The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Sweeping Into Autumn With A One Way Ticket To Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Phew, just in time!

I'm mouse and I love a few to drink. I love all things cheese and I love MrMouse

Welcome to the Bus. We are a collection of drinkers, non-drinkers, and those who are somewhere in between but we all have the same thing in common, we can't just have 1 drink and then stop.

Come say hi, we don't bite .

Here are the other threads to date, if you have a spare hour or seven to kill.

OUR HISTORY

I've just had coffee with the lovely strawberryblonde and her gorgeous little daughter

Who would have thought that it was possible to meet so many lovely people?

talking of which.... ma what happened? Were you bored, enjoying the feeling of getting drunk, trying to obliterate the day-to-day hassle? Look after yourself today, focus on preparing yourself for your conference on Friday. You KNOW that you don't want to feel hungover then, so why not make that your short -term goal for not drinking. That's only 3 days really (I don't think you'll want to drink much tonight) so get a really good plan together for Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Get in lots of whatver alternative drinks you can bear, arrange things to keep you busy in the evenings (go to the cinema, go to the gym, do something with ds).

This one saf? And the icing

BOING!!!

im back! only just! - anything that could go wrong last week went wrong, i have moronic builders, no hot water and the door handle to the utility room has broken this morning so i also have no access to the dishwasher!, my house is a shithole, my dh has buggered up a huge order of timber which is going to be bloody difficult to sort out some fucker has scrapped the side of my car with their fucking trolly (about £900 fucking quids worth of scrap!) i had just negotiated a part ex deal for it too!! i have spent HOURS sitting in stations waiting for trains that failed to appear ggggrrrrrhhhhhhh!!!

im sober though!!

ahhhh those coffee kisses bring back memories of childhood! my dm used to make them for saturday tea! pilchard on toast, battenburg and coffee kisses while we watched basil brush! warm cosy memories!

Isinde once I have DD and enough pennies for the train and Ambleside youth hostel (I don't ask that much, now do I??) she and I are off to the Lakes. It is my ultimate me place, and always has been. Though I have been there with a few exes, each trip was peaceful (or that's how I choose to remember it), I also studied in the South Lakes briefly. Sadly I can't live there as there are no oncology units! But it is my ultimate peaceful place and it is far too long since I've been - I LOVE the Autumn colours in the lower level fells around Grasmere/ Rydal Water/ Windermere. Good to hear you boingy and about the wonderful sleeping from your girls.

Green buttercream would also work legalalien - because I bake lots I don't actually use scales but softening about 6oz unsalted butter in the microwave for a few seconds then beating within an inch of its life with about 6oz icing sugar, maybe a bit extra, and a capful of green food colouring, and a little bit of milk if it's too stiff, should also work. If you want green icing for the top, you can buy special 'Royal Icing' icing sugar and follow the destructions on the back. I am pondering the two cakes I need to make for Thursday. Need to start making money on this (or at least covering costs).

Mouse were your collapses witnessed? The most useful thing is an eyewitness account in the person's own words. Hope they at least rule out anything additional to worry about.

ma I tried and tried and tried to stop, change, cut down. It was exhausting. It made no sense at the time that trying would never work, I had to admit defeat and give in. It was too powerful for me. Remember the boxing ring analogy? Could you go back and read it? I still admit defeat daily. Alcohol has me beaten. Today though I have stopped getting into the fight. Now be nice to yourself today, no guilt, remorse, or shame, they make you more likely to drink, and feel worse about yourself. You are a lovely lady who has a problem with alcohol and a heck of a lot else going on too. Today - yes, even today - misery is still optional.

I had a great weekend with DD, still very awash with emotions though and have definitely had moments of getting the self pity out, and the "I can't cope with all of this at once" rubbish, and not keeping it in the day, and the day just gets worse. Will I never learn?? So have let go of all the things I can do nothing about and just focused on today. That's more than enough to handle!

Sorry to those I have not named and welcome to lurkers with chocolate cake - our very favourite kind!

I am so behind I am struggling to respond to posts but quick waves all round.
Hi to destiny welcome aboard.
isinde I love the lakes. can we replicate many childhood memories of mine and pose for a photo alltogether - having taken coats off (even if freezing) and told to look warm?
mouse I am worried about you and don't know what to say. Please let us know how you get on at docs. (( )) I don't really give a shit if its unmumsnetty. Have a damn hug.

noteven must read boxing ring analaogy.

Am on day 2. Drank on weekend but not ridiculously so (although I could have... I was in that mood). DH let me have a lie in which was lovely but not sure it was worth putting up with him tired and grumpy all day.

Big news is that DD has not pissed on the carpet since I got tough and last night she slept till 5am and when I gave her a cuddle and stayed with her a bit she went back to sleep till 6.30am! Threats of removing tv are a sure fire winner because a) she does love her tv and b) I can stick to it without feeling remotely guilty. She did a lovely scream at 4am on saturday morning though: NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME. Yes dear, at 3 years old, your life is very complex .

