The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Sweeping Into Autumn With A One Way Ticket To Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Phew, just in time!

I'm mouse and I love a few to drink. I love all things cheese and I love MrMouse

Welcome to the Bus. We are a collection of drinkers, non-drinkers, and those who are somewhere in between but we all have the same thing in common, we can't just have 1 drink and then stop.

Come say hi, we don't bite .

Here are the other threads to date, if you have a spare hour or seven to kill.

OUR HISTORY

eeeek! DH been accused of sexual abuse by teenage girl he had to restrain last week to stop her hitting him with a hairdryer and then a metal lamp!
fuckitty fuckitty fuck....
He's been called into work......dear God!

Morning All

Huge shout out for ma well done you! Sleeping does come, and tbh it is much better sleep than I ever had drinking.

obrig my friend, you can't change the past, you do have control over what you do today, don't beat yourself up, just use the thoughts to make the positive changes you want to.

mouse poor Nemo and DD, take it easy, and remember, you can only look after them properly when you are looking after yourself properly.

wellies in the early days, my evenings used to really really drag, because I wasn't used to filling them with anything other than drink! I now find that slowly over time, my evenings are filled with lots of diffent things. Cooking, chatting on the phone, visiting friends. Slowly slowly ODAAT, things change.

Sun is shining here today, and I am hoping that it stays that way until I finish at 3, so I can cut the grass this afternoon.
Have a great day everybody.

Bafana
xx

BOING!!!

im hiding out in the office today - my house is full of workmen and a very grumpy dh so i decided that running away was the only option!

just read that 'one sober day in rl was no big deal'!!! doh!!! you dafty!!! it is a HUGE great big ginormous amazing thing!!! we all know just how fucking hard it can be - give yourself some credit!!!

ma - what a bloody nightmare! my mil was accused of battering a kid she had to restrain, he reckoned she had him by the neck and he passed out - he was 16 and 6ft, she is 61 and 5ft, it went to a hearing!

Checking in babes
In some ways glad to hear that for many of you most days bring major dramas - not that I am glad for you to have those problems, but that it makes it all the more clear to me that this is normal mummy/family/adult life - and that it is possible to get through it without drinking but with support and kindness
ma - oh no, that is the real peril of that kind of work. mouse - keep banging on at NHS, only way to get attention. noteven lots of thoughts for you.....

I'm also enjoying being one of the conscious in the evening babes - at least during the week.

I was thinking of using the title "Emotional Intelliengence is the KY jelly of Leadership...you can try and do without it but its more painful and a lot less fun"
What's your audience Isinde - if they are sociologists they will love it. I once went to a medical sociology conference at the turn of the millenium and there seemed to be a competition to get as many references to sex into the talk titles as possible. I did not win (Christian upbringing not fully recovered from) ......

legal - oh no, the whole crumpets/pikelets argument could occupy a thread of its own.

ok, allegation withdrawn at mention of CPU being involved. She admits she "made it up"

Morning,

My day off today, and I went back to bed after Dh left for work (seeing off is ingrained into me!), and slept until 9.30 . It is amazing to have a lie in, when no wine was involved last night, proper sleepy sleep, lucky me . I'm really tired now, though .

I have started the week in a much better frame of mind. I do sadly admit that the demon has been having his way with me a couple of times lately (not trying to offload the responsibility, just trying to get past it), and I just so don't want it to happen, or, after this weekend, I can see myself doing the bad thing when the house is empty, and no work the next day. Still, didn't do it last night, no projecting!

Ma How awful for you, and DH. I have so many strictures, structures and rules in place when I see children 1:1, that it sometimes seems like madness. There are times when one just can't stick to the "no touch" rule, but I always worry when it happens. I'm glad it has turned out ok.
4 days until DC2 goes for me, and 8 days for you. How is DD? I think DC is nervous and excited, and lots of other things as well.

DC2 and I are off to get the last bit of shopping this afternoon, I'm not sure my credit card can take any more!

