. A simple 'You are a nice guy but I don't think we are right for each other' should suffice. I think he will be able to fill in the gaps himself.

Unless the hedge trimmer was expensive I would forget about it. If he is a decent type though he should still repair it and give it back to you anyway tbh. The fact he sliced the cable isn't a great sign though is it? yes it may have been an accident but he really should have been more careful with the possession of a woman he is trying to impress!

susiedaisy · 08/09/2011 09:49

Oh a twat indeed !!!

ThatsNotMyBabyBelly · 08/09/2011 09:51

I'd forget about the trimmer and finish it over the phone. Sounds like you have had a lucky escape tbh

MilkandWine · 08/09/2011 09:52

He berated you because you told him he should have used a condom?? Oh my god, forget my previous post, dump the knob head by text, he sounds an utter, utter berk. If he gets nasty tell him that you have no wish to get intimate with a man who has so little regard for his and others sexual health.

He doesn't like the feel of condoms? Does he prefer the feel of a dose of the clap? What a prize idiot.

Oh and tell him you want your trimmer back (fixed) or as Susiedaisy says, the money for a new one.

You've had a lucky escape OP.

BalloonSlayer · 08/09/2011 09:56

I reckon he's got a sexual problem and he is hoping to delay things so that you will fall in luuuurve with him and then put up with his premature ejaculation/1" willy/no libido/whatever because you have committed to the relationship. And he is desperate enough to make up this stupid story which makes him look even worse.

Suggest you dump, and find another man to trim your hedge for you.

kallima · 08/09/2011 09:56

goodness, what STI's take 3 months to clear up???

MilkandWine · 08/09/2011 10:00

Just what I was thinking Kallima, I smell a big rat here, reckon BalloonSlayer could well be onto something in her post.

Either way it isn't the OPs problem and the guy sounds a first grade nightmare. Honestly, they should be made to wear badges or something so that nice women can avoid wasting the time and effort on them in the first place.

SirSugar · 08/09/2011 10:00

Fuck the hedge trimmer, just think yourself lucky he didn't trim your hedge with his STI and get rid immediately.

susiedaisy · 08/09/2011 10:04

I think herpes can take many months to clear up and then you have to wait a while after the last symptom, where as other sti's just require a course of Anti biotics

Original poster

charlottesmum5 · 08/09/2011 10:04

ha ha ladies, your posts are fab!! Yes he already told me he suffers from premature ejaculation and 'when' we get intimate I would have to bear with him a couple of times. And I tried to get a sneaky look at him in his boxers and yep i think it's a 1" cock lol. When he berated me about the condom thing and he said he does't want to use them I asked why would he want to put his own selfish pleasure before my own sexual health and he couldn't answer. The trimmer was £64, only used twice :(
Oh the STI has to have weekly/10 day sessions of a freezing treatment....the nurse apparantly said he would need 8

OP posts:

susiedaisy · 08/09/2011 10:08

Genital warts then, if he requires freezing treatment, which is herpes I think?

kallima · 08/09/2011 10:11

ewww. this man does not sound like a catch. ffs he's caught an SDI by not using a condom, and he STILL doesnt see the benefits in using one? exactly what does it take then?

twat

MilkandWine · 08/09/2011 10:11

Wow, so he has an STI and also suffers from premature ejaculation?. Christ he really knows how to smooth a girl over with his moves in the early days doesn't he?

Sounds like a lovely case of genital warts he has there. So he had to go to a clinic and get a stranger freeze his bits for the next 3 months yet STILL doesn't want to use condoms? I don't even have an answer for that one, the stupidity is mind boggling!

Purplebuns · 08/09/2011 10:12

Good god! Try and get money off him for the trimmer, although I think you should consider this carefully as it is a tie to him. Also if he has Herpes isn't he infected for life? You are well rid, seriously!

MilkandWine · 08/09/2011 10:13

Gential warts and herpes are different (if I understand it correctly?)

Warts are unpleasant but once they are frozen off they shouldn't reoccur. Herpes is caused by the Hepes Simplex virus and is reoccurring. Once you have it you have it for life, although it does lie dormant for long periods at a time. It is a very nasty thing to catch.

Original poster

charlottesmum5 · 08/09/2011 10:13

ha ha....consider him well and truly dumped!!! I suppose I should wait until tonight, cos he's at work now!!

OP posts:

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