Support for those in emotionally abusive relationships 4

[MadameOvary]

Hello everyone - end of last thread kind of took us by surprise!
Will copy in links etc

going to buy the book buttons think mine are a little younger than yours but having absorbed the idea of "descriptive praise" over the summer have also noticed huge changes ( also due to me removing responsibility of all stressful stuff from Himself as no-one can cope with the fallout). Hope you find some true friends in RL as well as here...but it's true that some people just can't cope, and others can't believe we're still with them if it's that bad...but the journey isn't that simple is it?? Assume bathrooms are sparkling by now....

gettingsorted so sorry... this stuff just goes on and on in different phases and different ways...they will see you for the beautiful, brave, supermum that you are...but they also have all the stuff to deal with and IT'S JUST NOT FAIR that a supposed grown-up can do this to you all.

notsorted what a selfish arse he is. Your DCs must be confused. But in the long run, with the love and stability that you provide, the less he sees of them and is able to mess with their emotions the better.

Fool I can really identify with "dreaming of dramatic exit (of him) stage left". I spend long nights fantasizing about my twunt being abducted by aliens/emigrating/dying of natural causes. I should probably accept that it's not going to happen (especially the alien abduction bit ).

buttons I'm going to get that book too. Like Fool mine are all very young, but I'll give it a go. Do you know I bought the "5 Love Languages" (for couples) back when I still thought I could fix our problems by trying harder/understanding more .

He didn't want me to use the washing machine earlier, I wasn't going to switch it on just putting stuff inside it, he went berserk, tried to chuck the washing out the front door and pushed me over onto the bottom of the stairs, I have hurt my hip, I'm a fucking lazy mental cunt bitch as well apparently. All this over some washing? And I'm mental! I know I have to do something I can't let him get away with it yet again. I want him out but I just can't get beyond the finances if I do I've spoken to everyone I can think of and my only option is a refuge. I just want to live a normal life.

a refuge is your gateway to a normal life, reasons.

Great for fool and theregoes . It doesn't matter that your dc's are young, honestly. You do have to wade through and discard some of the heavily Christian moralising. Don't let that put you off, the basic tenet is true no matter your religious leaning.

reasons phone the police PLEASE. I did this over the summer when he kicked off. After years of putting up with it. PLEASE log a complaint with the police.

reasons that is appalling - please call the police and let him see that you are prepared to tell others about his behaviour.

I called the police he has been arrested and gone to police station they are coming back to speak to me shortly, I am just not tolerating it any more.

Fantastic. VERY WELL DONE, you're brilliant ((hugs))

I will be cheering you on this morning reasons and do remember the invisible MN army behind you willing you to be strong, enforce those boundaries and refuse to tolerate his BS any longer!

xx

OMG that's wonderful reasons! Bravo.

Reasons that's amazing! I read your earlier post this morning and it made my stomach churn. I'm so so glad that you've called the police. We're all behind you, cheering you on.

You might want to jot down some details of what happened so that you have it clear in your head for when the police arrive (or even use your post). Maybe some other incidents from the past too?

Reasons - bloody well done! Cannot tell you how delighted I am to see fighting back in the most proactive, positive way x

reasons - PM'ed you.

Reasons, well done! you have taken the most important step of your life.

The step to living free from fear and persecution. Remember that we are always here, always available for you and MO has PMed you with some additional support.

The MIGHTY MN army are all behind you.

thanks all, your good wishes are hugely appreciated, thanks MO for the PM have replied, I've just finished giving my statement the police were really supportive and kind, I can't have him back here now. Got a bloody headache but have finally finally stood up for myself and said enough is enough. Thankou x

Just wanted to "vent" something nice.

I'm happy with my life. I have a good job, good friends, a wonderful puppy. There are so many things for me to pursue and enjoy: pottery, drumming, chatty brunches or evenings out with friends. Enjoying things in the moment, like seasons and colours and the sight of puppies playing.

Above all, I'm feeling happy with myself. For the first time in forever.

I don't have an angry and controlling man in my life anymore, leeching all my emotional reserves. But to be honest I don't even think of that anymore: just being me feels normal now. The fact that I'm not being held back from that anymore doesn't even seem worthy of note: after all, why would anyone be holding me back?

I still have days, on occasion, when I just want to die, and when I wouldn't get out of bed at all if I didn't have my puppy to feed and care for. So there are still days when I am unable, still, to care for me.

But overall, it really feels good to have a life. That's all.

xxx to all of you.

Reasons - have just gone from 'OMG' at your initial post re. the washing and then wanting to wildly applaud you for calling the police!

Well done you, quite right, you can't put up with this shit anymore! Things will come right including finances, you'll see.

puppy..that's ace!

Reasons...you're very brave indeed. I've got my pom poms up in the air and shaking...might throw in a pointy toed leg kick and a twirl too!

My princess bluebell ring is now on my finger in replacement for my wedding rings. It has a big blue sparkly stone..from me....to me.

The doll thing I mentioned.....when he came to see dd, he noticed that there were new ones...and that there wasn't one of him. They have astonishing power these loo paper middle dolls.

snap thisis, I've also put a significant ring from me to me on my ring finger (it's porcelain and was made in my pottery class, which is my go-to place for creativity and fantastic female company).

I felt a bit down on myself for a while about the fact that my ring finger felt so naked, wondering if it was a proof of my weakness; my craving for an external crutch in the shape of a man. So all the more reason for it to feel "right" that what is filling that emptiness now is something that I provided for myself!

Dear Reasons, pom-poms, cup of tea, something sweet and take it very easy today. Just hit the sofa. I know you will be running on adrenaline and mind racing re the sorting out, but don't rush now. He is out, the police are dealing with him it's not your worry for now

And hey good for all those rings. Friend asked me about what I was wearing over the weekend and I said 'oh, haven't bought anything for ages' all my clothes were bought at crisis times with ex ... now crisis, no new clothes. Oh well.

gettingsorted I find I am particularly happy when wearing clothes that I have bought since ex left. They're my "being me now" clothes. Any chance you can go on a shopping spree, even if only for one thing, like a new handbag?

Ra ra ra reasons...very brave, very needed, I know it's not going to be easy but just make sure you NEVER believe the stuff he said/says about you is true!! You are worth so much more than you have had

gettingsorted how are you at customising?...we have no money but it's amazing what can be done with some buttons (maybe channelling bigbuttons) and a bit of sparkley thread...or moving some cuffs from one shirt to another..........(glue works too if you don't go for needles)!!

ps maybe not on the cuffs

Police called they are about to interview him, I won't feel safe having him back here so looks like he will have to involve his parents to pick him up, spookily I just got an email about a job and am invited to an assessment next week, I will take that as a good sign and be positive about it