The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Sweeping Into Autumn With A One Way Ticket To Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Phew, just in time!

I'm mouse and I love a few to drink. I love all things cheese and I love MrMouse

Welcome to the Bus. We are a collection of drinkers, non-drinkers, and those who are somewhere in between but we all have the same thing in common, we can't just have 1 drink and then stop.

Come say hi, we don't bite .

Here are the other threads to date, if you have a spare hour or seven to kill.

OUR HISTORY

Hi tryandtry tell me about it, if you want. Have you been drinking all weekend? What is making you so sad?

We had a takeaway very early on tonight, so we could put DD to bed and then collapse!

Enjoy the curry, off for my bath.

Quick read through first though

ma you acheived more today than I have all week. I hope you have that sort of tiredness of knowing you have acheived a lot!

isinde you are being given great advice. am in no place to dish out any advice at the moment, so there is a space near me if you want to stare out of the window and just be.

tawdry probably too late but brown sauce / worcestershire sauce or lots of garlic and chilli help casseroles if you miss the addition of wine (depending on the type of casserole).

cant do this..been here before about 4 weeks ago..
sad and pathetic why cant i control this

venus - date nights. Don't forget about them. I've managed to really hurt DH's feelings today over something from my past, something that is actually my problem. Some of you know my past but tonight's not for going through this. Keep smiling venus, huge hugs to you lovely xx

tryandtry - talk to us.

try - I remember you. What have you had to drink so far? Are you alone?

I've had a Becks Blue (non-alcoholic beer) and a LARGE curry!

We're here to listen

try trying to control it is such hard work, that is why all of are here looking for support and comfort and encouragement. Ican't really remember all your back story, but do you have any access to other kinds of help - AA, or a local alcohol service. or a supportive partner?

Please don't get despondant, I lost count of how many times I was where you are. Things CAN get better.

So what can you do tonight? Are you still drinking? Can you just chuck it down the sink. Have a couple of big glasses of water, brush your teeth and get off to bed. Nothing you do now will change what has already happened, but drinking lots of water will reduce some of the dehydration.

it feels normal to drink. it feels abnormal not to.therefore i am ill. there is no tablet, medicine, antibiotic. if u talk, you are labelled. so you continue...

mouse I can understand. After xh and I split, I was in my kitchen with a new man (lovely but short lived relationship). He walked up behind me to give me a gentle cuddle and a peck on the cheek and I got my memories crossed and automatically lashed out dragging the heel of my shoe down his shin . Cue mucho apologising from me. It was part of my healing though, realising that I was reacting to the wrong person.

try some of your drinking is habit. It feels very abnormal to try and change ANY habit (have you tried sleeping on the other side of the bed, or brushing your teeth with the other hand, or reorganising your kitchen and putting your coffee mugs into a different place? It all feels horrible, and it is immensely frustrating. But yes, also alcohol is a drug that you have become used to using.

Do you want to change what is happening? I think you do, because you're posting on here. So why not stop now. Just for tonight. Make a cup of tea, then come back and talk to us.

venus - the air is icy here tonight and I'm scared that I have finally pushed him over the edge after more than 6 years of being together. Maybe he has finally had enough of my past. Maybe he has finally become so tired that he has no fight left in him to 'prove' he loves me and would never cheat.

Maybe, just maybe, I've burst my own bubble.

Anyway. Tomorrow is a whole new day. I think I have to really make an effort to get this sorted now. This is putting my marriage at risk, my life, my family and I am NOT prepared to let him have that power over me.

It's time I got some real help isn't it? No more hiding.

try - listen to the lovely venus. She talks a lot of sense.

"It's time I got some real help isn't it? No more hiding."

mouse, the only answer is yes.

Please, don't sabotage the wonderful things you have, either by drinking, or by anything else. I know that it's scary, but the right person to speak to will keep you safe while you unload, will not push you any faster than you can go, and gently help you untangle things.

In the meantime, you know you have not spoiled things with you dh. Apologise gently for things where you were in the wrong (if you were), you don't need to wait for another sun to rise, for you to start the work of putting it right. He may not be ready to accpet it, but you can sstill make the first step. If you want. If it feels like the right thing to do.

- I know you are right, I know I need help but I'm so bloody scared.

I've said sorry to him, I've tried to explain to him why I reacted the way that I did but the thing is, I did try to find a logical reason for this thing without any accusations.

I am trying. I guess I thought he's welcome the smallest change in me. It will take time. Lots of love and time. I'm more than happy to give him all that he needs.

I'm going to bed now. To read and hopefully to snuggle when DH comes up after watching the cricket.

Thank you venus, thank you xxxxx

Mouseface - I hope you can sort things out with your DH.

Try - I know exactly how you feel about drinking being the 'norm' - I am no expert (only on day 2), but I have been filling the danger time with other things (tonight I dyed my hair!)

I have had a good evening and now in bed.

Will speak more tomorrow x

Sleep well honey bunny. Every day, another little step.

tryandtry....don't give up. I have been on this bus nearly a year and am still drinking.But I have learned so much, made so many new friends and AM tackling it, just not very succesfully. Please don't give up. You will find a way that works for you eventually. Like me it might take longer than some others, but you will still gain loads from just being here.
mouse how much does DH know about the previous abuser? How honest have you been able to be with him? You have been through so much my friend - your previous life, your dear triplets, nemo and your health issues. You DESERVE everything that is good. you deserve DH and you deserve happiness. Please find a counsellor who works for you. Stop being strong little mousie, and admit that you need help.