I'm just reading a book I got in a job lot from the charity shop, where an American writers children just have gone to college, and her agent phoned and asked her to do a Hollywood screen play, it all seems very true to life!!!.
I think I'd better start on the "proper" books again .
xxxx

hi all
thurso DD is getting excited and a little bit scared. I am trying not to think about next Wednesday, taking her to the airport. I just wish she was gone and it was all over with - dreading the actual farewell. Must not cry, must not cry!!

Ma - my lovely friend (HCP) got accused of 'inappropriate behaviour' towards one of his DD's friends. It totally destroyed him and he was blown apart by it all. I've never seen him look so ill and torn.

I've know him all my life and he even came to my wedding. Such a kind and gentle soul who has supported me through everything in life. The abuse, the drink and even the drugs at one time.

I was mortified for him.

Turned out she'd made it up because she fancied him and knew he'd never act on her advances.

Stupid little girl. Luckily, after a lot of rebuilding, his life is back to normal but what a thing to do. People have no idea do they?

Hope DD gets away okay xx

thurso - I have missed you, glad to see you back on the thread.

Where is that MIFLAW??

DD has been fed soup and fresh bread, Nemo has clean PJs on, the heating is on, as is the little lamp which makes the lounge look all snuggley and I'm about to make my lunch, and then stick a DVD on.

Hello. Checking in. will post later but have been dealing with major work crisis (of my own doing).

Eeek.

Ma well done for yesterday! I think it's a bloody excellent plan to make each day 'day 1' I might try that one for myself. Your dh must have been crapping himself at that accusation, that kind of mud can stick if you're unlucky enough to be accused My BIL worked in a children's home for very disturbed kids a while back. He had to leave in the end because restraining them made him get very bruised and he was constantly hiding the bruises from his son who would worry endlessly about him I think it was only a matter of time before one of the girls accused him of something awful like that and I'm glad he's out of there now.

Thurso, what is it that you do 1:1 with kids? My 14yr old dd has home tutoring at the moment (will talk about that at length shortly) and I have to be in the house whilst the tutors are here. I don't think there's a no touch rule as I've certainly seen at least one of the tutors touch her, but it was a woman and I've definitely not seen either of the blokes do it.

Anyway, yes, home tutoring. Or not, as it turns out today. She has HT because she is a school refuser and has social anxiety issues, only now she's refusing to see the tutors. Her teachers have always been very complimentary about her intelligence so I'm totally at a loss as to why she would sabotage herself in this way. She knows that if she refuses this education service one of two things will happen. She will either end up being referred to a behavioural unit (where she will refuse to go at all, no doubt) or I will be prosecuted with the possibility of jail. Today she says she just doesn't care, she doesn't have a single empathetic bone in her body.

I'm completely at a loss of what to do next. I suspect she took something at the weekend and is now on a come down, so provoking her is a Very Bad Idea as she will turn violent and destructive (trying to burn the house down has featured quite strongly in the past).

Oops, new name! I was GollyHolightly and now I'm Scoundrel

mouse - pmd you!

scoundrel, i do feel for you, she sounds a very troubled child, i realise i have been incredibly lucky with my dd because it certainly wasnt down to my parenting 'skills' which kept her on the straight and narrow!

jeez scoundrel, that sounds awful for you. If things get that bad that she is referred to a behavioural unit, then I'm afraid refusing to go is not an option for her. She will be made to go, and if she absconds on a regular basis, then she will gradually lose freedoms and rewards until she learns to stay put. Once she is over 16 she can be put into "secure" which is basically lockdown. This is how it works here, but in your area might be different.
Do you call the police when she is violent? Has she been before the childrens' panel yet - or maybe that's only here too.
sorry not to be much help but am thinking of you.
If DH can advise in any way I am sure he will.

I was just about to ask who you are/were scoundrel!

I'm so sorry that this is still a feature in your life, the battles with DD. Can you involve her GP? SS? A community support team/worker. You can't do this alone. You really can't. I'm sorry to say that the chances are she will end up in a behavioural unit 24/7 until she can prove to herself and others that she can and will behave.