Other good news is that latest mental health assessment thing showed huge improvements in anxiety. And despite eating like a total glutton all week I have someone avoided additional pounds. And I have a sense that I will be ok.

I know its a bit me, me, me but would anyone mind if I post my bereavement post here. I am starting to unravel some thoughts and to be honest here is the only safe place I have to share them. There are many things I need to admit to myself before I move on and well here is where I admit things I am uncomfortable with.

saf when is harvest festival - is there somethign about new starts then? I am going to bring some old tins of beans and jars of sauces which I will never use for the bus harvest festival...

msgee - post what ever you want to! personally i dont think you can tackle the drinking until you have worked out how to live with your grief, so, anything that helps you is fine by us! i may not be particuarly articulate but you cetainly have my support and good wishes and its wonderful that you feel 'safe' enough here to feel you can say what you want!

Afternoon all,

I'm sorry to not be regular (tee hee!), at the moment, but I do read through when I can, and send my love.

Very hectic time from Friday, trying to sort all DC1's stuff, then moving DC2 lock, stock and barrel (apart from a couple of hundred t shirts!!) into his new house. We are all feeling the strain at the moment, but, I tend to let it out more! I think I have to accept that DH is dealing with things in a very different way to me, if I don't I'll go mad.

A good thing...... I had forgotten how exciting London is, I walked to the new Westfields shopping doo da, and saw the Olympic village, and saw so many farmers markets on our way to Dc's house. I am really looking forward to spending more time up there. It has changed a lot in 20 odd years, since I used to go there every weekend. Perhaps it will make me feel young again!!!

Venus How is DD? has she gone yet? We are going out for a bye-bye dinner on Friday night, DC2 says that's ok, as long as I don't cry! I don't think I will, I will save it for on the way home on Sunday when I'm coming back to a house devoid of children for the first time in 21 and a bit years.

MsGee How wonderful that you feel safe on here. It's the same with me. I have often thought that maybe my posts weren't appropriate for this thread (about DH), but, everyone has only ever been kind and supportive.

JWN sorry you had a bad week. Someone backed into me in the Dr's car park on Thursday, and drove off!!!!

Noteven You sound so focused, even with all that you have going on. I admire you, you are doing so well. Your sentence about keeping it in the day, is what I am trying to do each day at the moment, and not obsess about how I'm going to feel on Saturday, or this time next week.

Inde Well done to you for sorting things out with DP, you sound really positive these days.

Mouse I was very concerned to hear about your falls, let us know how you get on today. Sending love.

Sorry not to namecheck everyone, I don't know how to go back pages and still keep my messsage, but I will have more time next week!!!!!!!!!!(not projecting!!!).

Ma my sweetheart, I can imagine what set you off. New day today though, and all is not lost. I do know how very hard it is to resist the temptation to think "sod blow this, talking isn't working/doesn't work, I'll have a drink to blur the edges", but then, I expect we all know that feeling.

Much love
xxx

26 seconds delay in our posts Isinde, , I am thinking of you, sitting at your computer!

yes that's the one venus thank you! i'm going to have to make some soon - they are seriously lush if rather sticky and fiddly to make.

that's the book isindie! i want it. my mum had two copies but my sister has managed to pinch both of them over time so now there are none.

msgee - Big news is that DD has not pissed on the carpet - that is my quote of the day i think and post whatever you need to. autumn equinox is 23rd sept this year. it's when day and night are of equal length but day begins to lose ground. can be about new starts in the sense that it is traditionally a time when you decide what you don't want or need in your life anymore and make intentions about that - good time for clear outs whether it's practically binning all the carp in our houses or mentally and emotionally identifying what we need to get out of our systems. so yes friday is the actual point of equal light dark but the period thurs/fri/sat would be the 'festival' if you like.

once upon a time this would have meant an all night outdoor party for me

nah just bin the booze

Bah, MN went offline, so this isn't so topical now......did you know that carp is the traditional Christmas Eve dinner in Poland?

Saf this weekend will certainly be a big, new start for me. I will keep what you said in mind, and try to be POSITIVE about my change. . xx

it's funny isn't it that the academic year starts at the time of harvest - it's the time when everything you've planted comes to fruition. so all of the work and time and money and love and etc etc etc you've put into your child is now coming to fruition. but there's also the fear of the coming winter. so it's about letting go for you i guess and yes trying to do it as positively as you can.

i was weeping at ds starting school last week - god knows what state i'll be in when he moves out.

i'm clock watching worrying about mouse. hope she comes on and lets us know how it went when she gets back.

ooh, I wrote a harvest / autumn ceremony for someone that included storing all the good 'fruits' from the summer - picking them carefully, wrapping them with care, so that through the darker months all the warmth and joy and light of the previous months could be unwrapped when they were needed most.

bit like jam making

You've made me cry Venus, what a lovely thought to keep. xx

And you made me laugh Saf, not that I'm on an emotional roller coaster at the moment, or anything .