Morning Babes,

in work at 8 today, so just checking in and sending love to all you going through difficult evenings last night, and hoping you had some sleep.

xxxxxx

Morning all,
I am taking my beautiful big girl to school today!!! Some of you know how amazing that is for me.
I managed to give myself a concussion at church yesterday - on a pew, that well know, mobile object that comes and thumps you on the head. NOT. Dizzy, sick, drowsy, though didn't knock myself out. Still not 100% this morning and got myself into a bit of a confused self pitying mess about asking for help - "everyone will think I've been drinking" - that I have partly unravelled with my sponsor. This living normal life stuff is hard. Will pop back later.

Hi all - quick check in before the school run and my brogue-shopping trip!

tryandtry - do come back to the bus. Do you know how many mornings I decided to give up drinking before I hopped on board? Neither do I, but it was probably more than 200. So I know how you feel.

The way I looked at it was that I might be an alcoholic or I might be just someone who drank too much to avoid dealing with life's problems / give myself a bit of a break from them. You might be either. But you won't know until you try and stop for a bit - and whichever is the case stopping for a bit will be hard both physically and mentally. And if you don't try and stop for a bit, things are not going to improve by themselves.

We're all here for you! And if you need to sit in front of the screen posting all day, someone is sure to be in and out to talk you through the tough bits.....

• must dash, am going to be late....

its me wanto on a name change!!
thought i better update you lovely lot
Baby is lying gurgling and eating her toes behind me and dp is off to work and away ovenight
mouse you sound like me ... sometimes i cant believe that dp loves me and I push and push. Its like an inbuilt test to see how much he can take. It always ends in tears. my self esteem is so low that i am a feckin clingy limpet. That in turn makes me want to drink but that is not an option for me today. Have a sniff of babies head from me ..she smells lush. Can I ask if you have ever been to aa?
mistress pemberley I week and one day. you should be proud as non alcoholic punch
isinde dp problems too .... my ego wants praise for not boozing but i feel he is distant and hypercritical so i withdraw and sulk or cry and cling. no one understands alcoholic mind like another alcoholic so keep posting here. i must recite the serenity prayer one million times a day
legal keep doing what your doing missy
golly i love a wee daytime meeting. Sets me up for the evening. ODAAT
try and try i was you. read back to my first post on this thread where my name was wanttodie i was broken. pm me if you want! i have been where you are many times and i can help
demented hugs
soberme just remember you are doing this for you> i had an unsupportive ex which led me back to the bottle> my choice> it has to be for you and its so worth it!
not even take tissues ... you will cry .. she wont! well done you. im a bit teary thinking of school first days gone by. yu are an inspiration
bafana text me ... i have books and a bell for you my lovely

So mega post
day 15 in the aa house for me. Im back with dp and little rabbit. things are good. i dont want to drink today and im doing many meetings and also taking antabuse. my choice for now as it takes away the little bastard alcohol who might tell me just one drink and no one will know. its like a suit of armour
I had a huge emotional wobble with dp though on sat night. i feel I have to be perfect now and I need constant reassurance that he loves me. But I cant tell him how I feel as when I do he thinks he is doing something wrong>or becomes hypercritical of me too difficult to explain but i will blub to a friend and hope i can resolve it. Hes away overight tonight so i will get some me time
Today I wont be drinking ... i may be prolifically posting though and soup baby mush making!!

great post strawberry, but making baby soup . Somebody get that woman out of the kitchen
usual morning with DH so on no speaks again but fuck it - it's a beautiful autumn morning and he can only spoil it if I allow him to. He won't be home now until tomorrow so that's good.
noteven bloody well done to you - amazing, you are amazing.
Thurso are you ok?

and where the Jeff is Mif?

where indeed is mif? i havent spken to him but i need some straight talking and i know hes good for that. i lurked a long time here
Ma its chicken broth for us but im mushing up some tatties into it for the weaning machine that is baby. she would eat a scabby horse and chase the rider. if your dp is also away you can join me in a sober evening with junk food and sneaky fags outside.

MOrning everyone, just popping in. Back later for a proper chat

Morning
I am feeling really down in the dumps and fed up this morning,
What do you do, when a friend, who you love dearly, consistently lets you down??
Feel so sad and miserable and really let down by her she knows that she has upset me, and is sorry, but I also know that it will not stop happening.
Just feel really really fucked off!!
Truly craving a cigarette.
Answers on a postcard

Very quickly - bafana - Here, you need this - {{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}} and this, MWAH xxxxxxxxx

Some people aren't worth your love and time sweets. I feel very lucky to have the friends that I do in my life

Friendship is something to value, not expect.

Ma - he knows less than half. He seems okay this morning but says he 'doesn't get why I can't trust him 100%, why I still have this doubt'

Strawbs - great name. Will re-read and come back to you in a bit, I need to go out.

Huge hugs Babes, be back soon with cakes and tea. xx