It could be made a legal order if she carries on, and yes, whilst you could be in serious trouble, I think involving as many people as you can now, will give you the support that you need to help her and to help yourself.

If she ends up in some sort of care, NONE OF IT WILL BE YOUR FAULT. I know that's the last thing you want but it's a very real risk because of how she behaves.

I wish I had a magic wand to make her better. Does she take any meds for her anxiety? Poor you, poor her too. It must be so hard to watch,

Got the message thanks Jesus

I have called the police in the past, yes. The last time was when she smashed all the crockery. I almost called them a couple of weeks ago when she threatened me with a large shard of mirror after she smashed her full length mirror in her bedroom. I got as far as pressing the 999's before her dad got between us and I put the phone down because I'm fairly sure she would have been charged for that one and I don't want her to have a record unless I feel it's unavoidable. I'm not making excuses for her because if I ever feel that it's necessary I WILL have her arrested.

Ma, how can they make her go to school? We've been told (warned) not to manhandle her into school premises in the past, as she would be within her rights to have us charged with assault and she know this, so surely a teacher isn't allowed to manhandle her either, unless it's to stop her being violent?

We've had CAMHS involvement but as she won't engage with them we've been discharged now and I feel like we've been left to fend for ourselves.

ha mouse!!! there are people all over the world who want to get that message!

Scoundrel - that's awful, that they've left you on you on your own to fend for yourselves. I hate CAHMS approach at times. Nemo has been referred to them for his sleep issues but we've not heard a thing.

Can you try and get a one to one that she can build up a relationship with?

I bet you are at your wits end xx

I forgot to mention, too, she's been pilfering my tablets. I have propranolol for my own anxiety issues and I think she's had a packet of those out of my handbag as I went to get one this morning and they weren't there, and she's had a half empty packet of diazepam out of my bedside drawer. I can only imagine that she's had the propranolol to take when she has a panic attack because you don't get any kind of high from them, but the diazepam would have been for recreational use. Who should I be reporting this to, if anyone? She's taken overdoses in the past (X3) so I should have been more careful to lock them away like I have done now but I wouldn't put it past her crowbarring the medicine cabinet open if she were determined enough.

Mouse, I think CAMHS have been pretty good really, it's not their fault if she won't engage with them and refuses the appointments. We had a lovely family therapist for about six months but dd stopped going so never built up any kind of relationship with her. I carried on going and it was really good to have a professional to talk to but they couldn't carry on just seeing me as the service is for young people and I'm an old fart. We've tried to get her to see a psychiatrist but she refuses to see them and I feel guilty for wasting their time by setting up appointments (which are very hard to get) and then having to cancel at the last minute.

I think in order to help her someone has to experience her in a rage or when she goes into one of her psychotic modes. She hears voices and breaks things but these episodes don't last very long - the only professional to have seen one is her old camhs nurse who broke down a toilet door to find her setting light to the paper towels, this was in a children's ward at the hospital. This nurse has now moved on and no longer lives in the area which is a bit frustrating as she is the only person that dd has engaged with on these issues.

Sorry, it's all about me me me today

scoundrel I will ask DH if you don't mind, he will know how these things are done but we are in Scotland so it might be different.

Thanks ma I'll keep an eye out for his answer, I'm genuinely curious as she has us over a barrel at the moment.

Anyway, what I should have said in my first post is that I'm bloody gagging for a drink. I want to get absolutely plastered so that I can forget about it for a while. However, there's nothing so bad in life that having a drink wouldn't make it worse. Or something.

Scoundrel - Sorry, I know some of them are awesome, I should have said that my experience has been a negative one so far with Nemo

That's a shame mouse I hope you have better luck with them in the future

I think their hands are tied rather a lot of the time, in our case because dd refuses to engage so not only can they not assess her properly but they also cannot prescribe anything that might help. I think in all cases (yours included no doubt) they are underfunded, understaffed and overworked which obviously has an impact on the service they can deliver. Bloody tories.